Starting a new relationship?

[littlecl13]

This is my first post besides my introduction, so bear with me please! (and hi!!!)

 

I took that mojoupgrade quiz about two and a half years ago and one of my result was girl/boy, which I researched. And that was the first time I had ever heard about ddlg or being a little. It kind of seemed to click for me, but I talked to my partner about it at the time and he seemed less than interested. I kind of forgot about it since then. Me and him had a great D/s relationship and I was okay with that.

 

Last fall, me and him broke up but continued a casual fwb thing (we still live together, so after breaking up the fwb thing kind of just happened). I was okay with that.

 

The last few months I've been in a rut because of anxiety/stress/depression. I realized that my relationship dynamic had a part in it. Although we were still having sexy times/cuddling/etc. I missed our D/s dynamic. I talked to him about it and he said that he just couldn't do that right now. (He's also been in the dumps recently. not much emotional or physical support has been happening with us.) I really, really missed subspace.

 

About a month ago, I remembered about ddlg. And it all clicked again. I just talked to him about it a couple hours ago (again), and he said he doesn't think he "has the energy" for it. Which I understand. I didn't really expect him to want this dynamic, but I wanted to talk to him about it still because he's my best friend. We're still going to talk about it later today.

 

I guess I'm getting all these thoughts out just to say... I've realized that I really do need this dynamic. I've let myself enjoy more little things in the last couple weeks and I've been overjoyed. I don't feel as stressed or depressed. Maybe it's kind of a high from realizing I love/need this dynamic, but I'm gonna take it for now. It seems like a way healthier coping mechanism than what I've been doing.

 

With this realization, I'm wondering about a new relationship. But I'm scared. I've been with this guy for a total of almost four years (I know we broke up in the fall but it hasn't really felt like it.. so almost four years). I don't really know how to move on without feeling super uncomfortable. We live together, we share expenses, we still share a bed. I can't move out for several more months because of our lease, but I also really don't want to live alone. I don't even know if anyone would want to be with me because of how my relationship with my ex is. 

 

I've thought about just trying a platonic daddy relationship but I don't think I could do that. I get ridiculously emotionally attached and I don't think I could separate that from a sexual thing.

 

I'm really just putting my thoughts down. I don't know if there's a question here or not. I guess has anyone been in a similar situation? Any words of advice or encouragement? I have no idea what I'm doing.

[Somewhatdiscreet]

I'm really sorry to hear about your previous relationship. It definitely sounds like a tricky situation, as far as your want to find a new partner I'm sure there will be someone for you, remember that any kind of relationship rarely develops over night. I'd advise for you to talk to your ex about it, it'll definitely be hard but dipping your toes into the waters now your relationship has ended isn't morally wrong at all.

 

I'm not very sure if diving headfirst into a ddlg relationship is a good idea. But having a look around and just take things slowly until you find someone who you feel is a good match for you wouldn't hurt either. There's a lot of variation of interests in ddlg that aren't immediately apparent. Some people love abdl, some people may have the same kinks as you but there may be no common interests or emotional compatibility... Either way, it doesn't hurt to start looking!

[Princess-P]

What I'm gathering from your post is that your still having a sexual relationship with your ex yet your not dating him.

 

It kind if sounds like your not ready for a new relationship. Sleeping in the same bed with him and living together still because of a lease? There are ways to get out of a lease and even of you were doing it for financial reasons you wouldn't be having sex or sleeping together... There's always the couch.

 

It sounds like you two are still far to involved. Not many people are going to be interested in someone who's choosing to be in your circumstance rather then moving on completely. Being friends with an ex is acceptable, having sex/living together/sleeping in same bed shows your not ready to move on.

 

So for now I'd say figure out why you can't move on from your past. Why your so attached. Focus on moving on and actually being single. Carrying on with your ex like this is just holding you both back.

[littlecl13]

Thank you for the responses!

 

Maybe I wasn't clear enough in my original post, but as of right now (for about a month or so), we've stopped our sexual relationship. We do still share a bed, but there is honestly nothing romantically intimate about it for us. It's like I would share a bed with my friend if I stayed at her house or something like that. I'm really comfortable in the situation I'm in with him, but I worry that other guys wouldn't be.

 

I'm terrified of living on my own, but it is something I'll probably have to do once the lease is up.

 

Any tips on dating while looking for a partner interested in ddlg? I hadn't really thought about it, but I was imagining just diving in head first. And you're right, that's probably not a good idea. I suppose I could post a personal. I don't know. I'm just really confused!

 

(How does one even start dating after so long, kinky stuff aside? I've only ever had relationships start from friendships and meeting through friends... but my only friend is my ex so that isn't an option. I'm at a loss when it comes to meeting people for the purpose of dating...)

Edited May 27, 2017 by littlecl13

[Somewhatdiscreet]

You can't really control how other guys are going to feel, as long as you're being honest about your situation that's all you can do.

 

It's normal to be terrified of change, we all experience it. I'd probably say the usual platitudes are the best advice I can give as far as that's concerned : Try and focus on your hobbies and anything that makes you feel more confident in yourself. I'd probably recommend living on your own unless you're sure you can't manage it, jumping into another relationship and shacking up with a guy on such short notice can be a recipe for disaster - feel free to bring any of your suitors around though!

 

You seem fairly well put together so there's nothing wrong in posting a personal or something similar and feeling people out. Personally whilst I love ddlg, I'd much rather my little has a little age of 8+ as I'm not a huge fan of babby babble or ABDL at all. If I can't enjoy you as a regular person and the only reason we're talking is the fairly nebulous header of DDLG I tend to peace out. It's honestly quite hard to find somebody who's going to fit all your needs, but you won't find them until you start searching!

 

Dating can be tricky, a generally good rule to follow is to join local clubs where you can socialise and find people with similar interests to you. When you add DDLG in however, things tend to start getting a bit picky, honestly doing both looking for people on here and socialising in real life is probably going to be the best recipe for success for you. I wish you the best of luck!