New Daddy Struggling to Punish

[EchoProtocol]

Ello! I'm still very new to the life and though I'm really trying to learn how to Daddy properly there are a few areas I'm lacking in and could really use some advice.

 

The biggest one is pain. I hate hurting people, and though I know it's more harmful to my little to not punish her than to not do so, I haven't gotten over that mental block of thinking "This is abusive." Consciously I know it isn't as she has not only consented but specifically requested it, but still I can't do any punishment without feeling like I'm just being an abusive asshole. I tried ignoring that feeling but she can tell I'm not really into giving the punishments.

 

She gave me a few ideas, but when I thought it was the right time to use them she got really hurt that I had. I don't know what I'm supposed to do that will let us both be happy in this.

 

Please. I need any help I can get.

[Guest]

Well if it's a punishment you are supposed to feel bad after it that's the whole point. If your happy the punishment didn't really do anything. Maybe try stuff that's not super mean if you feel bad.

 

Like writing lines, writing an apology , having a "time out" from social media for 30 mins or going to bed early. Things that are not mean but they will make her think about what she did to earn the punishment

[Leo_Ascendent]

Like Papi said, there are more ways to punish other than spankings (my Little likes them, so it's counter-intuitive to spank her lol). Some suggestions:

 

• Timeouts, a classic, stand or sit in the corner for X minutes
• Writing what they did and why it's wrong, if Little can write
• Taking away toys
• "Options", if Little is playing with their food, options such as "eating or leaving the table" can be effective

[Princess-P]

Its important to remember that punishments dont have to be physical. While rules and punishments are not a must have to this dynamic many people find them beneficial.

 

If you have set rules you both agree on to alter a behavior that she wishes to change about herself then stick to punishments you are comfortable with.

 

Also punishments should not be something she enjoys. If she likes spankings then a punishment of spanking will not be effective. There for its just fun and won't alter any behaviour, in fact it will probably increase the behavior in order to receive the "punishment".

[Guest Daddy's☆treasure]

I agree with all that's been said you can do non physical punishments that can be very effective, and make sure not to incorporate something she enjoys in any way. Here's some of my ideas:

 

Taking away stuffies

No playtime

No watching tv

Time out

No dessert or sweets

Early bedtime

No play at bath time

Writing lines

 

 

 

One tip if I may, don't use something like "time away from Daddy" or "I'm going to ignore you for the next x amount of minutes", as I've seen this being used and it can backfire and hurt your little as well as being destructive to the relationship.

[Guest StrangeKitten26]

i agree with all of the above, spanking punishment can be enjoyed, rather give your little something she doesn't enjoy happening. No trips to the park, time outs, no bedtime stories, no t.v. ect. ect. Make sure to go over boundries when you feel they have been crossed because a little can change just as fast as daddy can, writing rules down or having your little write them down if they can will help push them into the memory a lot easier as well, just as suggestion. 

[Guest blumonkey]

since she wants punishment.... enjoy not the pain you inflict, enjoy the enjoyment your little is experiencing when she is being punished. It's that simple.

[Guest Daddy'sBabyGirl2017]

I agree with all that's been said you can do non physical punishments that can be very effective, and make sure not to incorporate something she enjoys in any way. Here's some of my ideas:

 

Taking away stuffies

No playtime

No watching tv

Time out

No dessert or sweets

Early bedtime

No play at bath time

Writing lines

 

 

 

One tip if I may, don't use something like "time away from Daddy" or "I'm going to ignore you for the next x amount of minutes", as I've seen this being used and it can backfire and hurt your little as well as being destructive to the relationship.

taking away stuffies is actually a bad thing bc ur taking away a comfort object..me being a little..i know..i bit my daddy bc he took away my stuffies...he now knowz not to touch my stuffies

[Guest MeneerM]

Maybe it can help to add specific punishments you both agree on into your BDSM-contract. This way you know she is OK with the punishment. So you are no abusive asshole, but the executor of the this you agreed on.

In the same contract you agree on the fact that you are the one deciding which punishment will be implemented. This way your little must and will accept your weapon of choice in every situation.

As mentioned earlier you can always put some other kinds than physical punishments into the contract.

Good luck!!

[Guest Candy Minx ♡]

taking away stuffies is actually a bad thing bc ur taking away a comfort object..me being a little..i know..i bit my daddy bc he took away my stuffies...he now knowz not to touch my stuffies

What doesn't work for you doesn't mean it won't work for someone else so it's a very reasonable thing to do.

 

I wouldn't really bite anyone if they're doing something I don't like though.. that's not the best reaction. Using words to explain why you don't like it makes more sense to do and is a lot more reasonable

Edited May 23, 2017 by Candy Minx ♡

[Guest Spryor0377]

Maybe it can help to add specific punishments you both agree on into your BDSM-contract. This way you know she is OK with the punishment. So you are no abusive asshole, but the executor of the this you agreed on.

In the same contract you agree on the fact that you are the one deciding which punishment will be implemented. This way your little must and will accept your weapon of choice in every situation.

As mentioned earlier you can always put some other kinds than physical punishments into the contract.

Good luck!!

Oh yes, sir. A past daddy of mine loved writing up our contracts. It not only help set boundaries and requirements and that sort of thing, but also made sure I knew what I was agreeing to.

[Guest MeneerM]

Oh yes, sir. A past daddy of mine loved writing up our contracts. It not only help set boundaries and requirements and that sort of thing, but also made sure I knew what I was agreeing to.

 

Exactly. It really helps for both parties to play without any questions and hesitations!

[babygirlprincessxo]

There are many ways to punish a little that do not involve physical punishment. In addition to more common punishments including writing lines and limiting privileges such as an earlier bedtime or no tv, there are many more options. Some of the ones that my daddy uses on me are limiting access to social media (he changed my passwords for a short period of time), standing in the corner, chores, losing a sticker from my reward chart, taking the toys out of the bath tub so I can only clean myself, and taking away toys. Make sure to never take away comfort objects such as a paci, stuffie, or blankie or restrict contact with your little because it can make a little feel unsafe instead of learning from a punishment.

[tayiie]

[*]"Options", if Little is playing with their food, options such as "eating or leaving the table" can be effective

I like this one! Never thought of this type of punishment, but I like it!

[*Firefly*]

taking away stuffies is actually a bad thing bc ur taking away a comfort object..me being a little..i know..i bit my daddy bc he took away my stuffies...he now knowz not to touch my stuffies

 

yeah i definitely do not recommend taking away stuffies. my daddy tried to do that to me once and i had a breakdown because my stuffie is my biggest comfort item and i need him. try taking away something else. maybe no treats for x amount of time, or taking away a specific coloring book for x amount of time, etc.

[Ink]

There have been a lot of really great suggestions so far about different punishments.

 

Try thinking about it backwards - ultimately what are you trying to achieve? Reaffirming your position in the dynamic? Having Little stick to their routine/list/task? Apologise? Feel a little bad about what they've done, but not too bad?

 

Thinking about this first can help simplify matching the punishment to the crime...so to speak

 

And above all, when starting out play it safe and err on the side of too-little (heh) rather than too much. Little's are delicate and whilst we provide structure and discipline we never want to over-do a punishment. Seeing as you guys seem comfortable enough talking about it (she's asked you for it) then perhaps after you've tried a few of the lighter punishments (as necessary obviously!) you could ask her about how she felt about them. Or you may just find that her reaction tells you everything you need to know

 

Good Luck!

[Guest littleloveslars]

There have been a ton of great ideas on here. The biggest thing to remember when youre training your little is to warn them when they are enterint punishment territory. If you shock your little they can have bad reactions and youll feel worse. Giving a warning is a good way of reminding them. My daddy has learned that warning me is sometimes more effective than punishing me because im not always deliberately trying to disobey. Other really effective tools i have read about are making your little a list of rules and having her memorize them and quizzing her on them. Some daddies even make the little do lines of the rules as a punishment. Since i am pregnant my daddy doesn't do physical punishments so instead has to get creative. He has an app he uses to disable my phone. It keeps me behaving when he isnt physically with me. Good luck! Oh and feeling bad just means you care. Its a good sign!