Problem opening up to people

[tokki]

Like the title thingy says I have a problem opening up so I always end up pushing people away it's one of the main reasons why I still don't have a daddy sense the last guy I was talking to I kinda pushed away and I really hate it I didn't know were to post this I'm just sitting at work thinking about how a guy I was talking to today ended up getting mad at me because I told him I have trouble opening up to people I'm super sad about it now

 

Anyone else have the some problems or had the same i don't know I just want advice on how to get better at talking to people

Edited April 27, 2017 by tokki

[Guest JoeKarr]

Really, people end up opening up in their own time.  I have an easy time opening up to people, but it's because I'm a bit of an extravert.  You'll be able to open up once you're comfortable with it.  If anyone gets mad over you not being able to open up, you kinda have to question their motivation sometimes.  If they really want to get to know you, they'll understand that you not opening up right away is part and parcel of who you are.  Your speed is your speed and your comfort zone is yours alone.  Don't let others behaviors dictate how fast or how much you open up.

 

You also see that you're pushing people away.  At least you've identified an issue.  Now you kinda have to see why that behavior is happening.  At that point, it's up to you to figure that out.  Maybe it's you, maybe it's them, maybe it's a combination of both.  A little self reflection might do you some good.

[alotalittle]

JoeKarr basically covered it all very well. Like he said, we all open up at our own pace and that's completely normal and okay. However, it sounds like you're wishing you could open up to someone, but you feel as though you can't. It's time to attempt getting to the root of the issue as to why it's so hard to open up. Some self-evaluation is super helpful in this moment. Ask yourself a lot of questions (What am I scared about telling people? What can I comfortably tell people about myself? Am I worried about telling even the small things such as my favorite foods, places to go, things to do, music, etc., or do I only start to get clammed up when we talk about more serious issues? Have I experienced something in my past that could cause someone to judge me harshly and I'm avoiding that? Am I ashamed of something?). You keep asking yourself questions until you feel like you've got some solid answers; I would even advise writing them down if you can. 

 

Once you've got an outline of what the difficulties in opening up are to you specifically, then you can work on each individual thing and take it slowly. Self-improvement is a journey. Don't feel pressured to suddenly be able to open up to anyone and everyone. You can still be incredibly picky about how/when/and to who you open up to. The fact that you're asking how you can open up more and push people away less means that you're already on the right path.

[Nymph]

The first step to opening up is to be able to admit it to the person you are about to open yourself to... so they hopefully be a bit more patient with you! that guy that got mad should have been flattered, his loss.

 

Have you identified at which point you start pushing them away? think hard and if it's at the same point for most guys then next time you are getting there, explain to him how you feel and that you are worried because X-situation-X makes you a bit uncomfortable.

 

Now, if you are not very good at talking, perhaps the way you went about it was hurtful or offending to the other person, in which case it would help to know what you said (if you are comfortable with sharing) so we can give you suggestions of a more gentle way to word it.

 

There is also the chance that past experiences have made you weary and even when everything is perfect you push them away because it feels like it's too good to be true. This one is a tricky one, because it won't matter if you find the most patient amazing daddy, you need to resolve this issues on your own mostly. Sometimes you just need to jump in and hope for the best, worst thing you will end up with some experience and some beautiful memories.

[tokki]

thank you to everyone to replied it really helped me even tho the person that i was talking about doesn't wish to talk to me anymore tha coments really helped me and i think ill be working on myself a bit more and trying to be a bit more honest wit the people around me *hugs*

[Kara]

Tokki,

 

I have a real hard time opening up at first too.  I find that the right person has the ability to make you feel comfortable enough to open up.   As far as the one guy being mad at you don't worry about it if his interests were genuine, then he would have been understanding and had patience.  The only advice I myself can give is be yourself and take it at a pace you are comfortable with, it should all work out from there.  To be honest you'll see me in chat and there are times I am very quiet and there are times I speak up, it is all little steps to opening up more to people, it can be scary at times but you meet really great people that become really great friends that way.

[Guest Sinderella]

I do the same thing. You just have to find someone who is patient and understanding. Think about how therapy has sessions. It takes a course of sessions to find the root of an issue because it does take many people time to open up. It may come easy to some, but especially to those who have been hurt, it just takes time!