Looking for advice...

[Guest LittleMissJJ]

Hi guys!   I apologise straight away for what I know will be a long post...

 

I'm brand new to the DD/lg dynamic - I didn't even know it was a thing before because I was embarrassed to admit it was something I would like. I've always watched daddy/daughter porn and read online stories about daddies. I've also always known I was submissive and have explored D/s dynamic in the past, I just also need to feel cared for and protected. I've always liked to draw and paint and colour, I've always had fluffy animals and worn clothes with my favourite cartoon prints or cute jewellery in all of the colours I can find! I watch kids TV to take naps and love Disney/Harry Potter/Care bears/my little pony... 

 

Anyway, I broke up with my fiance last year and have been a bit lost since then. It was a vanilla relationship and when he saw my internet history he really freaked out so we never really talked about it again and I always felt that my what I wanted was wrong or something to be ashamed of.

 

Now that I'm single and starting to move on a little bit I've been going on dating apps like Tinder and Bumble trying to meet someone nice just to date and have fun with. That's where I met my first daddy. Except, he's not really my daddy, we just talk a lot and he's the one that introduced me to DDlg. He's really into it and his ex was not - he's also into ABDL and has introduced me a little bit to that. 

 

My worry is that I've gone about this all wrong - I'm so curious about the DDlg community now, it feels like I've suddenly found something that I completely click with. It's really exciting and I want to explore everything about it! The only problem is that I'm not sure that the one I'm talking to is looking to be my daddy or if he just wants to keep talking and being playful without really helping me to find my own little. The second problem is that, if we do meet, despite me being really interested and curious, I'm worried that I'm so new to everything that I won't be little enough and it might ruin things and make me embarrassed to be little around him. 

 

How do you all get into little space? Is it something that always came naturally, or something that took practice? My grown up life means I always have to be super responsible and I get anxious and over-analyse things in my daily life. How do you get out of your own head and stop worrying about being silly or annoying or needy? The only time I feel fully little is when I'm cuddled up with Lotso bear and watching a movie or listening to music and colouring, but that's something I did just for me and didn't ever call it being little at the time.

 

I would really appreciate any advice anyone can give me. I feel like DD/lg is a 'fit' that I've never felt before, I just want to be able to put my big life to one side and embrace it, and I worry that's a difficult thing for me to do.

Edited April 16, 2017 by LittleMissJJ

[Himedere-Chan]

Like SO many other who asked the exact same questions as you. Littles/middles can be straight up childlike adults or a number of other things like a 2 year old or a 10 year old, they can be baby animals, they can be both a caregiver and a little aka switch. There is no wrong way about going into a kink unless you did the exact opposite of it which would be very difficult.

Maybe he wants you, maybe he just wants sex, it is a kink after all and a lot, but not all members of the community are in it for the sex so he could just be playful cause he wants to have sexual intercourse. Why don't you ask him if you are so curious what his intentions are.

Little space is just a word really, some are littles 24/7, some hid their little side from friends and family some only act little cause it's a turn on. Being little should come naturally, so asking how to be a little is like a gamer asking another gamer how to play games.

Here's some real advise, google search. The forum you are on has a search bar too, you can search for previous posts that have been answered and have asked the same questions you asked.

Good luck with whatever it is you are looking for.

[Guest Candy Minx ♡]

Just want to make sure you know incest has nothing to do with cgl.

[Guest LittleMissJJ]

Sorry guys, feel like there's a lot of aggro coming my way. I of course know it's not about incest. I've been googling and been reading posts every day for the last couple of months. I'm on fetlife and have been interacting on there as well as reading up on lots of different websites, watching littles on youtube talking about their views and lifestyles and talking to my potential new daddy about things. It just seems to me that a lot of people suggest finding your inner little first and then finding a daddy, I just wondered if that was something that I should be doing as I don't yet know how to get out of my own head and enjoy myself as a little when I'm not talking to him.

 

Honestly, I'm almost sorry I asked. I'd like to think as a gamer I'd be open to helping another new gamer, but I get the analogy and your point...

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Sorry guys, feel like there's a lot of aggro coming my way. I of course know it's not about incest. I've been googling and been reading posts every day for the last couple of months. I'm on fetlife and have been interacting on there as well as reading up on lots of different websites, watching littles on youtube talking about their views and lifestyles and talking to my potential new daddy about things. It just seems to me that a lot of people suggest finding your inner little first and then finding a daddy, I just wondered if that was something that I should be doing as I don't yet know how to get out of my own head and enjoy myself as a little when I'm not talking to him.

 

Honestly, I'm almost sorry I asked. I'd like to think as a gamer I'd be open to helping another new gamer, but I get the analogy and your point...

I don't think anyone here is attacking you, and if you look around a bit on the forum you will see your questions have been asked before and answered much the same way.

 

For me, I'm a bit of an unusual little. I am first and foremost submissive to my husband, he is my Dominate. This is true in all things. Secondly comes my little side, which is quiet unique. I just am little. I don't go into a space, I'm in a little mindset most of the time. Like you, I have to be big, too. I work in a management role and I have two young children. Being big isn't optional.

 

Being little is my escape. Lately, it's vanished from me. I struggle greatly with anxiety, and having recently had some stressful events, it's just now returning.

 

Being little isn't one set thing. For example, I don't age play/regress, many littles do. Many littles are also pets, I am not. Then there's middles, your "tweens and teens", which I more closely identify with. You have nonsexual littles, but I am very sexual.

 

What do YOU want out of being a little? I would start there. What are your soft and hard limits? What can you not live without? This may be helpful in the beginning.

[Guest bad_apple]

I am sorry if you felt attacked but I think this question has been posted so much... of course everyone's situation is unique, but overall the answers are the same.

There is no rule of thumb on how to act or what to like. Every little is different, so is every daddy.

 

Yes, there are things most littles like, like colouring or stuffies but there are many who like pacies and many who don't. Some like diapers, some don't. There are littles who have a sexual side and then there are littles who do not. And nothing about that is right or wrong in general. It might just be right or wrong for you individually as you may feel more comfortable with one thing and less with another.

 

There is no set age. You don't have to be f.e. 3 to be a little. You don't even have to stay in one age group, sometimes it's more fluent. I recently was told I have moments when I act like a 16 year old even and I have to agree. It's just something that happens. Defining an exact age is not necessarily necessary, so don't try to worry too much about it.

 

As Daddy's Babygirl has said: Start with yourself. Look at what you want. Try out some things, like pacies or sippy cups and see if it's for you or not. Try out different activities, like colouring or playing with a stuffie... There's a lot of self discovery involved. At least for me as I'm still figuring some things out.

 

As for doing it wrong... I think the only way to it wrong is when you yourself don't feel comfortable or forced. As long as you enjoy yourself and are comfortable and happy and, well YOU, then it's not wrong. 

 

Also, one last thing and then I think I'm done with my babbling: communicate. Communication is key. Talk to the guy you're seeing. Let him know about your worries. Ask him what he wants from a relationship so you know if you are looking for the same. As I said earlier, daddies can be as different as littles and sometimes there are bed-daddys (which is what I call daddies who just want to be called Daddy during sex). Nothing wrong with that but if you are looking for something deeper... it might not be the right fit for you.

 

Just read around the forum and the internet. Talk to people here or other communities (I am not good in talking on making friends, so I know that can be hard sometimes). Just don't feel like you have to be a certain way to be little. There are as many different ways as there are littles.

 

I hope at least some of it made sense... I haven't had coffee yet 

[Himedere-Chan]

Sorry guys, feel like there's a lot of aggro coming my way. I of course know it's not about incest. I've been googling and been reading posts every day for the last couple of months. I'm on fetlife and have been interacting on there as well as reading up on lots of different websites, watching littles on youtube talking about their views and lifestyles and talking to my potential new daddy about things. It just seems to me that a lot of people suggest finding your inner little first and then finding a daddy, I just wondered if that was something that I should be doing as I don't yet know how to get out of my own head and enjoy myself as a little when I'm not talking to him.

 

Honestly, I'm almost sorry I asked. I'd like to think as a gamer I'd be open to helping another new gamer, but I get the analogy and your point...

There's nothing to be sorry about. I was giving the advice I figured I could give. I was misunderstood or so it seems. I only meant the best and since I don't pile sugar on my words or put emotes after every sentence I'm usually misinterpreted as "aggressive". Candy Minx meant no harm either, again, we were giving advice and didn't know the extent of your knowledge of the kink since you were asking questions someone usually new would ask.

 

Hope you got the answers you were looking for.

Edited April 17, 2017 by Himedere-Chan

[Guest blumonkey]

an experienced cg should know he/she will be bringing in new littles to the fold. most - but not all - should be accepting of this. of the 'but not all' would be those who have been thru the process too many times and just need to break from that and find someone more experienced. an inexperienced cg should not start off with someone inexperienced... blind leading the blind.

 

role play is role play. a peek into the taboo without doing the real thing. 

 

as far as what was previously mentioned, his intentions, well if you met off tinder you should assume sex WOULD be involved. To thing otherwise and put him in a negative light would be wrong.

[Johnny Hammersticks]

Just want to make sure you know incest has nothing to do with cgl.

Im really curious why you felt the need to point out the fact that DDLG isnt about incest to the OP. I re-read her post and i dont see where she mentioned the need to have sex with an actual family member. Do you feel that she was seeking out porn of a father having sex with his actual daughter? Because i took it as maybe she search pornhub for "daddy daughter" porn, which is just porn of some 40 yo having sex with an 18-21yo. Which is probably what sparked her interest in DDLG.

 

Introducing incest into the thread just seemed to introduce a really derogatory and negative connotation to the thread.

[Guest Candy Minx ♡]

Im really curious why you felt the need to point out the fact that DDLG isnt about incest to the OP. I re-read her post and i dont see where she mentioned the need to have sex with an actual family member. Do you feel that she was seeking out porn of a father having sex with his actual daughter? Because i took it as maybe she search pornhub for "daddy daughter" porn, which is just porn of some 40 yo having sex with an 18-21yo. Which is probably what sparked her interest in DDLG.

 

Introducing incest into the thread just seemed to introduce a really derogatory and negative connotation to the thread.

She said she watched daddy daughter porn. Daughter and father. That's incest. That's when it was introduced to the thread via OP. The idea of it was incest. We're stuck hard enough with the incest stigma. Better safe than sorry. I don't see any issue with me saying what I did. Just a few days ago there was a deleted thread asking about incest and ddlg. I generally don't see an issue with being too careful.

 

Feel free to take what she said as you like, no real point in assuming. Again. I was just playing the safe side.

[Johnny Hammersticks]

She said she watched daddy daughter porn. Daughter and father. That's incest. That's when it was introduced to the thread via OP. The idea of it was incest. We're stuck hard enough with the incest stigma. Better safe than sorry. I don't see any issue with me saying what I did. Just a few days ago there was a deleted thread asking about incest and ddlg. I generally don't see an issue with being too careful.

 

Feel free to take what she said as you like, no real point in assuming. Again. I was just playing the safe side.

So her using the word "daughter" was what did it, i wouldnt use that terminology, personally, but it didnt conjure images of incest to me either. But i suppose i could see where that would be the line, for some.

 

Thnx.

[Guest blumonkey]

what she watches is not incest but age play. unless you are on the darkweb, 99.9% of what is on the web is age play, not incest. on the dark web, that number drops to 99% age play

[Little G]

Sorry guys, feel like there's a lot of aggro coming my way. I of course know it's not about incest. I've been googling and been reading posts every day for the last couple of months. I'm on fetlife and have been interacting on there as well as reading up on lots of different websites, watching littles on youtube talking about their views and lifestyles and talking to my potential new daddy about things. It just seems to me that a lot of people suggest finding your inner little first and then finding a daddy, I just wondered if that was something that I should be doing as I don't yet know how to get out of my own head and enjoy myself as a little when I'm not talking to him.

 

Honestly, I'm almost sorry I asked. I'd like to think as a gamer I'd be open to helping another new gamer, but I get the analogy and your point...

In my case, when I discovered DDlg and CGL, I was in a relationship and I already called him Daddy. There is no "right way" to go about discovering this. If you have a daddy and he helps you learn and discover being a little, that's awesome. If you're discovering it on your own and searching stuff online, that's awesome too. There's no "right way" or "wrong way".

 

This is just you, discovering things about yourself that you didn't know before.

 

I think the best way to know for sure what he(the potential daddy you are talking to) wants, is to ask. You could phrase the question in a way that isn't as if you're asking him to be your daddy if you don't want that.

 

As to being little, and if you have a little space, again, there's no "this is right", "this is wrong". It's all up to you. If you identify as a little, like little things but don't go into a specific age little space, it doesn't mean you're not a little. Something vital to know is that not all littles regress and it is okay if you don't. Little space is more prominent in littles who regress. If you don't have a little space, that's alright, because not all littles regress.

 

You don't need to worry that you won't be "little enough", because you are little because you feel you have traits that fit this. I've met littles who regress to around 1 year old and I've met littles who don't regress at all, but they are all still littles, still valid, and don't need to conform to anyone's idea of "little enough". You need to do what's right for you, and think about the rest later.

 

To be honest, I still worry a tiny bit that I'm too needy or annoying, after two years of being with my Daddy. It may go away or it may stay, or lessen... but Daddy always reminds me that I am never needy, for if I need something, he will try his best to be there for me and support me and give me what I need and that I could never be annoying, only adorable, because he loves me and has patience to deal with my... craziness.

 

Being embarrassed to be little around people goes away as you get comfortable with them. It took me a month to be comfortable being fully little around Daddy.

 

Just always remember, that no matter what, if you identify as a little, feel you are a little, you are little, because that is what makes you happy and helps you live a better life for you.

Edited April 23, 2017 by LittleG