Conflicted

[OwlMommy]

Hello again,

Owlmommy is back with a question.

I'm still talking to the same little long distance. He is amazing and has been super patient and understanding with me as I am still learning how to be a good mommy. We were talking earlier tonight and he said he wants me to "make him" do things. Example:

He was muttering while we were skyping and I asked him to use his words and he then told me "no nevermind". This has happened before, mostly in the beginning of us talking because he is a very shy boy and thinks that everything he wants is embarrassing and I have had no problem gently coaxing him into telling me what he wants. This time however he said "Miss has to make me" and wouldn't speak to me about anything else while we were skyping until I threatened to make him write lines because he wasn't being open and honest with me.

I'm pretty sure that he's more testing how strict I am and whether or not I will follow through with punishment, but I'm really not a strict mommy at all. I'm not quite sure how to approach "making him" other than constantly threatening to punish him when he does things like this and I really would not like to do that. I want him to be comfortable enough to open up to me, which he says that he is, but I feel like it's totally okay for him to keep somethings from me if he honestly isn't comfortable in telling me.

Yeah, I'm just not really sure how to go about opening more communication on this. 

Thank you for your feedback!

[Guest Prat]

He's a sub, he wants to subjugate. What are you afraid of? If he gets bratty it's only because he wants you to remind him who's in charge. He tests you, pushes your buttons..you can call it mommy training...

 

Now, my opinion is that you stop making threats and just punish him. Show him you can handle him, make him do something he "doesn't want to".. I find spanking works well since lines are boring... Keep in mind to think of it more as showing dominance than punishing..

 

It's important you discuss safety before hand btw. Cause No doesn't always mean no but red sure means red..

Edited May 23, 2017 by Prat(Praetorian)

[Guest Candy Minx ♡]

He sounds like he needs to take a step back and chill out a little. Being a little and wanting a strict structure relationship requires him to do what you said, use your words. Sounds like it'd be easier for you to have him put on his adult pants and talk to you like one - as in does he want you to demand things out of him because x, y, z? If you're not strict and don't want to be strict that's fine and totally acceptable. It doesn't sound at all reasonable to me for someone to act up and out, specially if you're new and learning.

You shouldn't have to threaten him over and over to get him to listen, he isn't an actual child. There's a fine line between being a brat and.. lots of things. Have you tried sitting him down and telling you how this makes you feel? Do you like having to threaten or "make" him do things - since you said you don't like it - tell him that. Compromise. Work with one another. Being in a dynamic like this, communication is key, you shouldn't have to do what you're doing with him to get him to roll with something as basic in any type of ship, romantic or otherwise - communicating. If he's as understanding and patient as you claim then once told he should mellow out. Not all ddlg ships need like.. y'know, rules and punishments.

Basically. It's fine you're not strict, you don't have to be just because you're his caregiver. Two people should be comfortable in their relationship and roles, no one should be doing anything they don't want to be doing. I can't imagine it'd make you happy doing so.

 

DON'T punish someone if you don't want to, again, heavily want to reiterate not to do stuff you don't want to do.

DON'T consider yourself fearful or anything negative because you're not doing what your little wants. 

DON'T feel like you need to chest pound to remind anyone who's in charge. 

 

 

You're allowed to be in a ship where you and your partner are comfortable and happy. 

Edited May 23, 2017 by Candy Minx ♡