My mom wants to go with me to meet him!?

[lifeasalittle]

Backstory: My daddy and I have been together for almost 8 months. I love him with all my heart. That being said, we've never met face to face; It's an ldr. I'm 18 and he's 20.

I've been planning on flying out to him (other side of the country!) for a while now. I kind of figured since I'm an adult I would be going alone to meet him. Have you ever watched those ldr first meetings where the couple runs towards each other at the airport and kisses? I won't have that experience. Because my mother wants to go with me...

I'm kind of in between a rock and a hard place. She let's me live with her, she's buying my car, she supports my hobbies, etc. And along with that, this is kind of scary. I trust my daddy completely but if I put myself in her shoes, I can see where she's coming from. And maybe having her there would make me feel less anxious. She's agreed to let me have my space and I told her I'll be with him most of the time. She has also said she'd buy my plane ticket and pay for the hotel which is very generous.

Yet at the same time, I get a little creeped out at the thought of my mom being there. I'm a very reserved person and I hate letting anyone know about my emotions and relationship (no shame, I'm just private). So how do I prevent myself from calling him "daddy" in front of her? What if they don't get along (both have very dominant personalities)? What if he thinks I'm weird for having my mom with me? How do I act like myself in front of two people who know two very different sides of me?

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

It's better your mum goes with you. 

Mine took me to pick my Daddy up from the airport- and she only had like 2 days notice (too long a story).

It was fine. 

 

How do you prevent yourself calling him Daddy in front of her? You just don't do it- in the moment, you'll be so horrified of accidentally saying it that you most likely won't. 

If he thinks you're weird for your mum going with you, so what? I would've thought you'd explain the situation to him beforehand. 

What if they don't get along? He should be considerate, it's your mother.

How do you act like yourself? You act like the person your mum knows you to be. You and your Daddy can wait until private to be the you that you are with your Daddy. It's just a respect thing for family, friends outside ddlg etc. 

 

There's nothing creepy bout your mum being there. It's a support and protective thing. It's not like she's staying in the hotel room with you guys- plus ermahgerd, how is all of this even an issue for you, given how much you've said your mum does for you?

[Princess-P]

You mom sounds like she's being very supportive. He should accept that. The world is not a safe place and flying into his turf can be dangerous. Yes you trust him and love him... But lots of bad things could happen. Your Mons not trying to get in your way and thats awesome. She's watching out for you.

 

Keep the dynamics of your relationship private. This should be a given anyway. You never shove it in anyone's face, whether its family or a stranger on the bus. Just act like a mature, respectful, adult and be happy you have a mom who loves you and respects you enough to do this for you.

Edited May 5, 2017 by Princess-P

[MonteCristo]

It's a good thing your mom will be there; It's cost effective for you, a safety precaution, and shows that she cares about you! That being said, although it's ultimately your decision, do take some consideration into her impression on the guy (and hopefully it's good).

 

I understand the emotional reservations in front of your parents. I do agree it is a bit awkward to behave in a particular way in front of the person who raised you, but definitely try and drop some of that barrier and show your genuine excitement when you do meet him in person; He'll appreciate it! Don't call him daddy in front of your mother though of course, keep some of that stashed away for your private life.

[Guest blumonkey]

Option 2. He flies to you, and you stay home

[Guest DaddyDean]

I believe this is very simple.  Under no circumstances should you be flying out to meet him.  He is the "Daddy"  Daddy's should do the flying, period... Your safety and well being are at stake.  Your mother wanting to go is great but in the end him coming to you is a far better and safer idea. 

[MonteCristo]

For the two above me; Daddy flying to her is the expectation, but it doesn't mean it should be the rule. 

[lifeasalittle]

Thank you, everyone! I feel a little more at ease. And I'd love to have him fly to me, but that's just not possible at the moment.

[Strawberry Sprinkles]

I remember when my partner came to see me. It was kind of embarrassing to be living at home, mother supervising everything and brother constantly popping into my room. I'm twenty-one and going through college. I really didn't want this strange and lovable man over the internet end up being a serial killer and taking my eyeballs though. I figured if he was willing to hang at my house, he was solid.

 

Eighteen isn't an unusual age to still have mom hang around. I'd even say it's expected for a lot of people. She just loves you and wants you to be safe. While you're an adult now, to her you're only a baby adult just learning about the world. It's not a mean or degrading thing.... you're just her baby girl! She'll always want to protect you. I think, especially in a meeting like yours, it might even be a good thing she's going just in case something hits the fan. I was once with a guy for a year until I started picking up on some fishy stuff. You can never be too careful. 

 

My partner always tells me that those different sides to you are always connected even if you can't indulge in them at the same time. As for them getting along, I'm sure if she feels that his feelings towards you is genuine, he'll get brownie points in her book.

Edited May 7, 2017 by Strawberry Sprinkles

[TheGiftedStars]

Your mother is so very supportive of you! I doubt my mom would ever do anything like that. Pay for plane ticket AND hotel? That's very fortunate, honestly. And the fact that she even mentions you could have some space with him. You're so lucky! I dont have supportive parents like that. In this case I'd be very happy. Id say just enjoy yourself with precaution.

[Frog]

I just wanted to address the part about him thinking it's weird you'll have your mother with you.

 

Most guys won't. Even in the older adult world, it's not unheard of. We guys often meet moms and sisters and BFFs on early dates & meetings. When I was in my 30s, I had a girlfriend who let me meet her mother, sister, father's girlfriend, and even the kids she took care of, all within the first month.

 

To be honest, a part of me says don't trust a man who hates having Mom around on a first meeting. I'm not going to ask if she's overbearing or overprotective. She's a mother. I'm in my mid-40s and trust me, that won't change.

 

Your mom takes care of you and she sees this a crazy random Internet man that will make you the subject of a made-for-TV movie. Whether she's normal or freakishly obsessed with your life isn't really the question.

[ChibiPuppy]

As for the main topic at hand, I think it's a matter of your personal preferences. I could never have brought my mom like that, no matter how supportive she was of me in my everyday, day-to-day life. Me meeting my loved one for the first time is definitely something I would like to cherish and keep as a private matter between me and my partner. However, I do see where you and your mom come from in this case. If you're both close and she wants to protect you being 18, then by all means have her go. Just sit her down and make sure to talk her through all the circumstances of the visit. Make sure she understands you need to have your alone time with him and specify just how much space you'll need.

Having your mom meet him is definitely a good idea though. When my Mommy came visiting me for the first time, I made sure that she got to meet my mom. It reassured both me and my mom, because she got to see Mommy is a good person and I got to see my mom approved of her and she had no red flags raised. Since you're the one going to see Daddy, bringing your mom is the only real way for her to meet him as well. Just make sure to properly talk through and discuss the matter at hand.
 

I believe this is very simple.  Under no circumstances should you be flying out to meet him.  He is the "Daddy"  Daddy's should do the flying, period... Your safety and well being are at stake.  Your mother wanting to go is great but in the end him coming to you is a far better and safer idea. 

Of course she can fly and meet him. It's first and foremost a relationship between two adults, the DD/lg comes second (unless that's all there is to it). It's not one person's job to do the costly things, or stuff like traveling. It could be a matter of him working and can't 100% leave or something similar. I agree that it feels like it's the Daddy's job to do that stuff, but it's definitely not. It's what works for the couple. As long as precautions are taken, information is gathered and she knows for sure who she's meeting, flying to see him is under no circumstances a bad thing. If she brings her mom, the safety part is dealt with too.

[PINKLILLY]