Big you and Little you - two different people?

[sugarcookie]

Firstly, I would like to point out that this post is not meant to offend anyone, as it is written purely for educational purposes and concern for a friend. Therefor, I'd like to apologize beforehand if I, in some way, offend or make anyone feel uncomfortable in any way as it is not my intention. 

 

I have a friend who is Little, but he's a bit more different than most Littles I know abut, and lately we've been talking more about the CH/L community and he's been sharing some of his many thoughts and concerns with me. I am in no way an expert when it comes to the community, quite far from it, actually, but since I'm the only one who can answer his questions and sate his thirst for knowledge, I need to know as much as I possibly can about the community and if there are others like him in this community (with his condition, if it can be called that.) 

 

As I already mentioned, my friend is a Little and I already know the basics of what it means t be a Little, but with him, it goes a bit deeper than that, which made me wonder if his condition is common? He recently shared with me that unlike most Littles who go into Littlespace, he goes what he calls Bigspace. He prefers being in Littlespace as much as he can and only becomes Big when he really needs to (he tries to avoid it as much as he can). At first, I was concerned because he doesn't have a Caregiver and I am unable to be with him as often as I'd like, but then he told me that I shouldn't be worried because: 

 

"I feel like Little me and Big me are two different people sharing the same body. Sometimes, i even talk to Big me while I'm little and he helps me with grownup things." 

 

Are there other Littles who feel like that? I also feel the need to mention (without going too much into detail) that his first 'caregiver' didn't treat him right in the slightest, which might have caused him to feel like this? I also cannot help but analyse his situation a bit more psychologically as I've studied psychology and have a basic understanding of it. Could it be that he doesn't really trust anyone (his parents didn't treat him right, and neither did his first and only caregiver) but himself, which is why he has unconsciously becomes his own caregiver, in a way? 

 

Any and all help and knowledge would be more than appreciated! 

[Guest Loki]

I can't speak for others, but yes this makes sense to me. I actually don't have a big space. Never did. I do have a middle space (my natural state) and my little space. My little space and middle space are quite differently people. Polar opposites, actually.

 

My middle space developed because I had to raise my parents and my younger sisters. My little space developed recently (last couple years) and is a way to cope with never having a childhood. I certainly don't have split personalities, but I do sometimes have my little space break in and be like "hey, we need to slow down and we need to relax and have some fun. I said relax! Don't ignore me! *cue unscheduled little space*

 

But even in little space, my middle space is in control. It's like a voice in the back of my mind, making sure I'm not going to hurt myself or trust someone blindly.

 

I wish I could give a better answer. Hope this helps.

[Guest Princessaj]

Hi Sugarcookie, I totally adore your member name. 

 

You are a very good friend to be willing to educate yourself on DDlg and have concern for your little/Big friend.

 

Being little/middle/Princess/Prince/Pet...is not a condition. It's who we are.

 

There is no on or off switch. DDlg will never replace IRL=in real life, but some of us try to live it as much as we can.

 

You can't wake up in the morning and call into work...."I feel little today, I am staying home."

 

Everyone that I have met has always been a little/middle/Princess/Prince/Pet...but maybe they don't discover that it is a BDSM kink that describes a lifestyle they really relate to for a greater part of their life. For some, having names/labels to call things along with others is a comfort and makes them feel like they belong. That is why there is a community like this one.

 

We should be "self care givers." Learning to take care of ourselves is part of a human's journey. If you don't know how to take care of yourself, how do you expect anyone else to know. We educate each other on our needs, wants and desires. If you don't do the work to really know about yourself, you will be very frustrated and disappointed if you expect a CG/DD/MD to do stuff for you. They are not mind readers no matter how much experience they have in real life or DDlg. Yes, there are younger, over 18 years old, that are in the early stages of their exploration of self and that is super if they, again, communicate. Also, you can change your mind as many times as you like, but keep your partner in the loop. 

 

I am a fully, sometimes an over qualified "Adult," but have no problem asking Daddy to do something for me that I can obviously do for myself. Its part of the DDlg relationship.

 

The best suggestion I can make for both of you is to develop being a really great friend, having all the qualities that you desire to have in another person in your life. Be really good at making friends. The best way to protect oneself from someone hijacking us into an unhealthy relationship in DDlg or vanilla that is not going where we want it, it's too personal, too fast is to use the "friend zone" to build up trust, observe their behavior with others and most of all being clear on whether or not they are treating you as you wish to be treated. Don't stand for anything less.

 

Being little/middle/Princess/Prince/Pet is not an automatic invitation to be taken advantage of. It's the exact opposite. A CG/DD/DM has an obligation to protect and care, not to serve their own desires first and only. There are many that don't understand that and make themselves quite obvious as they jump right into telling you how sexy they want you to dress, demand nudes, that they are to be pleased first then they will take care....its actually like a broken record. They are only in it for themselves.   

 

The cream will rise to the top. Hugs

[Mikaitaku]

I would use the word aspect to describe being little/big/whatever else you care to describe yourself as. 

Little me is playful and adventuress.

Wolf me is all emotions, instinct it is That Which Observes, That Which Protects.

Big me is the aspect of my personality that has evolved as I have grown and experienced the world.

 

Each Aspect is different but part of the Whole of who you are. We humans are complex and it is a good idea to learn and explore our different aspects.

[Alextheswitch<3]

as a person who actually has dissociative personality disorder, little me, and big m, are literally two different personalities in the same body.and i conform to a few stereotypes: little me and big me each prefer a different name.when im big, i am the girl my parents raised, jayda. but when i "cross" t little me, im alex. ioften dont answer to jayda, unless it triggers me back into that side of my personality. just personal expirience though. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT

[littlesuzy]

same as me,  my little like to be called by second name, my real name that I was given at birth is Amy-Mia but for my little she likes to be called Mia my Big me likes to be called Amy I really don't understand why till my friend told my I have to people in one.  I was okay with it didn't really brother me but every time my friends talk to me in a baby voice my Little like to get out and I do let her out because they love to talk to her or play games, I really don't remember much when I am in my Little state like at all

I think it's call a headspace. 

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

I didn't know that Littles were roleplayers.

I thought it was adults who genuinely like cute shit and have a fudged up penchant for calling their partner Daddy/Mommy.

And like things that are considered to be aimed at kids as their demographic.

 

Learn something new every day.

 

What do adults who're just naturally into the aforementioned call themselves then?

Because colour me confused.

[Nel-Chan]

I dunno, I find myself as newly introduced to being a Little that I really don't have a On/Off switch and only different degrees ov how much ov a Little I am.  Even at work I play pranks and act Bratty to certain coworkers that I have always done as a Kitten and know I will be doing as a Little.  I guess it's sorta a roleplaying aspect, but that doesn't sound correct to me, because I feel for me mostly, and from what I infer from others, is that this is more than just  pretending to act out a role for fun.  It's kinda an aspect ov ourselves that we never lost or discarded.  You always heart "child at heart"  Well, I feel that being a Little is actually showing that "Child at heart" outside and visibly and vocally acknowledging it.  There will ALWAYS be personal differences for Littles AND for Daddys, but I find there something all of us have in common and that's that drive to have a part (or all of) our life be used for such a dynamic.

 

I dunno, I feel put-off on the notion that I'm only "pretending" to being younger  like roleplayers do during sex, leading into sex, or do for plays and such... I kindafeelt  here's a better way ta word the kind of people we are :x

[sugarcookie]

Hi Sugarcookie, I totally adore your member name. 

 

You are a very good friend to be willing to educate yourself on DDlg and have concern for your little/Big friend.

 

Being little/middle/Princess/Prince/Pet...is not a condition. It's who we are.

 

There is no on or off switch. DDlg will never replace IRL=in real life, but some of us try to live it as much as we can.

 

You can't wake up in the morning and call into work...."I feel little today, I am staying home."

 

Everyone that I have met has always been a little/middle/Princess/Prince/Pet...but maybe they don't discover that it is a BDSM kink that describes a lifestyle they really relate to for a greater part of their life. For some, having names/labels to call things along with others is a comfort and makes them feel like they belong. That is why there is a community like this one.

 

We should be "self care givers." Learning to take care of ourselves is part of a human's journey. If you don't know how to take care of yourself, how do you expect anyone else to know. We educate each other on our needs, wants and desires. If you don't do the work to really know about yourself, you will be very frustrated and disappointed if you expect a CG/DD/MD to do stuff for you. They are not mind readers no matter how much experience they have in real life or DDlg. Yes, there are younger, over 18 years old, that are in the early stages of their exploration of self and that is super if they, again, communicate. Also, you can change your mind as many times as you like, but keep your partner in the loop. 

 

I am a fully, sometimes an over qualified "Adult," but have no problem asking Daddy to do something for me that I can obviously do for myself. Its part of the DDlg relationship.

 

The best suggestion I can make for both of you is to develop being a really great friend, having all the qualities that you desire to have in another person in your life. Be really good at making friends. The best way to protect oneself from someone hijacking us into an unhealthy relationship in DDlg or vanilla that is not going where we want it, it's too personal, too fast is to use the "friend zone" to build up trust, observe their behavior with others and most of all being clear on whether or not they are treating you as you wish to be treated. Don't stand for anything less.

 

Being little/middle/Princess/Prince/Pet is not an automatic invitation to be taken advantage of. It's the exact opposite. A CG/DD/DM has an obligation to protect and care, not to serve their own desires first and only. There are many that don't understand that and make themselves quite obvious as they jump right into telling you how sexy they want you to dress, demand nudes, that they are to be pleased first then they will take care....its actually like a broken record. They are only in it for themselves.   

 

The cream will rise to the top. Hugs

Thank you so much for your answer! I now have a much better understanding of everything than I previously had and that makes me feel better, as I genuinely hate not being of help (be it by giving information or physically helping), especially to my friend who really needs someone in their live (they don't really have any friends aside from me, because they are very shy and have really bad anxiety and fear of socializing) to be there for them. I'm just trying to gather as much information as I can, because it honestly makes me feel really bad when I can't really understand what he's going through or how to help him in the best way I can (I'm in no way a Caregiver or anything of the sort and I don't think I'll ever be qualified to be one, but I must say my 'mother' instinct is quite strong when I'm with him... that and I am naturally more dominant and caring because of the way I've had to grow up). But I now have a better understanding, because of your answer and can see the flaws in my previous way of thinking! Thank you so much for that, because it has seriously helped! 

 

(Thank you, you're too nice! I quite adore your member name, actually! And I'm honestly not doing anything exceptional but being a decent human-being by helping a person whom I hold dear.) 

[sugarcookie]

I dunno, I find myself as newly introduced to being a Little that I really don't have a On/Off switch and only different degrees ov how much ov a Little I am.  Even at work I play pranks and act Bratty to certain coworkers that I have always done as a Kitten and know I will be doing as a Little.  I guess it's sorta a roleplaying aspect, but that doesn't sound correct to me, because I feel for me mostly, and from what I infer from others, is that this is more than just  pretending to act out a role for fun.  It's kinda an aspect ov ourselves that we never lost or discarded.  You always heart "child at heart"  Well, I feel that being a Little is actually showing that "Child at heart" outside and visibly and vocally acknowledging it.  There will ALWAYS be personal differences for Littles AND for Daddys, but I find there something all of us have in common and that's that drive to have a part (or all of) our life be used for such a dynamic.

 

I dunno, I feel put-off on the notion that I'm only "pretending" to being younger  like roleplayers do during sex, leading into sex, or do for plays and such... I kindafeelt  here's a better way ta word the kind of people we are :x

I sincerely hope I didn't offend or make you feel uncomfortable/put-off with my post! I never meant to assume anything, just wrote things the way I, at the moment, saw them in hopes of someone pointing out flaws in my way of thinking, and you have! And I am grateful for that, really. It's good you gave an example with "child at heart", because that makes me re-think some of my thoughts and alter them for a better understanding. 

 

I guess, and this is just me thinking aloud here, you're not pretending but... just being yourself. You're being yourself, just a different side? But it's still the same of a whole... the example I'm giving to is a bad one, but I can't think of a better one at the moment... a battery has to ends, one positive and one negative, but they are still part of a whole, much like a some people have a Big side of them and a Little (or a Little and a Neutral). That doesn't make them different people altogether, they're just different sides of the same person. I hope, again, I didn't offend with what I wrote and that it's not complete and utter trash... I'm honestly trying really hard to see everything from a different point of view than my normal one to better understand and grasp everything, which is still very new to me. 

[sugarcookie]

I can't speak for others, but yes this makes sense to me. I actually don't have a big space. Never did. I do have a middle space (my natural state) and my little space. My little space and middle space are quite differently people. Polar opposites, actually.

 

My middle space developed because I had to raise my parents and my younger sisters. My little space developed recently (last couple years) and is a way to cope with never having a childhood. I certainly don't have split personalities, but I do sometimes have my little space break in and be like "hey, we need to slow down and we need to relax and have some fun. I said relax! Don't ignore me! *cue unscheduled little space*

 

But even in little space, my middle space is in control. It's like a voice in the back of my mind, making sure I'm not going to hurt myself or trust someone blindly.

 

I wish I could give a better answer. Hope this helps.

This helps enormously, thank you so much for your answer! 

[glgkittykat99]

So.... I know a lot of ppl have already replied to this but I thought that it couldn't hurt so I'm going to put my view in on it too although it's a bit blurred for me too....

So 1st of all I guess is that I do wat ur friend does too where I'll talk to big me and she'll help guide me through some stuff but this is normally only when I feEl ultra little for me and I guess on the other aspect I guess I'll just sa what I personally believe to be obvious

That everyone's different and can have different unique parts to them for me personally i have my little side where I'm well little and I have my big side where I find I'm actually a lot like a CG and then there's the kinda middle me , I'll be big me but yet immature like being childish and joking around but not actually little

[Nel-Chan]

Oh no-no, you didn't hurt or offend me, jus me thinking out,loud in a frustrated way that some,peepl dun take what we have as a serious part of ourselves.

 

I def an sensitive and try to not make thibgs personals but,at the same time wanated ta voice my,own feelings

 

*gives hug* I hope it ish of some helps like joo said

[Guest bad_apple]

For me it's one and the same person but depending on what characteristics are in focus.

I generally have a childish streak so when I'm little that part of me is simply more prominent. When I adult, it's that part of my personality that is stronger.

Overall, same person but shift in characteristics.

Hope that makes sense.

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

I can agree with this on so many levels. In the big world I am a social worker. I work with people fighting addictions and stuff. I feel like i live a double life most days because Big me has to be level headed and emotionally grounded. Little me freaks out about little things and does everything with her whole heart. Absolute polar opposites. 

[Daddy_Shaw]

Speaking from the point of view of a Daddy/Little switch, I can empathize with your friend. I have three ME's, actually. One that can handle any and all problems without flinching. That's "BDSM" me. One that's my 'normal' me. You know, the one that goes to work and does adult stuff all day. And Little me. The one who needs love, attention and care from my mommy. 

 

I know, for myself, it really does honestly feel like three separate people. There's foods I'll only eat when I'm Normal me. Or, hard rock music that I can only stand if I'm BDSM me, whereas normal me wants to listen to Jazz.Those are just examples. 

 

I find that I switch personas when something affects my mood. If I see something sad on the news, for example, I instantly want to be cuddled and (yes, sadly) breastfed. (please don't judge me). If I see someone else being sad I instantly feel like Daddy and I want to sit them on my knee, hold their head to my chest and kiss them on the forehead. 

 

To be honest, it's scary. It's unsettling to feel like three different people. Like not knowing who you really are. But, I've learned to accept that I'm not one of these people. I'm all of them. And they each know when I need them most.

[HisuianLilligant]

No, I'm little by nature-I was little before I even knew littles existed but I'm definitely the same person despite the circumstances