How to tell my fiancé and why are you a little?

[cheychey10]

So I have told my fiancé a few times before that I want a ddlg relationship. Before I have a relationship that was a dom and sub one but he was also abusive so I left him . My fiancé isn't very dom at all he thinks he will hurt me spanking during sex and I like things rougher than that . Lately I have been super sad about it and crying .when I'm crying he's laughing and saying stop it what are you a baby and it just makes it worse . I have been coloring also and just acting little . He laughed again and said stop that your acting like a child and ur an adult .i told him I am 3 lol not 22. He has asked me why I want to be a little and I am not sure how to explain it besides I like to act like a child and color . I like it when someone wants to take care of me and hold me a lot . He said it's just weird and it doesn't turn him on .

 

So what's what best way I should go about this and why are you a little?

[Guest PrincessKittyx]

First of all: You are so super brave for expressing what you want in your developed relationship and I'm sorry that he's not hearing you out or even trying. When I was in a vanilla relationship I was super unhappy but too scared to say anything for fear of being misunderstood or left. I had a nine year relationship and I had to really assess what I wanted and what my partner was willing to meet me halfway with. Ultimately, if you're not happy, you gotta make it so you are. We never got engaged in all that time so the split was a little easier but- it's still hard no matter what.

 

I think I've been a little for a long time but I didn't have a word for how I felt. I was always into BDSM and D/s relationships but the intimate moments felt super empty for me. Reading about ddlc kinda gave me a label for how I felt and solutions to the emptiness I felt. So- that's mostly why. Also, probably cause my actual Dad acted like he hated me my whole life so- "Daddy Issues" I guess *eye roll*

[Guest mlkykit]

Okay, a few things.

 

Firstly, I don't think laughing while you were distressed was a very mature or nice thing for him to do. However, I can see where he's coming from. If I knew nothing of what it is to be a Little or be in a CG/l dynamic, I'd be inclined to respond very strongly, and perhaps negatively, as well. That being said, was he aware of you being a Little before the engagement or before you became a couple? If he didn't, I'd imagine how shocked and confused he must have been the first time you exposed that side of yourself to him; Try to see things from his point of view. Perhaps instead of trying to explain what it is to be a Little, because that means different things to different individuals, you could explain what being a Little means to you. Whether that means saying, "Being a Little, I like to _______ and I am like this or that, I also like when _______ is done while I'm Little", finding articles for him to read or anything that would help him get a greater understanding of the dynamic, then you can get his viewpoints or concerns and figure out together where compromises can be made afterwards. Ultimately, clear communication is what's best in a situation such as this.

 

I do think it's worth noting though, that you shouldn't push anything on someone. If it's not his cup of tea, then it's not his cup of tea and you will have to respect that. It's up to you to decide whether or not you can compromise if he's already made up his mind that it's not for him. 

 

I don't identify as a Little, I'm a Middle/Switch, so I think I'd be a little different from you because I'm not very fond of childish things besides cartoons.  Like you, I like being taken care of and coddled when in my Middle headspace though.

[HisuianLilligant]

I'm a little because I am usually in a childish regressive state, it's just how I am. I like to have rules, structure etc because it makes me feel safe, and I can be unresponsible/forgetful/impulsive and giving that power over to my Daddy to take care of me makes it much easier to manage life and stress overall