A question about knowledge

[Guest Daddy's☆treasure]

Hi all! Sorry if this is in the wrong section and if so, thank you for moving it if you have to.

 

So I'm hoping to write a book (in the process) to help new submissives understand the basic ins and outs of D/s. I fear, and no offence, that not enough people in the lifestyle today are educated as much as they could be, or those who are not so new, keeping themselves well informed.

 

I would like to ask how many littles/submissives feel they are comfortable in their knowledge and safety of the dynamic, and those who wish they had more?

 

Do any of you feel that perhaps you rely on your Dominant to know all the protocol and safety procedures?

 

How many of you looked for resources when starting out and how many put their trust in their Dominant to guide them through?

 

Caregivers/Dominants do you feel little/submissives could benefit from such resources or do you prefer to be the sole educator?

 

Thanks all!

Edited April 19, 2017 by Daddy's☆treasure

[Guest Ginger]

I looked up info long before I was actively looking for a Dom, as well as before I was 18. I was too embarrassed to try and find any websites like this (though I now know I would have been kicked/banned had I tried to join). I mostly looked up stuff while at the library on their computers or something. Things like what safe words were, what a 'real' Dom would be like vs fake (I failed in this 2x though, so I guess only experience can help at times).

I don't expect my Dom to know everything; I like to know what I'm getting myself into. Grant it, we don't have a safe word, simply because he knows when I say stop, I mean stop. I don't mess around and say that just to egg him on. But we both have about equal knowledge on stuff, sometimes he'll have questions for me though and vice versa. We both help each other out when needed

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

I feel pretty well informed, however I am always striving to learn more about any topics, let alone ones I'm actively engaged in. As far as my safety in the dynamic goes, I am 100% secure with my safety with my Daddy. Being married and starting out as vanilla, then D/s, and now Daddy and little, I feel like we are 100% safe.

 

Rely on my Dominate? Well, we discovered this lifestyle together, but I do the majority of research. I let him know when I find something interesting/helpful and we read it together. I rely on the internet for my knowledge.

 

We would have never known about DDlg without looking for resources. So we for sure looked for resources.

[Guest Daddy's☆treasure]

Thank you for your response Ginger!

 

I know how you felt at an early age as I felt the same. You have made a good point there as well that some things simply come from experience. But I like that you both help each other out and learn together.

 

I also like your signature, it's very true!

Edited April 19, 2017 by Daddy's☆treasure

[Guest Daddy's☆treasure]

I feel pretty well informed, however I am always striving to learn more about any topics, let alone ones I'm actively engaged in. As far as my safety in the dynamic goes, I am 100% secure with my safety with my Daddy. Being married and starting out as vanilla, then D/s, and now Daddy and little, I feel like we are 100% safe.

Rely on my Dominate? Well, we discovered this lifestyle together, but I do the majority of research. I let him know when I find something interesting/helpful and we read it together. I rely on the internet for my knowledge.

We would have never known about DDlg without looking for resources. So we for sure looked for resources.

Thanks Daddy's Babygirl!

 

I like that the trust and love between you two would have already been there before you both got into a D/s and DDlg relationship together. I'm sure that made it easer to make that transition and I'm glad to hear about you and your partners safety.

 

I'm glad that you find resources helpful and continue to search for them.

[Guest]

Well I was around 24/25 when I found ddlg. I thought it was amazing and everything I ever wanted. I read about it ALOT before trying to find a daddy.

 

I had a "friend" who was a "daddy" from another site agree to look after me and show me the ropes and keep me from falling pray to a fake daddy. Turns out he used that trust to try and pull a fast one. Not friends with him now lol, but it did teach me what to look out for and alot of red flags.

 

Once I finally found a daddy, a lot of the stuff I read didn't really fit into the relationship with him. From there I learned that there is no ONE WAY of doing things. That each relationship is different and there are no "rules of ddlg ", no it's gotta be this way or it's not ddlg.

 

People should just do what works for them. Yeah read up a learn about things before hand but realize once you do that you can pretty much make your relationship with your daddy whatever you want.

[Guest Daddy's☆treasure]

Thanks for you input Satan's Babydoll.

 

Yes, your right about DDlg being whatever people wish to make it in their couple, but my book idea is merely D/s based. I realise that not all DDlg relationships include D/s or BDSM and also that each relationship is different and specific to each couple. However I do believe that in the role of Dom/sub there are some basic protocol or etiquette if I may, that are important factors in the dynamic and of course, safe practices are always important to be aware of.

 

I have written a few pieces about spotting fake/dangerous people, how to meet people safely, the differences between D/s and M/s etc which I intend to use also.

[Guest Daddy's☆treasure]

The book is not a "this-is-how-you-should-run-your-relationship" deal, it's merely a starting point for those who need a little guidance in taking that first step, and an introduction of what a D/s relationship can be like. Edited April 19, 2017 by Daddy's☆treasure

[shadowking135]

well as a daddy i feel like my babygirl should have some of her own knowlage to help her learn who she is after all if she knew nothing how would she knows if she was truly a babygirl ?

[Guest]

That sounds like a good idea. Having basic info over stuff like that would be helpful for a lot of people I am sure. There is still a "formula" to a ddlg relationship that can be explained for sure.

[Guest Georgia-Daddy2]

I think this is a fantastic idea! A little research can go a long way. In my case I had no idea what ddlg was until a girl I was with asked me to try it. I said yes to trying​ it and I had to learn on the fly. It was difficult trying to be everything she wanted without being told how to do it (if that makes sense). I studied up on it every night after she went to sleep using different sites. So that's why I think having 1 source with a lot of information is a great idea.

[Johnny Hammersticks]

A think a resource such as a book, to help a submissive navigate what might be a scary and somewhat overwhelming life choice of entering into the bdsm world, would be an amazing thing.

 

Dominant people are so assertive and physically and mentally powerful, that a resource that helps a submissive realize the emotional power THEY hold, and how to properly utilize it would be a huge contribution to this lifestyle.

 

Bdsm and Ddlg relationships are already on the edge of normalcy enough, and its a fine line between healthy and safe, and abuse, that some well written guidelines on how a new or unsure little or submissive can harness their "princess powers" is a must have.

 

Great idea!

[Guest Candy Minx ♡]

i feel i'm comfortable enough in my knowledge to keep myself and my partner safe

with things but i always will wish i had more, i generally refuse to stop asking

questions and learning. both my Daddy and i are in constant states of learning new

things and adding them to our own dynamic.

 

i was into a few things before i asked my dom to be my dom and so in the beginning there

it was more so me guiding and helping! he's very good at researching and went out on his

own to find things as well. we both read resources together and separately. 

 

at this point i think it's less guiding one or the other between the two of us and sort of just

holding hands and moving forward together. 

[Frog]

The only caveat I have is this: When I hear of one source or book or guide or anything, it raises a flag that it will be one person's opinion on what something should be. That's like saying there's one book on French cooking or one book on acrylic painting.

 

I'm not saying you will, but one person's guide isn't always definitive.

[Guest mlkykit]

The only caveat I have is this: When I hear of one source or book or guide or anything, it raises a flag that it will be one person's opinion on what something should be. That's like saying there's one book on French cooking or one book on acrylic painting.

 

I'm not saying you will, but one person's guide isn't always definitive.

 

Agreed on every point; I feel like it could give way to some "One True Way-isms". My thing is, as responsible adults, no one should ever get involved in something that they know nothing about. A D/s relationship may have a different dynamic than a "vanilla" relationship, but at the end of the day it's still just a regular ol' relationship where both partners must agree on the goals of the partnership. I always stress that communication is key on every front; It's up to you to decide what you need and what you don't need out of the relationship.

 

Aside from that however, I think a guide on safety protocol would be very useful to newbies.

[Guest Candy Minx ♡]

I feel like I missed somewhere in her post where she said she was making a guide and not just a book full of ins and outs. She could easily push the idea that there's no one true way but also introduce them to the different ways of doing things, again, promoting there's not just one way of doing things. Don't really see an issue with that.

[Guest mlkykit]

A book of "ins and outs" can be also be seen as a guide in my head. And no one, as far as I see, has an issue with anything. What I was trying to say is that newbies, because they may know very little about the dynamic, may see it as a "one true way" of doing things. Not to say that that's what the OP is aiming for, but it could easily happen. I'm all for a lil' book on how to get started and I'm sure a lot of other newbies would be grateful, it's just how it will be done and interpreted.

[Guest Daddy's☆treasure]

Thanks for all the input guys!

 

I'll tell you what I told Sir this morning.

 

I know every relationship has their own way. However, I got into BDSM first and then discovered D/s. So for me, that was kinda daunting finding out about all the fetishes and things without realising what was really behind it all. When I realised I was submissive, my first experience didn't help me in finding out what it was all about. I felt like I was constantly being told that my job was just to obey and not ask any questions. I, of course, looked for resources following that experience, but I found some of them (looking back now) to be misleading or they were just too spread out. You could find one part on one site then another part on another site. I found that the information didn't really come together as a whole, so I want to offer something that gives the basics to better help new submissives understand more about the lifestyle.

[Guest mlkykit]

Ah, that's lil' clearer. That'd be a great idea! Lots of articles on how the submissive must obey above all and how the dominant is always in charge no matter the circumstance, not many on different ways to do things. I say go for it, a comprehensive guide would be really valuable.

[Guest Daddy's☆treasure]

Thank you!

[Frog]

If you need any help formatting it, just ask!

[Guest Candy Minx ♡]

Ah, that's lil' clearer. That'd be a great idea! Lots of articles on how the submissive must obey above all and how the dominant is always in charge no matter the circumstance, not many on different ways to do things. I say go for it, a comprehensive guide would be really valuable.

 

i used to read a few things from a particularly popular ddlg blog run by a daddy and his

little. they had nice articles and cute stuff to look at. except one day while i was skimming

a random article, i saw something about how littles should always please their daddies.

that didn't bother me, what bothered me. what did was the fact i saw a part dedicated to

'when you don't feel like having sex with daddy' or something along those lines in which

the little encouraged other littles to just lay there and allow their daddy to use them how

he wanted. that, even if the little didnt' feel like it/well, they should let their daddy have their

way with them. suggested them to lay there and act like a doll or something along those

lines. there was also another part where basically said no matter how you're feeling that

particular day, you should always look good for your daddy. that it was basically uncool

to sit around in sweats all day or not do their hair, etc. 

 

i shouldn't assume but i'm almost positive there was more shit like that on that website/

article. i sort of scrunched my nose and was done with the site. i can't imagine a new

little/daddy getting ahold of that bullshit. i get that ddlg is all different for people but

even in a vanilla relationship that shit isn't cool. 

 

not too sure how i feel about someone like that preaching things to new and old members

of the cg/l community, not like i can actually DO anything about it. i just felt like sharing. 

Edited April 21, 2017 by Candy Minx ♡

[Guest mlkykit]

 

i used to read a few things from a particularly popular ddlg blog run by a daddy and his

little. they had nice articles and cute stuff to look at. except one day while i was skimming

a random article, i saw something about how littles should always please their daddies.

that didn't bother me, what bothered me. what did was the fact i saw a part dedicated to

'when you don't feel like having sex with daddy' or something along those lines in which

the little encouraged other littles to just lay there and allow their daddy to use them how

he wanted. that, even if the little didnt' feel like it/well, they should let their daddy have their

way with them. suggested them to lay there and act like a doll or something along those

lines. there was also another part where basically said no matter how you're feeling that

particular day, you should always look good for your daddy. that it was basically uncool

to sit around in sweats all day or not do their hair, etc. 

 

i shouldn't assume but i'm almost positive there was more shit like that on that website/

article. i sort of scrunched my nose and was done with the site. i can't imagine a new

little/daddy getting ahold of that bullshit. i get that ddlg is all different for people but

even in a vanilla relationship that shit isn't cool. 

 

not too sure how i feel about someone like that preaching things to new and old members

of the cg/l community, not like i can actually DO anything about it. i just felt like sharing. 

 

 

Sounds like some Tumblr bull. You know the ones with the lil' pictures of archetypes of what a Little or Daddy is, and stupid "quotes"? That's disgusting, my skin crawled reading this. And I swear, that's the kind of drivel that's constantly pushed. 

[Guest Candy Minx ♡]

Sounds like some Tumblr bull. You know the ones with the lil' pictures of archetypes of what a Little or Daddy is, and stupid "quotes"? That's disgusting, my skin crawled reading this. And I swear, that's the kind of drivel that's constantly pushed. 

 

i wish it would've been a tumblr blog that was doing it, people are starting to learn

bit by bit not to listen to it. very small bit but better than non. it was an actual 

website. it also mentioned something about doing your nails, getting waxed,

gym membership, and he'd give her the budget for it. now, that in itself isn't

bad to do - i'm sure lots of healthy ships do - it was the fact it was on the list of

getting started kind of rule types.it's both irritating and a little scary there are 

people out there like that. don't push that kind of shit. ok i am v done now lol.

Edited April 21, 2017 by Candy Minx ♡

[Guest Daddy's☆treasure]

 

i used to read a few things from a particularly popular ddlg blog run by a daddy and his

little. they had nice articles and cute stuff to look at. except one day while i was skimming

a random article, i saw something about how littles should always please their daddies.

that didn't bother me, what bothered me. what did was the fact i saw a part dedicated to

'when you don't feel like having sex with daddy' or something along those lines in which

the little encouraged other littles to just lay there and allow their daddy to use them how

he wanted. that, even if the little didnt' feel like it/well, they should let their daddy have their

way with them. suggested them to lay there and act like a doll or something along those

lines. there was also another part where basically said no matter how you're feeling that

particular day, you should always look good for your daddy. that it was basically uncool

to sit around in sweats all day or not do their hair, etc. 

 

i shouldn't assume but i'm almost positive there was more shit like that on that website/

article. i sort of scrunched my nose and was done with the site. i can't imagine a new

little/daddy getting ahold of that bullshit. i get that ddlg is all different for people but

even in a vanilla relationship that shit isn't cool. 

 

not too sure how i feel about someone like that preaching things to new and old members

of the cg/l community, not like i can actually DO anything about it. i just felt like sharing. 

Gosh that's horrible and so wrong! It's examples like this that are part of the reason I want to write my book.