Being a Little Around Family

[DeathMetalPrincess]

I'm a bit embarrassed to post this topic, but I live with my parents and they aren't accepting of the ddlg lifestyle. Really, none of my immediate family seems to be. They didn't really know why I wore a collar (it was for my caregiver at the time). I've had to buy my pacis kind of by myself, too, which is scary, but I can't buy anything else -- not by myself. I can't buy other baby stuff, either. Anyway, I'm in college right now, and I'm having trouble finding a job so I can't move out at the moment. What advice could the lot of you give for being a little around family? What can I do to express myself as a little, and still feel comfortable with it, but not really let anyone know?

[Guest ScreamingSalad]

well i still live at home and really just use your paci when no ones around. if someone pops up i  "wipe my face" and  "adjust my boobs" as i take my paci out and usually put it in my bra. i also use pig tails and bows. also i have stuffies for usually in my room but i enjoy taking them upstairs on occasion. if your family asks say because you want to! my family always says, "are you 18 or 8?" and i shrug it off:P

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

Online shopping is good for getting stuff without going out with somebody to buy stuff. 

 

And I suggest just not bothering being Little around them. Not everyone has to like it. And it seems like they don't.

So if I was still living with my parents etc. I'd just be considerate of them and keep it in the bedroom. Unless they're not home. 

Like, I don't call my Daddy "Daddy" around people. Or take my pacifier out places. 

 

I understand the frustration of not being able to move out and have your own space, I have a friend in a similar situation.

But til then you've gotta just accept that it's their house and their space too. So if they're uncomfortable with it, it won't kill you to keep it low key.

 

Try to make your bedroom more cozy and Little Space friendly? 

 

Edit: Miss Salad's paci hiding technique is great too btw. 

Edited April 15, 2017 by MilkPop

[Princess-P]

As stated above, its best to keep your lifestyle to your self. If you live at home then respect your parents home. Keep your little activity confined to your bedroom. Never shove your kink/alternative lifestyle in the faces of people who are uncomfortable with it.

 

As for things you can do: wear cute socks or underwear, dress in things that are appropriate but little friendly, wear bows in your hair, paint your nails cute, or really anything that is subtle.

 

As for not being able to buy thing because you have no money... Well that sucks but oh well. Just keep looking for a job. Lots of people go to school and work. Bartending is great. Flexible hours and great money.

[Guest x77]

I wouldn't personally wear a collar in front of my family, it's unnecessary conflict and judgment that can be avoided and I want my family to respect me, they might see a collar as demeaning. Put yourself in their shoes, would you like to see your family members in that light and have things like that cross your mind? And it doesn't make you any less you just being conservative

[Antoinette]

I wouldn't personally wear a collar in front of my family, it's unnecessary conflict and judgment that can be avoided and I want my family to respect me, they might see a collar as demeaning. Put yourself in their shoes, would you like to see your family members in that light and have things like that cross your mind? And it doesn't make you any less you just being conservative

 

Collaring is a very serious thing in most BDSM dynamics though, taking off a collar can be extremely hurtful and upsetting (for both partners). I think rather than taking it off it'd be easier for her to explain it as more of a fashion choice rather than a BDSM-type thing, chokers/collars are becoming more and more popular anyway. 

[DeathMetalPrincess]

Well I've had to hide a lot of my pacis, but my stuffies are just kinda there. I'm a very private person so usually they stay our of my room, but I'm scared for them to find the pacis. I don't try to blatantly show off the lifestyle I'm a part of. It's a really kind of hidden thing for me because I'm scared for them to find out. My family is somewhat conservative, and I already kinda know how they feel about ddlg, which isn't good. I'm trying to just make it as best as I can. I'm hoping to get a job soon so I can eventually move out and live more like the little I am. Thank you for your thoughts on the hehe matter, though.

[Abstraction]

Something you'll have to answer for yourself real soon is how much do you want your parents in your life when you're on your own. If you don't get along with them and their values, do everything you can to make money and get out. If you are close to them and want to remain so, you have to start acclimating them to your life. Not everything. Nobody shares everything with their parents. But maybe they have to start getting used to you having a different "fashion sense." Other than that, you live under their roof and follow their rules. Rules are very important, don't start making a habit of breaking rules and hiding it or you'll have trouble with your Daddy later on.

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

Collaring is a very serious thing in most BDSM dynamics though, taking off a collar can be extremely hurtful and upsetting (for both partners). I think rather than taking it off it'd be easier for her to explain it as more of a fashion choice rather than a BDSM-type thing, chokers/collars are becoming more and more popular anyway. 

 

It's no bigger deal to take it off than it is to take your wedding rings off for work. There're different reasons for both, but the result is the same. 

And if it's THAT big of a deal to keep it on, then you care enough about having a collar on that it shouldn't matter if it bothers people around you. 

It's a choice. Nobody's making you do it.  

 

 

 

Well I've had to hide a lot of my pacis, but my stuffies are just kinda there. I'm a very private person so usually they stay our of my room, but I'm scared for them to find the pacis. I don't try to blatantly show off the lifestyle I'm a part of. It's a really kind of hidden thing for me because I'm scared for them to find out. My family is somewhat conservative, and I already kinda know how they feel about ddlg, which isn't good. I'm trying to just make it as best as I can. I'm hoping to get a job soon so I can eventually move out and live more like the little I am. Thank you for your thoughts on the hehe matter, though.

 

I don't think anyone was implying you smush it in their faces ^^ lol

It's kinda weird to me, to wanna share that side of yourself with family. Considering it's bdsm/fetish based.

But maybe you just mean ideally you'd rather not be afraid of them finding pacifiers and stuff, and would prefer them to be a lil more open minded. 

 

Anyways. From your prof pic, I can see you already like to dress alternative.

So if your family's conservative, they're probably already irked by your current style? Just guessing. 

Adding collars and pacifiers and stuff probably doesn't help. 

That is to say, if you really do care about how they perceive you, and want to keep the peace, then just let it go til you can move out and be freeeeee.

 

Good luck with everything. Living outta home is THE best ever.   So I hope you achieve that goal by the end of the year. 

[Antoinette]

It's no bigger deal to take it off than it is to take your wedding rings off for work. There're different reasons for both, but the result is the same. 

And if it's THAT big of a deal to keep it on, then you care enough about having a collar on that it shouldn't matter if it bothers people around you. 

It's a choice. Nobody's making you do it.

 

Maybe I shouldn't have been so objective - for most people who were properly collared with a ceremony of types it can be quite a big deal. Maybe for you it isn't, cool - awesome in fact! But I know for a lot of people it is a big deal. The matter is subjective and by the sounds of the OP, I'd imagine it is a big deal for them or else they would have just taken the collar off around them in the first place. 

 

You can care deeply about two things at once. I think it's completely reasonable and normal for you to want to keep your collar on but also be deeply bothered by how your family then perceive you because of it - it's her family. 

 

Yes. It is a choice, nobody said it wasn't and no you're not being made to do it. I never said that either. I was merely stating that yes in a lot of BDSM dynamics collaring is significant and people can be hurt by the act of taking off a collar. 

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

Maybe I shouldn't have been so objective - for most people who were properly collared with a ceremony of types it can be quite a big deal. Maybe for you it isn't, cool - awesome in fact! But I know for a lot of people it is a big deal. The matter is subjective and by the sounds of the OP, I'd imagine it is a big deal for them or else they would have just taken the collar off around them in the first place. 

 

You can care deeply about two things at once. I think it's completely reasonable and normal for you to want to keep your collar on but also be deeply bothered by how your family then perceive you because of it - it's her family. 

 

Yes. It is a choice, nobody said it wasn't and no you're not being made to do it. I never said that either. I was merely stating that yes in a lot of BDSM dynamics collaring is significant and people can be hurt by the act of taking off a collar. 

 

I know. 

[Guest x77]

Collaring is a very serious thing in most BDSM dynamics though, taking off a collar can be extremely hurtful and upsetting (for both partners). I think rather than taking it off it'd be easier for her to explain it as more of a fashion choice rather than a BDSM-type thing, chokers/collars are becoming more and more popular anyway. 

 

Collars and tags are a huge part of my dynamic as well but nobody should be extremely hurt or upset by their partner's decision to not wear their collar around certain people or the fact that their family doesn't care to see their son/ daughter collared. That would be unfair and unreasonable in my opinion. It's okay if you don't care what people think but you will also have to accept that you may be treated differently.

 

But chokers are meant to be worn by people and they are more of a normal and publicly accepted fashion statement. They are a good public alternative.

[DeathMetalPrincess]

Whenever I couldn't wear my collar, I always told my mommy and she was ok with it. She understood and we both knew I still belonged to her. Well, not anymore, but I digress. I usually wore my collar as often as I could.

[Antoinette]

Collars and tags are a huge part of my dynamic as well but nobody should be extremely hurt or upset by their partner's decision to not wear their collar around certain people or the fact that their family doesn't care to see their son/ daughter collared. That would be unfair and unreasonable in my opinion. It's okay if you don't care what people think but you will also have to accept that you may be treated differently.

 

But chokers are meant to be worn by people and they are more of a normal and publicly accepted fashion statement. They are a good public alternative.

 

I don't think it's really your place to say 'nobody should feel 'x' way.' I think that in of itself is unfair and unreasonable. It clearly seems like DeathMetalPrincess doesn't want to remove her collar or else she'd have done it to begin with in order to avoid conflict. 

[Guest x77]

I don't think it's really your place to say 'nobody should feel 'x' way.' I think that in of itself is unfair and unreasonable. It clearly seems like DeathMetalPrincess doesn't want to remove her collar or else she'd have done it to begin with in order to avoid conflict. 

 

I don't think I'm being unfair or unreasonable by thinking there shouldn't be drama over whether your partner needs to take a collar off every once in a while because that's all it really is - a collar. It symbolizes something but it's still just an object and an object should never be so important that it becomes a source of extreme distress. I'm not disrespecting anyone, I'm just saying there's no point in crying over a collar that's my opinion.

(Not directed at you DeathMetalPrincess)

Edited April 17, 2017 by Puppet

[Antoinette]

I don't think I'm being unfair or unreasonable by thinking there shouldn't be drama over whether your partner needs to take a collar off every once in a while because that's all it really is - a collar. It symbolizes something but it's still just an object and an object should never be so important that it becomes a source of extreme distress. I'm not disrespecting anyone, I'm just saying there's no point in crying over a collar that's my opinion.

(Not directed at you DeathMetalPrincess)

Your opinion isn't everyone's opinion. This is subjective and disregarding other peoples emotions just because YOU wouldn't feel that way is a bit ignorant.

[Guest x77]

Your opinion isn't everyone's opinion. This is subjective and disregarding other peoples emotions just because YOU wouldn't feel that way is a bit ignorant.

 

I believe that a material thing shouldn't come between two people or their families, no matter how symbolic it is. I wasn't trying to pressure anyone into doing things my way. Nobody should feel extreme emotional pain over a collar - I'm not saying they CAN'T but they shouldn't. The whole point is to enjoy it, not to make it an obstacle for your partner. If you both can't go a couple hours without the collar to the point of it being detrimental to the relationship that's unhealthy in my opinion.

I am very accepting of people who want to wear collars publicly but people have to be aware that they may be harassed or have pictures taken, get stares or rude remarks ect..

Edited April 18, 2017 by Puppet

[Antoinette]

I believe that an object shouldn't come between two people or their families, no matter how symbolic it is. I wasn't trying to pressure anyone into doing things my way. Nobody should feel extreme emotional pain over a collar - I'm not saying they CAN'T but they shouldn't. The whole point is to enjoy it, not to make it an obstacle for your partner. If you both can't go a couple hours without the collar to the point of it being detrimental to the relationship that's unhealthy in my opinion.

I am very accepting of people who want to wear collars publicly but people have to be aware that they may be harassed or have pictures taken, get stares or rude remarks ect..

 

I don't see why you're so set on policing what other people should and shouldn't feel. If your collar isn't a big deal, good for you - if it is for others, who cares? I'm collared and my partner and I both DO feel upset when I'm not wearing my collar for whatever reason that doesn't mean we have an unhealthy relationship. 

 

All I was suggesting to the girl is that she state the collar is merely a fashion statement yet you're making a meal out of an innocuous comment I made about subjective emotions. You're literally attacking a point that is so innocent and inoffensive, I really don't see the point. But hey that's just my opinion.

[Guest x77]

I don't see why you're so set on policing what other people should and shouldn't feel. If your collar isn't a big deal, good for you - if it is for others, who cares? I'm collared and my partner and I both DO feel upset when I'm not wearing my collar for whatever reason that doesn't mean we have an unhealthy relationship. 

 

All I was suggesting to the girl is that she state the collar is merely a fashion statement yet you're making a meal out of an innocuous comment I made about subjective emotions. You're literally attacking a point that is so innocent and inoffensive, I really don't see the point. But hey that's just my opinion.

 

I'm really, really not trying to be rude whatsoever. I'm not policing anything. Or being aggressive. I'm not "attacking" anything.

[Antoinette]

I'm really, really not trying to be rude whatsoever. I'm not policing anything. Or being aggressive. I'm not "attacking" anything.

Okay then let's just end this here? There's really no need to keep this going.