Fake Doms - warning signs/safety etc

[Guest Daddy's☆treasure]

Hi all! Lately I've both seen and interacted with quite a few fake Doms and I feel the need to post this. I wrote this a couple of months ago.

 

Hi everybody, it’s Daddy's_treasure! Finding the right partner for a DDlg relationship can be a hard task. Here are some of my warning signs that you should know of when looking for and/or meeting a CG/Dom/Domme both online and in public. i also have a few tips added as well.

 

- Nude pictures. One of the major red flags here is when you’re asked for any saucy pictures or nudity up front. Any genuine CG/Dom/Domme is interested in getting to know you and making a connection. If you meet somebody who asks you for pictures of this nature with no interest in wanting to get know you - LEAVE! This is not somebody you need to get involved with. Odds are they just want a no strings attached sex deal.

 

- Anything off or unusual. Lets say for the purpose of this example, that the person you meet is in their 20’s and state that they have been a CG/Dom/Domme for 15 years. Really? Do the math and question it, it’s another red flag.

 

- Call me Daddy. If they ask you to call them Daddy, Mommy, Master or Mistress, you don’t have to do it! Be respectful of course, but as a little or submissive you have no obligation to address them as such at this stage. i believe that this is an act that should be earned, honored and respected by both parties and the same applies to them addressing you with names like babygirl. Again, something i feel that is to be earned and both should feel comfortable with the names/titles chosen. Use them at a time that feels right for the both of you.

 

- OBEY ME! Asking you to do tasks or to obey. They do not own you and you should not be made to feel like you have a commitment to them when an official commitment by both of you has yet to be made.

 

- Punishment. Again, you are not owned, you have just met. There should not be any consequences like this for simply talking to a CG/Dom/Domme.

 

- Beyond inexperienced. It is fair to say that you will come across a new CG/Dom/Domme in the lifestyle who perhaps has not had a little and or submissive of their own yet. They might be as new to their role as you are to yours. That being said, what they lack in experience will hopefully be made up for in the form of a sound understanding of the basic ins and outs of the dynamic and lifestyle in general. This doesn’t mean to say that they are a bad CG/Dom/Domme, just that they are inexperienced. However, if you come across anybody who doesn’t seem to even have respect for their role or yours and has no regards for boundaries or safety, then perhaps this is not the right partner for you.

 

- Collared/owned. Being owned is a serious commitment made by both parties much like the commitment of marriage and should not be taken lightly. If a CG/Dom/Domme is claiming you as theirs and stating that they own you or have “collared” you without your permission, then this to me is a huge warning sign! This is something that should be discussed and consented upon by the both of you and have personal meaning. If they are attempting to claim you against your will, tell them goodbye and walk away.

 

- Rude or abusive behavior. As in any relationship D/s or not, any rude or abusive behavior should not be tolerated. i found a quote once (author unknown) that said “though you may kneel before me, you will never be below me” and i think that applies here. Just because you are a submissive, that doesn’t give a them the right to mistreat you. No matter what, you should be treated with respect.

 

- Personal details. Demanding your personal details i.e phone number, address etc. This is pretty much common sense, but if a CG/Dom/Domme is asking for your personal details right away, it’s a no brain-er.

 

Tips for finding, meeting & chatting with a CG/Dom/Domme:

 

 

- Do your research. Know the basics of the lifestyle and what you want out of a DDlg and D/s relationship and always try to keep yourself well informed.

 

- Ask Questions. Don’t be afraid to ask a lot of questions. Just because they are a CG/Dom/Domme doesn’t mean they are the only ones who get to ask the questions. In the beginning ask as much as you can to know as much you can about them and what they want out of a relationship. It’s a good idea to write down a list of questions you have so you can refer to them when needed. Be prepared to answer a lot of questions, too.

 

- Know your hard limits. If you’re looking for your D/s relationship to have a BDSM aspect, then it’s a good idea to know the types of kinks, fetishes and practices out there. It can be difficult to know what might be a hard limit if it’s something you’ve never tried, but do your research and seriously think about what might be on the no go list for you. It’s a good thing to know what you are wanting and not wanting to do, willing and not willing as you will then be able to discuss the possibilities in play with the CG/Dom/Domme if He or She asks.

 

- Don’t rush. Don’t feel like you have to rush into anything. Take your time and don’t feel pressured to enter into anything you feel unsure about or you’re not ready for. Finding a partner in the lifestyle isn’t easy, but it can be very rewarding once you do. This doesn’t mean you have to get involved with the first CG/Dom/Domme you meet, just go at a pace that’s comfortable for you and know that you’ll find the right partner for you when the time is right.

 

**Meeting in public.

 

If you have met somebody online and are meeting them for the first time face in public, my tip here is to meet in a place that’s popular like a cafe and not somewhere secluded. Hey, you gotta be safe, right? If you’re still a little uncomfortable on the idea, ask a friend to come along for support and have them sit at a table close by so you know you’re not alone.

Edited April 25, 2017 by Daddy's☆treasure

[Guest]

Inb4 booty hurt doms start talking about fake littles cuz that's how it always goes

 

Anyway bless this post. You bought up lots of good points. Anyone who is focused on sexual stuff right off the bat is bad news. Also awesome about explaining about someone trying to Dom you before they are your Dom.

[Guest mittendaddy]

This is really an excellent and well thought out post. These rules can be applied to littles as well. I've come across far too many that start calling me daddy right out of the gate or think that sending naughty pictures is what's expected. When I tell them to slow up a bit they end up ghosting. 

[Guest Daddy's☆treasure]

Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad you both liked my post. This is a problem that unfortunately happens a lot and I feel it's really important to address the issue to try prevent people getting involved in potentially dangerous relationships.

 

This is really an excellent and well thought out post. These rules can be applied to littles as well. I've come across far too many that start calling me daddy right out of the gate or think that sending naughty pictures is what's expected. When I tell them to slow up a bit they end up ghosting.

 

Yes Daddy's are not the only ones. Yes, ghosting does happen sadly, but I think in the end with a situation like that it was for the best! Edited April 25, 2017 by Daddy's☆treasure

[Mikaitaku]

just based off of observation avoiding anyone with daddy/dom/master in their name may also be a good idea, if that is all there is to their name they are probably not trustworthy. I would say that 80-90% of the people with daddy/dom/master as part of their name should be something you weary around. 

[Guest mlkykit]

just based off of observation avoiding anyone with daddy/dom/master in their name may also be a good idea, if that is all there is to their name they are probably not trustworthy. I would say that 80-90% of the people with daddy/dom/master as part of their name should be something you weary around. 

 

Should we avoid 80-90% of Littles based on this suggestion as well? 

[Mikaitaku]

Should we avoid 80-90% of Littles based on this suggestion as well? 

I have not observed nearly as much predatory behavior from littles. Similar names for littles usually makes it a bit uncomfortable to talk to.

 

DDLG tends to draw predatory males again this is just based off of observation. 

[Guest mlkykit]

I have not observed nearly as much predatory behavior from littles. Similar names for littles usually makes it a bit uncomfortable to talk to.

 

DDLG tends to draw predatory males again this is just based off of observation. 

 

Fair enough. 

[Guest Daddy's☆treasure]

just based off of observation avoiding anyone with daddy/dom/master in their name may also be a good idea, if that is all there is to their name they are probably not trustworthy. I would say that 80-90% of the people with daddy/dom/master as part of their name should be something you weary around.

 

I don't think it's fair to judge somebody because their name contains Daddy or Master however, I think there are some usernames that can be a little obvious as to the persons intentions, which most would know to stay away from.

[CowetaDaddy]

just based off of observation avoiding anyone with daddy/dom/master in their name may also be a good idea, if that is all there is to their name they are probably not trustworthy. I would say that 80-90% of the people with daddy/dom/master as part of their name should be something you weary around.

 

Some terms might need to be avoided, but being proud of the fact that you are a Daddy resulting in someone else wanting to avoid you is a good thing in my mind. If you are made uncomfortable because of someone's pride in being a Daddy then perhaps it would be good to look inward and figure out why you are having such a strong reaction to that word. I find it a bit offensive that you are ready to judge people so quickly when you are on a website that is supposed to be about understanding and acceptance.

 

I am a biological Daddy and a Daddy Dom. I take pride in both of those roles. I love my two boys with everything I have and make every attempt to make their lives better and richer. I pursue relationships the same way, always trying to make my partner and their life better and richer. Why should I not wear that title on my shoulder? Should I be that concerned about what you think?

 

I could agree if the name YourDaddy or EveryonesDaddy was being used, but just the word Daddy appearing in someone's username making you uncomfortable seems a bit off. I think someone with a word meaning undeveloped or wild would not want anyone making a prejudgement on them based on the username they chose.

[Mikaitaku]

Some terms might need to be avoided, but being proud of the fact that you are a Daddy resulting in someone else wanting to avoid you is a good thing in my mind. If you are made uncomfortable because of someone's pride in being a Daddy then perhaps it would be good to look inward and figure out why you are having such a strong reaction to that word. I find it a bit offensive that you are ready to judge people so quickly when you are on a website that is supposed to be about understanding and acceptance.

 

I am a biological Daddy and a Daddy Dom. I take pride in both of those roles. I love my two boys with everything I have and make every attempt to make their lives better and richer. I pursue relationships the same way, always trying to make my partner and their life better and richer. Why should I not wear that title on my shoulder? Should I be that concerned about what you think?

 

I could agree if the name YourDaddy or EveryonesDaddy was being used, but just the word Daddy appearing in someone's username making you uncomfortable seems a bit off. I think someone with a word meaning undeveloped or wild would not want anyone making a prejudgement on them based on the username they chose.

I can think of only a few people that I have seen with daddy in their name not be creepy.  I made the suggestion that you just be weary of someone with the word Daddy in their name.  I am also going by what I have seen in chat, since it is harder to get a feel for someone just based off of a few forum post.

[Mikaitaku]

I don't think it's fair to judge somebody because their name contains Daddy or Master however, I think there are some usernames that can be a little obvious as to the persons intentions, which most would know to stay away from.

It is quite fair, if you run into someone named daddy497520457 or Master34125231 that is quite likely to be a cheat way to force you into calling them Daddy/Master. 

I find it fair to also​ advocate caution when dealing with anyone with daddy/master as part of their name since there seems a greater likelihood of them being predators. The name one chooses to use can be a good warning sign, observing their behavior and their words can tell you the rest. 

 

Have your observations been different? 

[Guest mlkykit]

It is quite fair, if you run into someone named daddy497520457 or Master34125231 that is quite likely to be a cheat way to force you into calling them Daddy/Master. 

I find it fair to also​ advocate caution when dealing with anyone with daddy/master as part of their name since there seems a greater likelihood of them being predators. The name one chooses to use can be a good warning sign, observing their behavior and their words can tell you the rest. 

 

Have your observations been different? 

 

By this logic, let's throw caution to the wind when talking to someone without the words "Daddy", "Master or "Dom" in their names since they're less likely to be predators.

 

I mean...I'll agree that DD/LG tends to draw out male predators, but to judge based on just a username is ridiculous and close-minded. Also, I fail to see how someone having a username such as the ones you highlighted above is them trying to force a person into addressing them a certain way when the other party is more than able to choose a different name to address them by; It's not like a username is the equivalent to a birth name. We might as well judge all Littles the same way since they all tend to have the words "little", "kitten" and "princess" in their usernames and can be just as predatory. 

 

I believe the whole point of forums such as these is to meet and get to know persons involved in this type of lifestyle, and to judge a person's character based on a username alone is counter-intuitive. I've met plenty of Dominants with the words "Master", "Sir", "Dom" etc. in their names who turned out to be wonderful people and taught me a lot, and I've met lots of Dominants without those words in their usernames who turned out to be little boys on power-trips. Some of these usernames may be tongue-in-cheek jokes, some may be just because the person feels proud of their title, some may be a way in which the person feels is best to distinguish themselves from everyone else etc. etc. etc. . The fact of the matter is, you can't know the reasoning behind a person's username at first glance and you can't know the person's aim unless you've actually spent 5 minutes talking to them.

 

As Daddy's Treasure noted, there are some usernames that can give you insight into what a person's purposes are, but they are not the sum of everyone's parts. A username is not a biography.

[Guest Candy Minx ♡]

Inb4 booty hurt doms start talking about fake littles cuz that's how it always goes

Anyway bless this post. You bought up lots of good points. Anyone who is focused on sexual stuff right off the bat is bad news. Also awesome about explaining about someone trying to Dom you before they are your Dom.

And it's totally understandable and okay for a dom to be bothered by this. They're often heavily criticized and pointed out as wolves in this community almost exclusivley. I'm sure to the point where they have to be extra careful not to mare mistakes otherwise they're hung out to be shit on by littles and daddies alike on this site. There are so many threads about 'fake daddies' as is and people are all about it but the moment you want to make a 'fake littles post' I'm sure there'd be many littles posting 'doms can be fake too'. Honestly wish I could see less of this as a gender and fake type of thing and more along the lines of anyone is capable of x,y,z & 'know what's healthy to avoid'.

 

Honestly most of this just felt like common sense vs something pegged as a fake.

Edited April 25, 2017 by Candy Minx ♡

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

just based off of observation avoiding anyone with daddy/dom/master in their name may also be a good idea, if that is all there is to their name they are probably not trustworthy. I would say that 80-90% of the people with daddy/dom/master as part of their name should be something you weary around. 

Well then maybe they should be weary of fake Littles with "baby girl" "baby" "little" "daddy's girl" in their names. 

Makes equal sense...

 

 

 

 

Meaning none at all.

[Guest Candy Minx ♡]

It is quite fair, if you run into someone named daddy497520457 or Master34125231 that is quite likely to be a cheat way to force you into calling them Daddy/Master. 

I find it fair to also​ advocate caution when dealing with anyone with daddy/master as part of their name since there seems a greater likelihood of them being predators. The name one chooses to use can be a good warning sign, observing their behavior and their words can tell you the rest. 

 

Have your observations been different? 

 

it seems sort of assumptive and ignorant to try and pin anyone with any sort of 

label without knowing them just based on their name alone. it's a username on 

a forum, it's not an autobiography that can be thoroughly examined to make a

decision alone based on that. it'd be more likely to base your decision on what

they say, how they act, skim their posts, check their profile. if they have none of 

that your next best option is to wait and reserve judgement. i've seen lots of 

names on here but i don't judge anyone off of it, there's no real content in a name.

also being so quick to judge can easily lose you a potential friend and that's no 

good either. seems kind of like reaching really hard when you phrase someone

making a username structured just so they can be called daddy/master/etc.

 

our community itself has a ton of biases and stigmas against it already, the last 

thing we need is something as petty as name judging to worry about on top of

the many other issues at hand. yes, it seems that male dom 'fake'/abuse/etc 

happens more commonly ( but i can imagine that a lot of males won't speak up 

out of fear of the community attacking him or being seen as weak, or even some

other reason. but i know it's a thing. female on male violence/abuse. ) but that

doesn't mean we need to be auto pegging based on names. people in this 

community should be more understanding and accepting seeing as, with our 

own dynamic, we often don't receive this from people OUTSIDE of the dynamic.

 

why should we also have the stress of what our peers think and their actions 

against us being in a negative light when we receive enough of it from

strangers, family, and friends alike? something like this can easily continue

to shove wedges between peopl and communities. 

Edited April 25, 2017 by Candy Minx ♡

[Mikaitaku]

By this logic, let's throw caution to the wind when talking to someone without the words "Daddy", "Master or "Dom" in their names since they're less likely to be predators.

 

I mean...I'll agree that DD/LG tends to draw out male predators, but to judge based on just a username is ridiculous and close-minded. Also, I fail to see how someone having a username such as the ones you highlighted above is them trying to force a person into addressing them a certain way when the other party is more than able to choose a different name to address them by; It's not like a username is the equivalent to a birth name. We might as well judge all Littles the same way since they all tend to have the words "little", "kitten" and "princess" in their usernames and can be just as predatory. 

 

I believe the whole point of forums such as these is to meet and get to know persons involved in this type of lifestyle, and to judge a person's character based on a username alone is counter-intuitive. I've met plenty of Dominants with the words "Master", "Sir", "Dom" etc. in their names who turned out to be wonderful people and taught me a lot, and I've met lots of Dominants without those words in their usernames who turned out to be little boys on power-trips. Some of these usernames may be tongue-in-cheek jokes, some may be just because the person feels proud of their title, some may be a way in which the person feels is best to distinguish themselves from everyone else etc. etc. etc. . The fact of the matter is, you can't know the reasoning behind a person's username at first glance and you can't know the person's aim unless you've actually spent 5 minutes talking to them.

 

As Daddy's Treasure noted, there are some usernames that can give you insight into what a person's purposes are, but they are not the sum of everyone's parts. A username is not a biography.

Usernames are very close to given names, it is the name you are known by on the forum. Name, words have meanings and connotations so great care should be taken when choosing a name.  If there is a user by the name of Daddy5489 you don't really have much choice but to call them either daddy or 5489.

I was adding something to the list of what to look out for, using only one Method to keep an eye out for fake daddies would be foolish in the extreme. 

Which is again the reason I would add usernames as an indication, ​not the only indication.

[Guest mlkykit]

Usernames are very close to given names, it is the name you are known by on the forum. Name, words have meanings and connotations so great care should be taken when choosing a name.  If there is a user by the name of Daddy5489 you don't really have much choice but to call them either daddy or 5489.

I was adding something to the list of what to look out for, using only one Method to keep an eye out for fake daddies would be foolish in the extreme. 

Which is again the reason I would add usernames as an indication, ​not the only indication.

 

I don't see my username being close to my given name at all. Yes, it's what I'm known by in a forum, but if someone is speaking to me and chooses to call me something outside of my username, that wouldn't be an issue. That being said, if the other party has an issue with the name you stated above, they can easily say, "hey, I have a bit of a problem with your username. Can I call you something else?" - it really is that simple. As much as there may be a childish mindset in the Little community, they are still adults capable of using common sense and speaking their mind.

 

Names and words have meaning, true. But a username isn't taken that seriously by a lot of people. When I was signing up for this site, I wanted to use the username "lorddomlypants" because I thought it was funny; Not everything has to taken as seriously as you think, it's just the internet. 

 

You presented the method as some sort of rule of thumb - this leaves room for extremes for newer Littles especially. Using usernames as an indication to whether or not a Dom is "fake" or not is judgmental and, in my head, akin to judging the way someone holds to pen to decide if the person has good penmanship; it's really not that serious. 

Edited April 25, 2017 by mlkykit

[Guest Daddy's☆treasure]

It is quite fair, if you run into someone named daddy497520457 or Master34125231 that is quite likely to be a cheat way to force you into calling them Daddy/Master.

I find it fair to also​ advocate caution when dealing with anyone with daddy/master as part of their name since there seems a greater likelihood of them being predators. The name one chooses to use can be a good warning sign, observing their behavior and their words can tell you the rest.

 

Have your observations been different?

 

I'm sure everybody has reasons for the name they chose and it's not fair to judge them on that alone. If somebody had named themselves "sleazy4you" it might raise a few questions, but you can't judge on the name. Even the ones with numbers in their name, perhaps they had trouble thinking of something and or the name they chose was already in use? Edited April 26, 2017 by Daddy's☆treasure

[mangolollipop]

I just wanna ask, is it considered a red flag if I send nudes to my current Dom?

I love sending nudes or naughty photos/video. :3

I have a very strong attraction to my new Dom and he's pretty sweet to me and even prior to meeting him, I have a strong attraction to him that I cannot resist.

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

If you're in a relationship with said DD and wish to send nudes then that's all you. Just always use caution because not everyone is trustworthy and it takes 2 minutes and a bad breakup for your intimate pictures to end up on the internet.