The Term 'Fake Daddy'

[Antoinette]

Hey everybody, this is a topic I'm going try to approach respectfully and tactfully but excuse me if I sound brash at any point - this just so happens to be a topic I am extremely passionate about and I feel the need to share my insight on the topic at hand.

The term fake daddy is overused and offensive. Trust me, the word 'offensive' itself isn't even one I use regularly or lightly - I hate the outrage culture we live in currently, I hate faux offence and crybullies, but anyway let's move on I'm starting to sound like an alt-right Nazi. 

The term 'fake daddy' refers to... Well... I'm not sure actually. Because it's never actually specified what makes you a 'fake daddy', and most of the time it is in fact just a matter of a little being unsatisfied with the level of 'daddyness' she perceives her partner lacks. And yes, it is mostly women that do this. The term itself is vague and offers no real insight to the character of the person being labelled as a 'fake daddy', in fact it more so paints a picture of the person throwing the label around.
 

Because this term is thrown around so loosely and has such little real meaning it causes discomfort or lack of confidence within the daddy community, I've spoken to dozens of daddies about this very issue and they all say things along the lines of 'it makes me feel like I have to walk on eggshells constantly', do you know what that feeling is also often associated with? Abusive relationships.

Nobody is entitled to say whether or not somebody is a daddy. You are not entitled to be the giver of the nickname 'daddy'. It is not your place to say whether or not someone is or is not what they feel that they are. I understand that many littles call their ex daddies 'fake daddies' because the daddy was abusive but, while this is horrific and unforgivable, it doesn't make them a 'fake daddy', it makes them a horrible person. Yes, they could play the role of a daddy as a manipulation tactic but saying that this makes them fake is like saying people who do a type of DD/lg role play dynamic are also 'fake daddies' or 'fake littles'

 

This term is harmful to not only daddies but newer, learning littles too. It makes them think that if they do not find the absolute perfect Tumblr daddy in a suit and tie - they're fake. If they don't say all the right things - they're fake. If they just so happen to slip up and make a mistake - they're fake. If they're not a daddy constantly every minute of the day - they're fake. It leaves littles with high unobtainable expectations and leads them to throwing away chances and getting their heart broken repeatedly. 

I'm sorry for this rant, I really I am but I just had to say it.

As always with anything I say feel free to add your own opinion, a healthy debate is always welcome.

[Guest AMGR]

Thank you Antoinette for this post. I haven't though about it this way but i've met some littles on here who fit this description quite well. Not being satisfied because they have a perfect image of a daddy, anything below that image is 'fake'.

Still, even though it is a label thrown around easily everyone should be careful with daddies and mommies.

[Mikaitaku]

I have noticed the dangerous sentiment of trying to deny the exitance of "fake daddies" or littles however rare they might be. a fake daddy is a predator, he uses the term daddy as a cover to prey on littles. There are things that define what a daddy are and what they are not, and an example is someone cliaming to be a daddy while only after casual sex. The idea that there is no such thing as a fake daddy is just as dangerous as the sexualization of the dynamic which encourages the connection of DDLG with pedophilia.

 

 

if you are part of the small group that uses DDLG for sexual purposes I guess your logic is sound, but for the rest of us it is dangerous and will only bring further harm to the community.

[babydolll333]

This is a super duper good post :3

[Guest tdebr]

as a daddy i personally feel there are certain things that make you a daddy and i myself have used the term fake daddy when it comes to certain things such as guys only using the title for sexual reasons while yes sex is part of most but not all relationships of any sort it is not the main focus and purpose of cg/l dynamic in my opinion. if you cannot guide help someone learn and grow protect them be their support emotionally mentally how can you be a mommy or daddy again in my opinion. there is more to it than im your cg do what i tell you. but i also do feel the terms fake cg or fake little is thrown around alot as you said. by people who want perfection who think a cg or little has to look a certain way be a certain age by people who didnt get the gifts they wanted or felt they were owed. the point of any relationship friendship anything is to fulfill a certain need or emptiness inside you and because we want and crave something we make oursevles vunerable to those who would prey upon us so all must be careful of "fakes" in cg/l in life period always be honest about what you want and expect those who hide their true motivations behind lies and masks are fake. again these are my opinions which as a free and over 21 american i am entitled to they may anger some but my life is not a popularity contest i do not need approval.

[alotalittle]

I completely agree with you xAntoinette. I dislike the term "fake daddy" as well. If someone is abusive, manipulative, only in it to use people, etc., then we should call them what they really are: predators. I think that relying on the term "fake daddy" to deal with the abuse that runs rampant (and has run rampant for all of time) within human relationships absolutely undermines abuse and, I believe, encourages abuse and manipulation from littles. 

 

Everyone is allowed to define/describe/label themselves however they wish. It's not up to me (or anyone else) to tell someone that they are "fake". If they are behaving in an abusive manner, stop throwing the word "fake" at them and actually address the issue. These people aren't being "fake", they are being predators. And we should stop thinking that it's okay to call someone a "fake daddy" or a "fake little" just because they don't follow the protocol that you believe makes someone a daddy or a little. Abusers and predators can be daddies. Abusers and predators can be littles. Pretending that abusers and predators don't have labels and identities doesn't help anyone. 

[Guest Candy Minx ♡]

bless this post forever.

 

i agree 500%.

 

i'd also like to add how calling someone fake feels like you're rolling into 'one true wayism'

why? because you're saying that you have to live by x, y, and z to be a TRUE daddy

otherwise you're FAKE. and i generally see everyone meaning this when they use the 

term. so every time you call someone a fake anything, you're basically saying there's

only THIS way to be a true daddy/mommy/little/etc. very uncool of you.

 

which brings me to the question, can you be a fake human being? i mean the quality/ies

that you're thinking someone to be fake for makes that person a fake daddy.. if someone

who isn't into cg/l does that SAME thing does that make them a fake human? because 

they're not a daddy. it doesn't work like that. 

 

i wish there was some sort of rule against using the term fake/real around here because it's 

overused and abused, it's unhealthy and toxic for the community. it throws down a very

'us and them' kind of environment here. it makes it harder for people to learn or want to

reach out for support, and i'm positive it puts a level of hush around the daddies here 

because i can say, with the people i've spoken to, yes. they feel as if they have to walk

on eggshells.

[Guest tdebr]

a label is a label fake or predator are both labels so its wrong to call them fake if they dont follow the protocol you feel they should but ok to call them predators based on same thing?

[Johnny Hammersticks]

Yeah this "fake daddy" term really has grown into an entity of its own, its like a 9 headed hydra at this point. The term has infiltrated like every thread on this forum. Its lovely, people seem to love this term. I find it extremely annoying, but its only been a few months that this term has even been around, so im sure it will die off soon, just cos its so stupid Edited April 27, 2017 by Selfish

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

Yay, Antoinette!! I missed you <3 

 

The term "fake Daddy" probably wouldn't bug me as much if it wasn't thrown around by spoiled children who are quick to call a dom/Daddy a "fake" because stuff doesn't go their way or they don't conform to this ideal image they have in their head. You see it a lot in the M/s Community as well with people new to the scene (they normally don't last long either).. A Dom won't add up to the idea they had in their heads (through media like 50 shades, etc) and next thing you know its "oh, They aren't a REAL Dom/me because blah blah blah". It's sad and Childish. 

[Himedere-Chan]

I agree! Fake daddy is as overused as rapist to be honest, now fake daddy isn't as serious as the other word, but using a certain word over and over again waters it down, people get use to hearing it and eventually treat it like it's just a word. Boy who cried wolf much.

[Antoinette]

Yay, Antoinette!! I missed you <3 

 

The term "fake Daddy" probably wouldn't bug me as much if it wasn't thrown around by spoiled children who are quick to call a dom/Daddy a "fake" because stuff doesn't go their way or they don't conform to this ideal image they have in their head. You see it a lot in the M/s Community as well with people new to the scene (they normally don't last long either).. A Dom won't add up to the idea they had in their heads (through media like 50 shades, etc) and next thing you know its "oh, They aren't a REAL Dom/me because blah blah blah". It's sad and Childish. 

 

Yes! This! If you are describing a predator like above comments mentioned do not gloss it up or sugarcoat it with 'fake daddy', they are a predator!

 

I missed you too!

[Guest mlkykit]

1000 yes's to this post.

 

A common sentiment with the whole "fake daddy" cry is the prevalence of male predators who use the dynamic as a way to get quick sex. While I will agree that CG/l does tend to draw men only out for quick sex, I'll forever ask, why doesn't the same sentiment exist when referring to Littles who use the dynamic only to find someone who'll be an adult for them?

 

I feel that the "predatory" role is almost exclusive to males in the lifestyle, and on top of that only exclusive to a specific set of behavioural patterns. Predatory behaviour is not only exclusive to; "let me see your titties", "you've gotta have sex with me to be my Little", "send nudes". It can also involve the manipulation tactics some Littles use when trying to find a partner who will essentially allow them to shirk any and all responsibility associated with real life. However, no matter how prevalent this may be, not once have I ever seen a thread or large discussion on "how to avoid a 'fake' Little" or "methods of recognizing 'fake' Littles" because that type of behaviour is either not seen as predatory or is a norm because Littles are supposed to be "delicate" and "needy". There is a mindset of shitting on the Dom if he doesn't fit the "one true wayism" of whatever standard the Little has, and the majority is always ready and willing to eat it up.

 

The point is, call the people who exhibit shitty behaviour for what they are - they're just shitty people. The term "fake" explains nothing - there is no set of behaviour that denotes who is a Caregiver from who is not because different persons will approach the role in different ways. People need to stop soft pushing their "one true wayisms" on folks by using the term "fake".

[Antoinette]

I have noticed the dangerous sentiment of trying to deny the exitance of "fake daddies" or littles however rare they might be. a fake daddy is a predator, he uses the term daddy as a cover to prey on littles. There are things that define what a daddy are and what they are not, and an example is someone cliaming to be a daddy while only after casual sex. The idea that there is no such thing as a fake daddy is just as dangerous as the sexualization of the dynamic which encourages the connection of DDLG with pedophilia.

 

 

if you are part of the small group that uses DDLG for sexual purposes I guess your logic is sound, but for the rest of us it is dangerous and will only bring further harm to the community.

Fake daddy has become an umbrella term for whatever doesn't fit into a certain littles certain ideals.

 

Also please don't make connotations to sexual DD/lg and pedophilia, I'm a CSA survivor and the connection is not only absurd but completely wrong. 

 

You can be a daddy and want casual sex, everybody is different. 

 

And on a final note please don't bring how I use my DD/lg dynamic into my opinions and observations of the community as a whole - it's not relevant. 

[NottsDaddy]

You make some interesting points Antoinette and I agree various bad labels are thrown around far too easily and with tedious inevitibility in some online forums. However i do think Fake-Daddy is a legitimate term because I think there are quite a few out there. Namely men who think littles are easy prey so they play along in a vague way to what they think is Daddy like behaviour in order to manipulate littles or middles into doing what they want (mainly sex) and often then get bored, wander off or just reveal their real nature because its just an act they put on to get what they want with no real understanding or insight into what it means; hence the term fake being applicable. 

 

I think to my perception the number of people deserving this label has vastly increased from a few years ago because of the increased profile of DDLG online and a lot more littles/middles being more open about what they are and then before you know it a load of faking Doms who wernt having much or enough luck with reguler subs suddenly decided to call themselves Daddies because Littles looked so vulnerable and needy and thus 'easy' prey to the emotionally manipulative cretins in question. 

Edited April 27, 2017 by NottsDaddy

[Guest tdebr]

yes there are certain ways a "daddy" should act or any cg if there wasnt cg/l would not be a lifestyle wed be the same as everyone else and anyone cg or little who uses the lifestyle strictly for sex is a FAKE noo every daddy doesnt have to act the same nor does everylittle but there are certain things / traits that identify you as such 

Edited April 27, 2017 by tdebr

[alotalittle]

yes there are certain ways a "daddy" should act or any cg if there wasnt cg/l would not be a lifestyle wed be the same as everyone else and anyone cg or little who uses the lifestyle strictly for sex is a FAKE noo every daddy doesnt have to act the same nor does everylittle but there are certain things / traits that identify you as such 

 

We are all complex human beings with many different sides. We don't all live the DDlg lifestyle the same way or participate in DDlg in the same way. It would be absurd to think that there is only one way to do DDlg. Sure, CGs have some things in common and littles have things in common as well. That's what helps us identify certain ways. However, each individual's presentation of their CG or little side isn't and shouldn't all be the same. 

 

Even if DDlg is purely a sexual space for someone (and/or their partner), that doesn't make them a fake. I'm unsure why you believe that it does? I know tons of people who participate in BDSM and/or DDlg only in sexual settings, but that doesn't make their experiences and identities any less meaningful. Do I need to be a little 24/7 in order to identify as a little? Absolutely not. That would be ridiculous. I also have an adult side that has responsibilities. I also have a dominant side who has needs and desires to be fulfilled. I have a variety of sides and they're all important parts of me that make me who I am. There's nothing wrong with people tending to the needs of all parts of their lives, sexual and non-sexual. 

 

We need to stop pretending that being a "fake daddy" or a "fake little" is the problem. It's not. Nobody's identities are the issue here. The issues are predatorial behavior and those who want to claim that anyone who doesn't meet their specific standards is "fake". When the term "fake" is being applied so broadly, it isn't helpful. How can someone who happens to not have the same wants/needs as you be in the same category as someone who is actively being abusive to you? (You is being used as a general term here). We should call out abusers for their abusive behavior, not what they self-identify as. 

[Daddy's Meg]

I assumed when people say "fake daddy" they meant someone that used dd/lg as a way to cyber (do people still use that term? I'm old) or get nudes. People who don't actual want the dynamic and just the momentary manipulation. Making a promise they don't plan to keep. That is fake to me because it involves a lie.

 

But I suppose people haven't meant that this whole time (?), which honestly leaves me confused.

 

Maybe littles should just be more careful and mindful about creating a relationship *before* giving too much of themselves and this "fake" phenomenon will fade away?

Edited April 27, 2017 by Daddy's Meg

[Daddy's Meg]

Yeah this "fake daddy" term really has grown into an entity of its own, its like a 9 headed hydra at this point. The term has infiltrated like every thread on this forum. Its lovely, people seem to love this term. I find it extremely annoying, but its only been a few months that this term has even been around, so im sure it will die off soon, just cos its so stupid

Hoping you're right.

[Frog]

I haven't seen anyone denying the existence of fake anything.

 

I can't speak for Antoinette, but I think the point is that with any label it can be thrown around with no qualification. It's like saying, "Jack is a fool." Full stop. OK, by what standards? In what context? Is it just an opinion? Many times we see "fake daddy" and "fake little" (obviously a lot more of the former) but rarely with anything explaining. Then cue people rushing in and agreeing with absolutely no knowledge of how or why or anything.

 

Yes, we should continue to explain the red flags and actions of predators. But when someone just says, "I had a fake daddy" or "I'm tired of fake daddies," why not just for a second think that maybe those two people weren't compatible? Then I see in another thread that there are only a few rigid rules about what a daddy can and can't be, but an infinite number of ways to be a little. Really? So being a daddy or mommy is a cookie cutter job that can only take on certain aspects? No room for relationships being different, I guess.

 

Let's keep in mind that in relationships, there are (at least) two people. Unless this person is a close personal friend and you've personally witnessed all the events leading up to every breakup, don't just assume you know. And also don't assume you know exactly what each person in said relationship should/shouldn't and can/can't do.

 

So, yes, there are fake people on both sides. Don't assume it's one way and that you should immediately believe everything.

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

AHHH! We are we still seeing this connection between DD/lg and pedo behavior.. THIS IS NOT EVEN IN THE SAME CATAGORY. DD/lg is under the BDSM umbrella which is at base,, SEXUAL and between 2 consenting adults.. Pedophilia is the grooming and abuse of UNDERAGE children. Stop lumping my lifestyle in with this nonsense. If someone makes that comparison.. EDUCATE them... don't tell me I can't sexualize a BDSM sub sect to ease the minds of the ignorant. Just... Stahp. 

[Princess-P]

So many good points in this thread. I hate seeing the term fake Daddy used on someone who identifies as a Daddy but only wants sex. This is a thing. Some people just want sex. And there's nothing wrong with it. And they can still identify as a Daddy. Its a kink for them. For others its a lifestyle. So what?

 

If someone messages you and turns sexual very quickly its not wrong. If you tell them your not interested and they harass you; thats wrong. But that makes them an asshole, not a fake.

 

Not all daddy's are alike just like not all littles are alike. Some want sex only. Some want sexual relationships. Some want non sexual. And some just think the dynamic is a kinky roll play. All acceptable.

 

Yes some people will fake interest in you (male, female, Dom, sub, doesn't matter) and then use you for sex, or abuse you. But again if you were tricked into believing something is meaningful based on lies and manipulation... That person is an asshole. If they are honest about what they want and you agree to it then later get Hurt... Dont cry "fake". Things just didnt go your way.

[Antoinette]

I'm really enjoying the conversation this forum has caused! (:

But anyway, just an observation - a societal one rather than an inherently DD/lg or BDSM one mind you...

If a woman is put down/chastised by someone else for being extremely sexually active (and only wanting to be sexually active) then the person chastising is, excuse my language, labelled a 'slut shamer' and everybody attacks the person. But, on the flipside, if a man is extremely sexually active and wants to only be sexual with partners rather than forming a long term relationship he's labelled a 'player' 'jerk', etc. I feel like this is one of those situations where the pendulum has swung back, this very situation used to be the opposite. It was normal for guys to sleep around but absurd to think about women doing it - now women are praised for it and men are put down for it, despite it being intrinsic specifically to male Biology. 

Anyway, how this relates to DD/lg is simple - don't say something about how a daddy should act with regards to sex if you wouldn't then apply it to a little.

Edited April 28, 2017 by xAntoinette

[Guest blumonkey]

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist.

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

I'm really enjoying the conversation this forum has caused! (:

 

But anyway, just an observation - a societal one rather than an inherently DD/lg or BDSM one mind you...

 

If a woman is put down/chastised by someone else for being extremely sexually active (and only wanting to be sexually active) then the person chastising is, excuse my language, labelled a 'slut shamer' and everybody attacks the person. But, on the flipside, if a man is extremely sexually active and wants to only be sexual with partners rather than forming a long term relationship he's labelled a 'player' 'jerk', etc. I feel like this is one of those situations where the pendulum has swung back, this very situation used to be the opposite. It was normal for guys to sleep around but absurd to think about women doing it - now women are praised for it and men are put down for it, despite it being intrinsic specifically to male Biology. 

 

Anyway, how this relates to DD/lg is simple - don't say something about how a daddy should act with regards to sex if you wouldn't then apply it to a little.

 

Oh this is a whole other can of worms....

 

"Slut Shaming".. this was a term first used to put a catchy name to Victim Shaming when it came to Sexual Assault. "she was dressed like a slut, she was asking for it" It followed the whole Provocative clothing is not consent path.... What "slut shaming" has become is a far cry from what it should have been left as. A term that was used to bring attention to a legitimate issue in modern society is now a hashtag and is so diluted because people have taken it and twisted it to fit their own Agenda... Much akin to this whole "fake Daddy" nonsense. 

 

We are human beings. We all have different needs, desires and Agendas. We seek different things in an ideal partner. Chances are... 90% of the partners you encounter will not meet 50% of your "ideal" criteria and that's ok. That doesn't make them a bad person or a bad partner.. it just means they don't meet your needs or you do not meet theirs. I understand we have sketchy people here.. it is not restricted to gender, orientation or Role in the community. This is why everyone stresses the importance of getting to know someone before you become invested. Don't rush into a relationship, dont rush into collaring, just.. dont rush. You will be so much happier, So much more stable and you wont be dealing with the constant heartbreak of starting over. I think you'd see a lot less of this bitter, angry "Fake" nonsense if people would just let cooler heads prevail. There's a distinct difference between a Predator (which should always be outed in the community) and a person who just isn't compatible with your ideals. Lumping them into the same pile because you're upset, angry or your ego took a hit is childish. Maybe I am way left field on this but that's just my 2 cents on this entire deal. Also... Sex is awesome. If you're strictly in it for the sex and you're upfront about it.. there is zero problem. I dont care if you're male, Female, or other... As long as you're honest about your intentions - Go forth. If you're deceitful about your intentions and you're leading people on.. You're just a cowardly Asshole.