Advice on looking for a Mentor

[yourstrulybee]

Hi, friends. I'm new and I was hoping if any littles had any advice on searching for a Mentor? I've seen on the Peraonal posts some ask for experience in a being a little and though I do have some in being a sub, it's not the most... authentic experience I guess you could say?? Basically, they weren't the real DDs. On that topic I've never had a real Daddy either, when I first became aware of this community and realized this is what I am the options for finding a Daddy weren't the safest or easy. I also am not searching for my one and only Daddy, I would like a companionship and possibly friendship from future Teachers but it doesn't necessarily have to end like that as I know some relationships are friendships while others not so much. I'll admit I am a good amount of nervous to actually find a Mentor. Thanks for any advice!

[Guest Princessaj]

Hello Truly, thanks for being brave and asking for what you want and need.

 

I sent you a friend request. Are you in LA, the City of Angels? I am in Santa Monica. I found out that there was a name for what I have always been last August. I am a middle, identify as 13-18 years old. I researched, read, researched read, made DDlg friends from around the world, researched and read. I have met "poser/fake" Daddies and now have a real one. I am happy to share my resources, experiences, hopes and dreams to encourage you on your DDlg adventure. We are all students and teachers. Hugs

[Nymph]

Finding an official mentor is really tricky, it's easier to just become friends with both experienced daddies and littles, that way you take what works for you and see all the different ways of doing this... because there really is no rules for it, in a way that is refreshing as there are very few ways of doing it wrong.

 

Doing it wrong would be to be in a toxic relationship were there is any kind of abuse. If you feel unsafe, scared, etc. If there is no respect. Your daddy should make you feel safe and cherished when you are being your sweet loving (and even bratty if that is your personality!) self. As long as you are authentic and find someone who is compatible things just kind of fall into place :3

 

Welcome and best of luck~

[Guest LordEmtheDinosaur!]

Post from "Emily"

 

Mentors and "mentors"

 

A mentor is someone considered knowledgeable in BDSM that agrees to take on someone who is new to the lifestyle and guides them by providing resources, info, listening and answering questions and pushes the pupil towards experiences that will be beneficial for them. Like all things BDSM, this requires consent!

Mentors are not your Dom/sub. MENTORS ARE NOT YOUR DOM/SUB! I see many people who claim to be mentors, tell their pupils one single useful thing and the next second is trying to get down their pants. Note that some people offer mentorship to people who they perceive as vulnerable because they think that they can manipulate them for their personal gain.

A mentor is like a teacher. They help you learn not help you take off your clothes. It would be ideal if you are a submissive to get a submissive mentor or if you are a Dom, a Dom mentor, that way they have no sexual interest in you and can give you insight on the role, from their perspective at least. Look for  a mentor with the same ideals as you, someone who lets you talk instead of just questioning you or piling info on you, someone you feel comfortable around but also has a bit of professionalism when mentoring you.

Also trust yourself, do they seem like they know what they're talking about? Are they being sexually suggestive towards you? Are they trying to convince you to play with them? Do they have other or past pupils and what do they think about him/her? It is good to look around first before choosing/accepting a mentor. What do other people think about them? Are they a safe player? Do they have a partner? If so, do they try to hide the fact that they do? Ask potential mentors questions like how long have they been in the lifestyle, how many partners have they had and what do they think is important in BDSM relationships?

It is also okay to ask other people besides your mentor questions and they should let you. It is good to get more than one opinion/perspective on a topic. It also is a good way to see if your mentor is a mentor or "mentor". You should have some sort of bond and a level of trust with your mentor.

Mentors generally do not play with their pupils. They can suggest other people in the community that you may be compatible with when you are ready and if that is something you want. However, when your mentor/pupil relationship is over, it is okay to play with that person. It is okay to start a relationship with that person as that sometimes happens.

Mentors do not have the right to give you rules or punish you! They also do not tell you the best way to teach you is to tie you up or flog you etc., you have to consent to that first and you do get to negotiate and agree on a safeword beforehand. If they want to give you rules then there is a shift in your relationship and you get to agree/disagree to that. You need to ensure that your mentor will not overstep their boundaries and if they are, speak up! If you also feel unsafe or uncomfortable, speak up!

[yourstrulybee]

Thank you so much Princessaj, Nymph, and LordEmTheDinosaur for the kind words and personal advisement!! I've been reading up on relevant posts and other dd/lg community blogs, as well as chatting with other littles on here. I'll keep everyone's responses in mind when becoming friends with Daddies(it's a bit intimidating) as some times I feel like that because I'm a little they already expect some thing from me when we converse, which i know isn't the case at all for real Daddies. I dunno how to explain it but thank you so for establishing that I have a right to say no and stop anything I don't want! Oceans of Love to all<3<3<3<3<3<3