Getting Nice Things From Daddy...?

[1FinePieceofAce]

My Daddy and I have been together for a year. In the beginning he got me little gifts...my collar, a naughty plug for my bottom and lots and lots of (legal) MJ that I got to use with a special pipe he got me and we'd go for dinner dates, scenic drives.... We've since moved to another state where 1. I don't know anyone, 2. I can't get my medication for depression managed until sept 1st (so, basically I am cold turkey off of my pills), 3. I can't smoke anymore and 4. I'm home alone all day (homeschooling my RL kids). 

 

I just had surgery and I'm finally getting back to being my housewifey-self. When I'm depressed I don't ask for things as I feel I don't "deserve" things and if someone really felt I worked hard, I wouldn't need to "ask" anyway. Since being on bedrest and now not able to lift more than 10lbs after a month, it's hard for me to even ask for something like a soda or gummy bears. I look at littles that get nice things all the time and I'm starting to get jealous. I literally get milkshakes and McDoubles on a "good day". I was fine not getting things for myself when I was paying the bills and Daddy wasn't working... I didn't think I was missing out on anything because he couldn't spend money anyway. But now that he is the one working, I feel so left out/forgotten. I don't want this to sound like I'm a spoiled brat, because honestly, I don't have much of anything and the things I do have that are within the lifestyle, I basically bought myself, without him. I feel like this is pushing me away from my "little"-self and I'm really starting to resent what he thinks his role is in this lifestyle. He doesn't do "daddy"-things unless I tell him to. I'm basically my own Daddy Dom.... I self discipline, he doesn't even care enough anymore to be active within the lifestyle. 

 

Today I made an amazing dinner...I even made a pie for dessert. Daddy got off work late, like always, but on his lunch he promised me a cherry limeade from Sonic on his way home because I've unpacked an entire house in 2 days (5 months after moving due to surgery)... I worked my booty off to clean the house and cook, clean after cooking, all the big girl things, all because I was so excited that I would *finally* get a treat from my Daddy. He forgot. He forgot me again. This isn't the first time. I got grumpy... he did the "fine i'll go now" but I had made dinner and it was already cold...I just wanted him to eat. I said I'd go. But then I realized it's just soda and whatever. We don't stock drinks in our house, only water and milk for cereal/cooking, so soda is kinda as big of a deal to ME as it would be to a real little kid... Soda is basically currency for me lol. 

 

 

Annnnyway, in the entire year I've been with him, he's never really just brought something home for me. He doesn't indulge me at all... I mean, I guess I get taken out for fast food once or twice a week as "date night" (we live in a really small town now....not many stellar date night restaurants). I just feel so...idk...forgotten and unloved and it's all because he doesn't think to get me things. I'd be happy with a beanie baby once a month. Or a candy bar from a gas station. I had to tell him to go down to the gift shop at the hospital to get me a stuffy after I had very intense, emergency spine surgery... I can't even look at the stuffy because I just get irritated that I had to *ask* for my Daddy to.....be a Daddy. 

 

I have a journal he used to have me write in...there's a list of my wants (most are very inexpensive) in there AND I have an amazon wishlist. I know I don't have a "sugar Daddy" but IDK, as a stay at home mom I feel like maybe something nice once in a while would keep me from being so upset and jealous of other littles all the time.... 

 

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So many words for just a simple question that I have.... Does your Daddy/CG get you things without you having to ask/beg? Even if it's just doing "nice" things that make your life easier? Does your CG get you gifts? 

Edited May 5, 2017 by 1FinePieceofAce

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

My Daddy's my hubband, we've been together about 5yrs. (Holy crap, I can't believe it's been 5yrs, feels like 5months *heart eyes*)

 

He's bought me stuff for my birthday maybe twice. 

But I've never had surprise gifts just out of the blue. 

He's even forgotten my birthday a couple of times ^__________^ Needless to say, he sure remembered this year *cracks knuckles*

 

And just because yours doesn't buy you random crap, that doesn't mean he doesn't care or doesn't love you. 

For e.g. coming home from work, he's probably just wanting to get home. 

He's just a dude, afterall. 

 

Like some guys take their girlfriends on dates and buy them flowers, some don't.

But that's not how you should measure your worth to that person.

 

I wouldn't beg my Daddy for stuff like that. Or anything really.

 

If you haven't already, explain that you want him to buy you random gifts- especially if you've done a good job like unpacking the house for example, or when you're in hospital. Maybe mention as well that you realize it's kinda frivolous stuff, but they mean a lot to you. And getting something small every once in a while reminds you that he's thinking of you. 

 

Even if that's not necessarily true... Because honestly if it's just like "WAH I WANT THINGS", then I don't even know what to say.

But I'm assuming you don't mean it that way.

[TheGiftedStars]

I understand that situation. Although my bf isnt officially a "Daddy" at the moment. I even had to call off ddlg for now cause he cant seem to do his role. I mean if you have the money, dont mind shopping for yourself. You can tell him what youd like for him to do but dont expect too much as high expectations can bring u down

[1FinePieceofAce]

We talked after I wrote this post and had a chance to think about what I really wanted....just validation that I'm doing a good job that I can see/touch when I feel like he isn't really active as my Daddy. He's very motivational, he's very patient but lately he's been more immature than I want my Daddy to be, I guess? I've been in the lifestyle a while, at least a few years before meeting him. I'm his first little but after a year of living together and being in a relationship with a total power exchange, it should be a n brainer that I "get" things. Like you, he forgot my birthday last year (and it's now less than a month away...my least favorite time of year). I put up with his poly life for 4 months when we first met and got really hurt to hear how he treated the other girl and even a year later, I guess I'm still back here waiting for my turn to be spoiled...? idk. I have lots of childhood emotional neglect that is triggered when I finally work up the courage to ask for something and repeatedly get forgotten. It's not his fault, and I'm learning to not have expectations of people as to not get hurt....but...still, when someone says they will do something, I depend on their word. I guess I shouldn't. 

 

 And you're SO right.... he's a guy and he wanted to get home on time. I think it just majorly hurt my feelings because I did special things for him, anticipating his arrival from work. I asked him last night if he was a little (which was the dynamic of our relationship from day 1), how would he feel if his "daddy" behaved the same? I can only go on dates to walmart and arby's so many damn times... We grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area and now live in bumfuck Kansas. I'm homesick and bored ALL THE TIME. It would just be nice to think that another adult human is thinking of me. 

[alotalittle]

Have you ever heard of the "five languages of love"? There's a book written about them, and while I don't necessarily think everything in that book is correct, I do think that the five languages are fairly accurate. The five are: Words of affirmation, gift giving, physical touch, acts of service, and quality time. Relationships need at least a little bit of all five, but most individuals feel strongly tied to one or two of them. Sometimes we feel unloved because our partner isn't showing us love in the way that we most appreciate/feel/perceive it. I'm wondering if your main love language is gift giving. This might be something you want to look into and suggest that your partner look into as well. It's helped me a lot within my relationship. Once I realized what my partner's main love language was, I realized how dismissive I was being of the way he was showing me love and why he wasn't understanding the things I was doing to show him love. 

 

Additionally, you talk about how bothersome it is to you when you have to ask for things and I totally understand that. I think that most of us would hugely prefer it if our partners could easily know what we wanted and when we wanted it without ever having to ask. Unfortunately, it never works that way. Your partner may need regular reminders of things that you would like/need. A conversation with your partner about some of the things that would boost your mood/things you need/things you like/etc seems necessary. Perhaps he doesn't even realize that he's stopped doing a lot of the things he used to do or maybe he felt like it was going unnoticed/unappreciated when he was doing them (not accusing you of that, just saying it as a possibility).

 

You mention that he works late. How much does he work? How many hours a week and what are his shifts like? If my partner has been working a lot, most of the nice things he usually does go out the window because he's exhausted and really stressed out. Work can take a huge toll on our minds and bodies. If your partner is working a lot/excessively, then it's much more understandable why he's forgetting things. Things might improve once you have healed up and can work again (and hopefully he can work less). Finding the right work/life balance is really difficult for most people and causes a ton of stress at times.