Could really use some help

[Confused Mom]

I posted this in the Introductory page too.

 

I'm not sure if I'm in the correct forum but I could really use some help. My 18 year old daughter told me she's a little. I had no idea what she was talking about. She said she feels like a 5 year old inside. She loves stuffed animals, Disney/kids movies, toys, crafts. I never gave it a second thought. She tried to explain to me what she was but I didn't/don't get it. I told her that I support her and she said that no one knows. She doesn't have any girlfriends. She was bullied in high school so I took her out to do independent study. She has no desire to drive. She's an only child if that makes any difference. She's very clingy to me but not her Dad. She likes to have sleepovers with me in the living room. We called it girl time. We got snacks and watch movies. I searched the internet but all i could find were sexual sites. Any helpful guidance would be so appreciated.

[Guest PrincessCakes]

Being a little isn't always considered a sexual fetish, some therapists let their patients use it as a tool in order to cope with anything from ptsd, to just dealing with the stresses of adult life. However some people like to use it because they just never wanted to grow up. It isn't an indication of anything serious, and for a lot of people it's actually a healthy way of dealing with stress. I grew up with 3 older brothers and I always had accessible friends growing up, I just do it because I never reached that "adult phase", so I already had stuffed animals and watched cartoons and everything anyway, and I even adapted to using it in order to better handle my anxiety disorder. The best thing you could do is be supportive and ask her (gently) why she is a little and what you can do to make her more comfortable about it as well as set boundaries and let her know what makes you comfortable/uncomfortable in return as well as give her room to voice her feelings about all of it. ☺️

[Guest PrincessCakes]

Oh! And it hasn't gotten in the way of my life at all personally, I have my own car drive and I'm in college and doing well so it is possible to balance a "little" life and "adult" life.

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

I'm not sure what you're wanting to know for sure.

 

First of all, please be careful with internet searches, and use your best disgression. A lot of times you'll get hurtful, inncorrext info. DDlg is under the BDSM umbrella, but different people inncorporate different amounts of BDSM into their dynamic/lifestyle. It's not automatically sexual, either. Every little, just like every person, is different.

 

For example, I like exploring, video games, and sci-fi like movies. Most would put me in the 9-15yr old age range, but I tend to identify my personality mostly around 12, but I don't age regress. Although outwardly I am a highly functional adult (I'm married, have two kids, buying my own home, and in a management role all at the age of 23), my headspace is that of a preteen-young teen most of the time. Meaning, I enjoy teen things!

 

I don't enjoy diapers, bottles, sippys. I've used pacis before but found they weren't my thing. I do suck/bite my fingers.

 

Why am I little.... well, the short, simple answer is... because it's who I am. I've always been this way. In fact, I believe what many refer to as a "little age".... has always been my mental age. As a child of 6, 7, 8.... I was told I was mature beyond my years. I still get told that, but I don't let my little out for the general public. The longer answer is... I enjoy this. Its a de-stressor for me. It helps with past traumas and anxiety relief. This is my safe space.

 

I hope this is of some help. If you have specific questions... ask!

[Confused Mom]

Thank you so much for your response. So do you think this forum is appropriate to educate me and get advice?

[DeathMetalPrincess]

This is a very informative site, especially to get first-hand information on the lifestyle. I really admire your ability to understand and accept your daughter. My parents still don't know I am in the ddlg community, and it will probably stay that way for some time. In any case, I think it's good that you've come to the forum. I'll link a website I have found really helpful, especially when I first became a little. I hope it answers some of your more pervasive questions. If not, feel free to ask on here on the forums and the lot of us will do our best to help. http://www.ddlginfo.com/

[Confused Mom]

I guess what I was/ am wanting is just information and guidance. My head is spinning. Why is she like this. Why I never knew Littles existed, did I do something to damage her when she was 5. Questions after questions. She does not want to leave for college and now I think I understand why now. When we're in a situation where her and I get asked a question she always looks at my. Pierces of the puzzle seem to be fitting. I just don't want her to regret telling me. I'm sure it was difficult for her.

.

[Guest LordEmtheDinosaur!]

You should read the book called "when someone you love is kinky". Also it has nothing to do with biological parents/guardians. You didn't do anything for this to happen, it is part of her like how it's just part of a person to be girly or a tomboy or like history or be bisexual etc.

 

It's good that you are accepting of it, not many parents would be, but be sure to set boundaries you both are comfortable with. How much do you really want to know? If you are not comfortable with certain things, say! If you want her to be less dependent on you then say. Very few people can be out about being into BDSM without repercussions so it's hidden and of course you'll want her to share with you but the same way she doesn't want to know about your sex life, you don't want to know about certain parts of her life either.

 

DD/lg is under the caregiver/little dynamic which is under BDSM which is a leading/following relationship where one person leads and the other person follows and it is all consensual and depends heavily on open and honest communication for it to be successful. A little is someone who is naturally childlike. A lot of BDSM is perceived as sexual but that isn't always true. Her telling you is sorta of like her saying she's a lesbian. You accept, you say okay you do you but you don't get too involved and you try to understand what it means to her. The same way you try to understand what this means to her but don't get too involved. You can still do things "normal" parents do when they find partners or try new things. Make sure it's a healthy relationship, is she happy/safe etc, is it affecting her negatively....

 

Avoid tumblr when trying to figure out what all of this is, try asibdsm, kaylalords, kinkly, submissiveguide, dominantguide, kinkweekly and xeromag and ddlginfo. 

Edited May 20, 2017 by LordEmtheDinosaur!

[Guest Princessaj]

Hi Mom, thanks for giving us the chance to help and support you and your daughter..

 

I am the 2nd to the oldest (52) "middle" I have found on the forum. I am a middle because I identify as 13-18 years old. There is a very specific reason I am a middle/in the DDlg Lifestyle..I had to grow up so fast that I never had a chance to be 13-18 years old. The Lifestyle gives me a chance to have my first crush, my first kiss, my first date, learn how to drive, go to prom and so forth. Although I "Adult" IRL = In Real Life when I have to, I live in my head, heart, soul, with my little/middle friends on the forum from around the world...as a middle. I do have a DD, Daddy Dom that I met on a Vanilla (IRL) dating site. He knows all about my middle life and I am teaching him to be my Daddy (57). 

 

We are all different. We come from ages 18 (have to legally) to 70 so far as I have found. You will find every ethnicity, religion, economic status, culture, education level, profession, single, married, divorced, widowed, dating, parents, every sexual preference under the rainbow. There are littles, middles, Princesses, Princes, Pets and Daddies in relationships online, in the same town and all over the world . Oh yes, all of the above can be any gender.

 

The forum is owned and run by Michael and he has a wonderful group of MODS, moderators that are very diligent about keeping everyone educated, safe and respectful. Some people are on the forum for many years and never interact with anyone. They come here for a sense community and for education on the quiet. Some people come out of curiosity and only stay for a short while and go on, then maybe come back. Then there are like me that come here every day to be with friends and to see how we can support others in whatever circumstances they are in the Lifestyle and IRL. One of my little friends and her Daddy are getting married tomorrow and we are all so excited for them.

 

When I found out about DDlg last August, I really only found out that there was a name for what I was and that there were many more like me. You are very welcome here in the good times and the bad times. Ask us anything. Hugs

[Confused Mom]

Thank you! This helps a lot. She always tells me I'm her best friend and that she doesn't want any friends. I tell her that she'll make friends in college. Reading everyone's responses is really helping. I can't believe there were so many signs of something that was different. I haven't brought it up since last week when she told me. I'm not sure If I should just wait until she brings it up or just start asking her questions.

[Somewhatdiscreet]

Thank you! This helps a lot. She always tells me I'm her best friend and that she doesn't want any friends. I tell her that she'll make friends in college. Reading everyone's responses is really helping. I can't believe there were so many signs of something that was different. I haven't brought it up since last week when she told me. I'm not sure If I should just wait until she brings it up or just start asking her questions.

 

You know your daughter best! If I had to guess from what you've mentioned previously as to whether or not you should ask questions, considering you've mentioned she doesn't seem to hold much stock in friends her own age currently I'd say it's probably best to ask questions about it further. Everybody's input here has been stellar; there's just a few key points I'd like to add from a male caregiver perspective:

 

• As mentioned above, your daughter being a little may or may not be sexual. It isn't comparable to being straight or gay at all as people are complicated at the best of times so the only way to figure out what's what is to ask her.
• Being a little has no legitimate relation to mental illness. So as others have said and I'll reiterate, don't worry! If you're concerned about her emotional or mental well-being, make sure to separate the two in order to avoid miscommunication on any concerns you may have with her journey into the adult world.
• Whether or not it's sexual, it takes a lot of courage to open up to your folks about this kind of thing. It's really great to see you're asking for input on this and I'm sure you'll do whatever is best by your daughter.

If it is something she'd like to ideally involve in power dynamics of her future relationships as a kink in any form, please make sure to make it sink into her that as with any other romantic relationship, people can be shitty no matter how they may try and portray themselves initially, as with any power play in relationships. The golden number 1 rule is both parties have mutual respect for eachother and their limits/boundaries, it's role play, if she's ever with a partner who starts becoming controlling or abusive in any form, it's time to stop this role play immediately.

 

Romantic relationships are going to be confusing at the best of times as a teenager - the second she's no longer 100% sure as to whether or not her partner respects her boundaries. It's time to at the very least temporarily halt any power play that may be involved in order to figure out what's going wrong and address that, this is non negotiable and anyone who has any real interest in power play should know this before going in and respect it. Trust has to be earned and you can't assume someone is trustworthy just because they're proclaiming to be a caregiver. Actions speak louder than words.

 

Best of luck to you both, your daughter is very lucky to have you!

[Guest blumonkey]

I speak from the other side. From what I have seen, being a little can be a way to regress to when things were better... or opposite, regress to do things missed in childhood.

 

Traits not uncommon for a little: stressed, introvert, thoughts of fantasy/inner world, shy, anxiety, depression (bipolar, major, or dysthymia), ADHD, PTSD. Some or none may apply. The E/INFP Meyer-Briggs temperament is common in littles... key being the 'F'

 

Be glad she is into DDlg to help cope and try to make sense of the big wide world, instead of a destructive one like hard drugs.

 

Meet her halfway. Surprise her with a new stuffie, and then do not forget to ask her what she will name it! She will be more open with you in the future... 

 

if you look over her current collection, you will probably see a theme of the types of stuffies she likes (unicorns, disney, etc) - choose wisely.

[Guest MeneerM]

At first i want to say that I admire your supportive role as a mum to your daughter. That is the greatest gift to a young woman... the support of her parent(s)!!

Being little is a way of coping with the day to day reality of life itself. Most of us have respectable adult jobs even in management, but there is that little voice inside that screams to be looked after, being cared for. The little comes out when everything surrounding him/her is safe enough. Only then you will see the little one crawling out of his/her shelter and want to play with stuffies, have tea parties of just want to curl-up with a blanket to watch a movie. 

DD/lg is a form of BDSM, but the way each of the B, D the S and M are incorporated into the lives of a little and her Daddy varies a lot from person to person.

You can alway ask her questions about het little mind. When you ask her in a positive and curious maner she will love to tell you about her likes and dislikes. The only person who can tell you what she desires the most in life is your daughter herself.

 

This community over here is supportive and loves to talk and help-out. So please stick around and ask questions! You are a great mum!

[Mewow]

There's nothing "wrong" or abnormal about it. It's simply relishing in the little things, having a chance to express every part of yourself from stuffies to craving love and guidance from someone who will care for you and not having to "adult". There are commonalities in littles but there is no rule really (from what I know- I'm still new) but really just wanted to say thank you for trying to understand your daughter more and I've learned things from this post

[Confused Mom]

Thank you somewhatdiscreet. Your post is very helpful.

[Confused Mom]

Thank you MeneerM. You're right in saying this community is supportive. I have been reading and learning from very nice people. The common thread among the Littles that I've come to learn is all they want is love. Like all of us!

[Confused Mom]

Thank you DD. She has so many suffies and she always names them! We had so many when she was younger we had to put them in bins. BUT she would never let us throw them away and I would see one we boxed up out and in her room. I would just smile. I will buy her a special stuffie to mark the day she told me. Reading this forum is like opening my eyes to her not even knowing they were closed!

[Confused Mom]

I might need to change my user name to "not that confused "

[Confused Mom]

Thank you Caring Daddy. I'm glad to read that she can have both lives. I want her to have a full life and be happy. I didn't expect this in my wildest of dreams though. If my husband knew his head would be turning so fast it would surely fall off. Seriously.

[cuppycakes]

The common thread among the Littles that I've come to learn is all they want is love. Like all of us!

Hi, (not that) Confused Mom! I'm a little, and I'm also around your daughter's age. I wanted to say a couple of things.

1) Just because your daughter is a little doesn't mean you did anything wrong in your parenting during her early childhood. I had a great home life, and I couldn't have asked for a better mom.

1.5) The fact that she has enough trust in you to tell you this really says a lot, as well. You guys seem like really good friends, and I know that's a really great thing to have with a mother/daughter.

 

2) I'm so glad that you're having such a good experience on the forums!

 

3) "We had so many when she was younger we had to put them in bins. BUT she would never let us throw them away" this just made me smile because I did the exact same thing.

 

4) You're going to see "BDSM" and "kinks" and "fetishes" thrown around a lot here, and that isprobably the reason you never knew littles existed. I'm a non-sexual little (I don't see my littlespace as sexual) however, I understand that it (as @Daddy's_Babygirl said) does fall under the "BDSM umbrella term". Meaning, we are a part of the BDSM community, even though we may not be sexual. There are even asexual littles! (Meaning they don't like the idea/thought/action of sex at all, or are even sex-repulsed). And if your daughter is a sexual little AND a non-sexual little, the good news is that there's still nothing wrong with her! She just likes some "weird stuff" and that's okay because it's consensual! (Also, if she's interested in finding a daddy/mommy, you should also know that DDLG does not condone having relations with children ever. It is completely safe and consensual; however, there are scary people, just like in regular dating, but as long as your daughter is smart and careful she should be fine).

 

5) Thank you for searching for information instead of just judging her prematurely. Many people don't "come out of the toy box" because they're afraid of how others will act. People call it pedophilia or other nasty disgusting terms and it's just not true. Just like you said, littles just want love, and many just don't want to grow up.

 

Edit: I also wanted to add that if you have any questions, you can probably add any of these people here as a friend (including myself) and privately message us.

Edited May 20, 2017 by cuppycakes

[Confused Mom]

Hi, (not that) Confused Mom! I'm a little, and I'm also around your daughter's age. I wanted to say a couple of things.

1) Just because your daughter is a little doesn't mean you did anything wrong in your parenting during her early childhood. I had a great home life, and I couldn't have asked for a better mom.

1.5) The fact that she has enough trust in you to tell you this really says a lot, as well. You guys seem like really good friends, and I know that's a really great thing to have with a mother/daughter.

 

2) I'm so glad that you're having such a good experience on the forums!

 

3) "We had so many when she was younger we had to put them in bins. BUT she would never let us throw them away" this just made me smile because I did the exact same thing.

 

4) You're going to see "BDSM" and "kinks" and "fetishes" thrown around a lot here, and that isprobably the reason you never knew littles existed. I'm a non-sexual little (I don't see my littlespace as sexual) however, I understand that it (as @Daddy's_Babygirl said) does fall under the "BDSM umbrella term". Meaning, we are a part of the BDSM community, even though we may not be sexual. There are even asexual littles! (Meaning they don't like the idea/thought/action of sex at all, or are even sex-repulsed). And if your daughter is a sexual little AND a non-sexual little, the good news is that there's still nothing wrong with her! She just likes some "weird stuff" and that's okay because it's consensual! (Also, if she's interested in finding a daddy/mommy, you should also know that DDLG does not condone having relations with children ever. It is completely safe and consensual; however, there are scary people, just like in regular dating, but as long as your daughter is smart and careful she should be fine).

 

5) Thank you for searching for information instead of just judging her prematurely. Many people don't "come out of the toy box" because they're afraid of how others will act. People call it pedophilia or other nasty disgusting terms and it's just not true. Just like you said, littles just want love, and many just don't want to grow up.

 

Edit: I also wanted to add that if you have any questions, you can probably add any of these people here as a friend (including myself) and privately message us.

Thank you cuppycakes. It's so great to read that you had a good childhood. Some information that I've read indicated that a Little was caused by a trauma. So she was just born this way? Edited May 20, 2017 by Confused Mom

[cuppycakes]

Thank you cuppycakes. It's so great to read that you had a good childhood. Some information that I've read indicated that a Little was caused by a trauma. So she was just born this way?

Some littles had childhood trauma, or feel the need to finish their childhood that they couldn't when they were younger, but everyone is different. Some people use it as a coping mechanism, some people are just child-like in nature and never grew out of the things they loved when they were small. You should really ask your daughter why she's a little! It sounds to me from what you've said that she's just not ready to grow up, and that's okay (but I'm no expert on your daughter so you should ask if you want to know!).

 

Even if it is because she thought she had an incomplete childhood, she trusts you now, and worse comes to worse you two can "make up for lost time" if you will. She obviously cares about you very much if she's going to tell you this.