Double-Standards in the DD lg Community

[Leo_Ascendent]

Hello all,

 

So maybe it's just me, but having been in the community for almost a decade, I can't help but notice some things, that I'm sure some have noticed as well, that seem to be double-standards (c'est la vie, I suppose). Shouldn't really matter, but it bugs me to no end, for whatever reason.

 

On another site, I've ran into many Caregivers that are often told they can't be Daddy's/Mommy's because of their age. This is usually by older people, almost always a "Daddy" telling someone who is 18-25 or so that they can't because they aren't old enough, experienced, skilled, etc

 

It's honestly pretty sad that a community like ours, where we get enough BS from "normal" society for our likes, that we have this perception as well. The even bigger catch, those same "Doms" are almost always (again, just from what I have personally seen) trolling for fresh 18-21 year olds. So to them, you can only be a Little if you're still young, but you gotta be 30+ or whatever to be a Daddy.

 

I've been told I can't be a DD because I was only 25 at the time, to which I just laughed at the clown and blocked him, but for many, I've seen them get discouraged all together. And retreat or have their confidence shaken.

 

Anyways, just me venting a bit, wondering if anyone else has seen this, or sadly, experienced it themselves.

[Daddy's Meg]

I've seen it, but honestly not so much on this Forum. This forum seems pretty supportive.

 

I agree however, being a DD has very little to do with age and everything to do with personaility and willingness to learn/grow. Maybe part of the issue is lots of littles prefer older doms, because it "appears" they will be more experienced, therefore be more Dominant and/or having someone older makes it easier for them to feel younger/little. A real mistake in thinking, but one I have seen in the personals section several times.

 

In my experience it hasn't been something I've had to deal with, because I haven't had to seek out a partner in this community. I've been with my Daddy since 2000. I imagine my being in my 30s may make it harder for some DD's to accept me as a little. That's what I perceive, even if I've never experienced it.

[Spooky]

My DD is younger than me

 

I do know what you mean, I think younger men and older women do have a harder time for those reasons. It shouldn't affect a relationship but there are narrow minded people every where. 

[Guest mlkykit]

Not experienced, but seen. 

 

I do think, however, that the whole "you can't be a Dom if you're not X age" stems from the idea that younger individuals may not be as mature as their older counterparts. Not to say that young people can't be mature, but the opposite is often seen. Like @Daddy'sMeg stated above, a lot of being a Dom is not only reliant on personality, but also the ability and willingness to grow and learn as you go along. From personal experience, I've seen a lot of younger Doms who follow the Tumblr "rule of thumb" when entering BDSM; "The Dom is always in control, the Sub has little or no say", but I've also seen a lot of older Doms who follow the same creed albeit in lesser numbers. My thing is, if you're not willing to ask for help when you're unsure or willing to learn from your Sub - then this isn't for you, no matter the age.

 

Subs will also gravitate to older Doms, because it fits the archetype of a CG/l relationship. They'll feel safer with an older Dom because it's commonly thought that older = more experienced/mature, and that Dom isn't just interested in getting his jollies off. Again, I can't be too mad at them for this because of my personal experiences and observations, but I also think it's worth noting that common sense should always come into play when looking for partners. A generalization shouldn't be used to determine who can be a good Dom versus a bad one.

 

With regard to the double standard complex, I'm completely with you and it irks my very soul. Especially considering that there are a lot of young girls who use the CG/l dynamic to find someone who'll be an adult for them, and especially especially considering that these young girls often come in with the 50SoG mindset and are more willing to jump into any ol' relationship with any ol' person who has "Dom" as the title while having no prior experience/knowledge or basic common sense.

[Guest Candy Minx ♡]

i suppose i can only speak from this particular site but i do see what you're saying

and i view it sometimes here but not too often. i've seen a few threads that were 

more maturity based but that goes hand in hand with age often enough around the

ages that we're all still developing and growing up mentally and that happens well

into our 20s ( not saying someone who is young can't be mature ).

 

i think part of the age bias against the younger daddies/littles is that cg/l has sort of 

turned into a bandwagon type of thing for a lot of younger ( and even older, i'm

sure ) people, a phase to some as well. ( and i by no means am saying that there

aren't younger people participating in the dynamic healthily and happily. ) it's not

really weird that it's happening, cg/l has a lot of appealing aspects to people both

relationship wise and aesthetically. but it's something we can't help, but to have

the loudest part of the community being ( usually ) the younger members that

don't always necessarily have the.. how do i carefully word this? they're new and

fresh, getting into it, learning all sorts of new things and sometimes they learn the

wrong idea of things ( such as littles thinking they need to be a certain size to be a

little or daddies thinking they need to have set rules and be super strict @ their 

little because they picked it up randomly somewhere ), sometimes they don't learn

much at all and just dive in based on or two things they see. 

 

not everyone tolerates things like that too well, not excusing trying to chase out the

younger adults or even insult them, but it's understandable why they would feel they

don't belong in the community at such a young age. everyone grows up differently,

raised differently, different environments, and all of those other things that shape us

so naturally people are going to have different perspectives and opinions and it's not

bad there's also very little we can do about the bad part.

 

as far as dominants/daddies who run about looking for younger girls, it's something i 

don't see a lot of here, maybe once and he was quickly banned. but it's no different

than littles around here running in and wanting older doms to be their caregivers, they're

usually more appealing to them. 

 

i also feel like i have to comment on the fact that there are underage littles trying to get

into the dynamic and will willingly lie about their age to do it, thus, getting someone in 

trouble so if the little see fit depending on how the relationship goes. that and the fact

that there are more than enough people who are open and accepting to underage littles

and even encourage it without thinking about the consequence of them attempting to get

into a cg/l ship with an adult. that being said, it sort of adds to how easily people can be

put off by the younger crowd. 

Edited April 22, 2017 by Candy Minx ♡

[LittleBlackRose]

Hello all,

 

So maybe it's just me, but having been in the community for almost a decade, I can't help but notice some things, that I'm sure some have noticed as well, that seem to be double-standards (c'est la vie, I suppose). Shouldn't really matter, but it bugs me to no end, for whatever reason.

 

On another site, I've ran into many Caregivers that are often told they can't be Daddy's/Mommy's because of their age. This is usually by older people, almost always a "Daddy" telling someone who is 18-25 or so that they can't because they aren't old enough, experienced, skilled, etc

 

It's honestly pretty sad that a community like ours, where we get enough BS from "normal" society for our likes, that we have this perception as well. The even bigger catch, those same "Doms" are almost always (again, just from what I have personally seen) trolling for fresh 18-21 year olds. So to them, you can only be a Little if you're still young, but you gotta be 30+ or whatever to be a Daddy.

 

I've been told I can't be a DD because I was only 25 at the time, to which I just laughed at the clown and blocked him, but for many, I've seen them get discouraged all together. And retreat or have their confidence shaken.

 

Anyways, just me venting a bit, wondering if anyone else has seen this, or sadly, experienced it themselves.

 

Yes, I've seen it on the site and, to a much more limited extent, am a little guilty of it. I do not​ feel that a man over 18 can't​ be a DD at all; however, I do feel that a man between 18-28-ish can't be my​ DD as a 37 year old woman. This is a simple matter of my ability to connect without a compulsion to mother and based on my personal experience. I recognize that the age of the DD shouldn't matter, and it doesn't in regard to community involvement, but it does matter if I'm entering in to the relationship. This same limitation on age would apply if it was a completely vanilla scenario. If I could have reasonably birthed you, I can't date you.

[Frog]

I have definitely seen it and experienced it. Because I'm in my mid-40s, many say I can't be a daddy because I'm too old. That's here and other places. But a 20ish little isn't too young to be a little? (I'm not saying anyone is too old or too young for any role. Just pointing out the hypocrisy.)

 

Furthermore, because I am attracted to my age as well as younger, there are very many who immediately say that makes me a fake daddy. There's a feeling by many people that if an older daddy type has any interest at all in a younger little, that qualifies him as a fake daddy or (worse) predator.

 

It's very frustrating, to say the least.

[Atomisk2121]

I'm 34 and I'm constantly told that I'm too old AND too young to be a good CG. Hahahaha! There will always be haters. Brush them aside and move on. Keep on doing what you're doing and ignore them

[kissingkitten]

My daddy is younger than me. I never anticipated it or sought that out. It just happened. We connected and the bond grew. When i was younger i used to date much older guys. Now im older biologically and still little inside and am enjoying having someone who treats me amazingly and communicates more than anyone ive ever dated. It doesnt matter that hes younger. We talked about it before we became a couple to make sure we gave it considerstion. Its not just that i love him for being my daddy, i love him because he helps me when im adulting and with anything. Its not just a "daddy" role, he is my partner.

[DollDirector]

The topic refers to double-standards in the community,and to things seen on another site.

Most comments are not referring to this site. It's good to see that this site is chosen to discuss what happens on others; I just wanted to underline this,it says a lot,thanks.

Up to now I haven't seen as many double-standards here than in society in general.

[Leo_Ascendent]

One of my friends who used to identify as a Little left the community because of another site that had a pretty toxic community. She wasnt a ABDL (no diapers or pacis), and often got told she was in the lifestyle for sex, because that makes sense. I'm glad I haven't seen that here.

[Simon.dd4lg]

I don't think age matters at all tbh so long as it's all legal. Age is just a number. If u find someone that is suited to u u can be whatever feels right for u both