My partner told me that he isn't into DD/lg, need emotional support and advice.

[Guest LinnyLittle]

Hey guys.  I'm in need of some emotional support, and advice, tonight.  My partner and I recently had our 3 year anniversary a few days ago.  Not this past Winter, but the Winter before I introduced him to my interest in DDlg, and at first he was really iffy about it, but he said that he did want to try it, and see how it would be for him.  So, we proceeded to slowly introduce different elements into our relationship.  I was so happy. Being able to be in little space, and express this side of myself that had been repressed for what felt like forever was so freeing and so nice.  I started calling him Daddy all the time, and we shared what I thought were many tender moments while I was in little space.  But, unfortunately for me, my partner is the kind of person who holds back his real feelings and thoughts if it means possibly hurting my feelings.  Turns out, that's what was going on here, in this situation, as well.  

 

I had a talk with him on our anniversary date about our BDSM relationship, and what parts he liked, and which he didn't, because I had a suspicion that he hadn't being fully honest with me about what he really wanted.  He would neglect me while I was in little space, and brush me off, etc.  Which made me very sad.  He came clean, and told me that he doesn't really like "the baby stuff."  I just accepted his answer, and I didn't question him any farther than that about it, because I knew that I was going to get emotional if I started to discuss it any more, and I didn't want him to feel guilty for being honest with me.  So, now after almost a year and a half into our DDlg relationship, I'm faced with this.  We got engaged last June, and our relationship is wonderful, aside from this.  He is kind, and gentle with me, and honestly, he's my best friend.  But, this really hurts, and I can't bring myself to tell him.

 

Being able to be in little space is very important to me, but my partner is a protective, and jealous person, and I'm certain he wouldn't allow me to have even a platonic caregiver or babysitter, because it would make him too jealous.  So that option is out of the question for me, and I don't want to leave him.  I guess I just need some emotional support, and advice on how to proceed, not being able to satisfy that need with my partner/someone else.  Sorry for the long/wordy post, I just really needed to get this stuff off my chest. 

[Daddybloo]

Not everyone is in to it but that shouldnt mean giving up or backing down...it just means finding a way to make it work...a little party or days out might help or even help him understand what you are more... Edited May 25, 2017 by Daddybloo

[Guest mlkykit]

Sticky situation; You can't force him to like or approve of your lifestyle or kink, nor would he be interested in you having a separate platonic partner.

 

Honestly, your only choice besides leaving to find a more compatible partner, is to sit him down and have a real adult discussion about what DD/LG means to you and see where or if some compromises can be made. I'm not quite sure what he meant by "baby stuff", but maybe you could try implementing rules (bedtime, play time etc.), having him help you with simple things, arts and crafts - whatever it is that could make him more comfortable and doesn't necessarily fall under "baby stuff".

 

Needless to say however, if he's adamant about not participating because it's not his cup of tea, you'll just have to accept and respect that.

 

Ultimately, you'll have to decide if you're willing to set aside DD/LG for the remainder of time you'll be together or if you'd be happier with someone more compatible to suit your needs. Best of luck.

[Guest LinnyLittle]

Thank you both!

 

Honestly, your only choice besides leaving to find a more compatible partner, is to sit him down and have a real adult discussion about what DD/LG means to you and see where or if some compromises can be made. I'm not quite sure what he meant by "baby stuff", but maybe you could try implementing rules (bedtime, play time etc.), having him help you with simple things, arts and crafts - whatever it is that could make him more comfortable and doesn't necessarily fall under "baby stuff".

 

This is really great advice. I will definitely sit down and have a talk with him soon about specific things that he's willing to do/not willing to do, and see if we can possibly come to a compromise about it.  I have a feeling that we could reach some sort of solution that way, because I think when it really comes down to it, there are certain aspects of DDlg that make him feel weird, and not just the dynamic as a whole.  But, we'll see! Thanks so much again.  I really do appreciate it! 

[Guest Kali]

Don't be bullied into thinking it has to be exclusively either/or. It's easy for single people to say "if you don't get your ddlg fix you can look for another relationship". It's somewhat different when you have invested so much time in someone who, after all, you care deeply about.

[Guest mlkykit]

Don't be bullied into thinking it has to be exclusively either/or. It's easy for single people to say "if you don't get your ddlg fix you can look for another relationship". It's somewhat different when you have invested so much time in someone who, after all, you care deeply about.

 

It is literally "either or", and the OP already said she has no desire to leave her partner, so I don't see why anyone would encourage them to do so.

 

The fact of the matter is, they enjoy something that's both a big part of their life and not approved of/liked by their significant other. This brings incompatibility and a huge chance that the OP may find themselves extremely unhappy in their relationship because their needs aren't being met. To solve that, they can either leave their partner to find someone more compatible or compromise in some way, shape or form. 

 

Real life demands that you make choices whether you'd like to acknowledge that or not.

Edited May 25, 2017 by mlkykit

[Guest mlkykit]

Thank you both!

 

 

This is really great advice. I will definitely sit down and have a talk with him soon about specific things that he's willing to do/not willing to do, and see if we can possibly come to a compromise about it.  I have a feeling that we could reach some sort of solution that way, because I think when it really comes down to it, there are certain aspects of DDlg that make him feel weird, and not just the dynamic as a whole.  But, we'll see! Thanks so much again.  I really do appreciate it! 

 

I'm glad I could help! I hope everything works out for you and yours.

[Guest Kali]

mlkykit - you misunderstood - it's not "either I get what I want/need or I have to leave my partner" - There are other ways around this - as you say.

[Guest mlkykit]

mlkykit - you misunderstood - it's not "either I get what I want/need or I have to leave my partner" - There are other ways around this - as you say.

 

I fully understood what you meant.

 

My point is, for some people, those are literally the only two choices. Sometimes there are no workarounds to an issue. In this case however, the OP says they have no desire to leave their partner - so that choice is firmly out the window. Further, the OP didn't say their partner finds DD/LG on a whole to not be his thing. So that leaves to believe that he may be willing to compromise somehow; They just have to figure it out together.

 

At least that's how I analyzed the situation. Maybe some people won't look at it that way.

[Lindy]

Hi LinnyLittle!

 

I am in sort of the same spot as you. "Daddy" and I have been together for 6 1/2 yrs. We have tried the BDSM thing so many times, each time ending in us being mad or frustrated. He likes to call himself "Daddy", but that's all it is. I'm not his little girl, I'm not his anything really, other than his partner, I guess. I spent years in a D/s relationship and found it to be the part of my life that was missing. Like you, leaving is not an option. And I would never even think of "adding" another person as just a platonic friend. So I really get where you are coming from. I can't talk to "Daddy" about this because we basically don't talk. We sit in the same room, though, for the most part. It's a complicated thing. Anyway, I hope you can find some sort of solution.