Getting to Know a Long Distance Little

[OwlMommy]

Hi all!

So I met the little that I am talking with on tumblr. He was the one that reached out me (I made a post saying that I was looking for a little but didn't actively approach anyone) and we have been talking for the past 3 days. We are long distance, so I have been spending most of my days messaging him and getting to know him. 

In the first day we started talking, he was very scared to call me mommy, but eventually did by accident and I told him that I was fine with it because I was specifically looking for a little and he has been calling me mommy since. 

I feel as though he has been chatting with me more in little space than not in little space. I have been getting to know bits and pieces about him while not in little space but I feel as though I have been only getting to know the little him and I would also like to know him while he is not in little space. 

I know that I need to talk to him about this, I have planned on doing this soon, especially because he asked me to be his official mommy (I told him to give us a few more days) but I was wondering if anyone has had any experience with this and could share some ideas on what to do?

Thank you for reading through all of this and any help that you might have!

[Guest Ginger]

I can't say I have much experience with this. I think a year or so ago I had a little who was all too eager to hand me the title of 'Mommy' and I was uncomfortable with it and told them so. They insisted (all 'by accident' they said) by calling me Mommy and rarely talking to me as an adult. I ended things pretty soon thereafter, but long story short, he refused to speak to me as an adult and thus nothing was able to be discussed.

 

I'd suggest talking to him and letting him know that if he really wants this, he needs to talk to you one on one as an adult and not Little to Caregiver.

[Johnny Hammersticks]

Months... 3-6 months minimum to begin the proper foundation for a solid dynamic.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[OwlMommy]

I'd suggest talking to him and letting him know that if he really wants this, he needs to talk to you one on one as an adult and not Little to Caregiver.

 

It isn't as though we haven't spoken at all one on one as adults. We have talked about how our dynamic was going to work. We have discussed what he wants/needs our of this relationship and have come up with rules and what kind of structure he needs. I'm not unhappy at all, I'm just very new and unsure if this is how we should be proceeding.  And one of the things he's said he needed was help getting into little space so if he's actually there while we're talking it's a good thing but, like I said, I don't feel like we're having much one on one adult time.

 

Months... 3-6 months minimum to begin the proper foundation for a solid dynamic.

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

Thank you for your feedback. I myself have a self implemented 3 week period where I need to be able to know specific things about who ever I am talking to, and since we've been talking I've gotten through most of the questions I've come up for myself. 

[Guest blumonkey]

A little calling you mommy right off the bat is one of those red flags people typically ignore until the end when one goes over all the warning signs that were present

[Guest QueenJellybean]

So, I've got mixed emotions on this one. 

 

I would find out what the term Mommy means for this particular Little. I've met Littles who don't use those words lightly, if at all -- like myself -- and I've also met Littles who use them right off the bat as a sign of respect, and intention for the future. For some folks, they don't hold the weight that the rest of the community views them as. Your feelings and comfort level on this subject matters as well. If you think it's too soon, or you feel uncomfortable, say so. There's no shame in being the Big one and saying "I don't want you to call me this yet." 

 

As for getting to know a Little at a distance, I'm currently in two long distance relationships. I write. A lot. I do 30 day challenges, and send the answers to my partners to read, I do survey questions, we answer questions together. The best way to get to know someone is to experience their world with them, so encourage them to share it with you. Make a routine of hearing their voice once a day. Ask them about their day. Integrate yourself in their daily life, even at a distance. Apps work great for this too, and I suggest you check out our Resource written about LDRs. Good luck! 

[Guest blumonkey]

to add:  perfectly ok to call you "Ma'am"... "Mommy" - no.

[OwlMommy]

Thank you for all of your feedback! 

I spoke to him earlier this morning and he told me that he was more calling me mommy out of respect while out of little space and agreed to call me "Miss" so that I can more easily tell the difference. It wasn't so much that I was uncomfortable by it, it was just that we would have serious conversations and he would reply with "yes mommy" which would confuse me a bit to where his feelings were during the conversation. Calling me "Miss" has been working so far on this front. 

Thanks again for your help.