Jealousy, how to deal and whats too jealous

[yungK1LL]

Hello All:

 

I considered asking this in the thread about advice for new daddys however decided to create a new thread for it instead.

 

I am a bit of a jealous lover and most of that has faded as my partner and I transitioned our relationship into DDlg. We actually were already living and having a DDlg relationship without realizing what it was and before learning of the lifestyle. Once the transition occurred my jealousy dropped and my trust went up a lot more but I find myself getting super jealous ever so often and have to get out of my head. 

 

My questions are:

1. How do y'all deal with jealousy?
2. What is too jealous?

[Psychée]

Most of the time jalousie is not about your partner but about your self-confidence. If you are worried when he is with other women or men this is because you think that he could choose to leave you for her. But you have to convince yourself that for now he is with you and this is him who choose that he is happy with you and he loves you.

You have to work on yourself and understand that you are an enough good person for him and that you deserve to be with him.

 

If you have done this work and that your steal jalous this is maybe because he doesn't respect the limits that you have choose together for your couple. What are your limits ? Does he respect them ? If he doesnt this is not a problem of jalousie from your part this is a problem of trust and respect from him.

 

You should speak with him about all of that and explain to him that it really hurt you and you want to work on that for the good of your relationship.

 

(sorry if my english is bad this is not my mother language)

Edited April 10, 2017 by Psychée

[yungK1LL]

Most of the time jalousie is not about your partner but about your self-confidence. If you are worried when he is with other women or men this is because you think that he could choose to leave you for her. But you have to convince yourself that for now he is with you and this is him who choose that he is happy with you and he loves you.

You have to work on yourself and understand that you are an enough good person for him and that you deserve to be with him.

 

If you have done this work and that your steal jalous this is maybe because he doesn't respect the limits that you have choose together for your couple. What are your limits ? Does he respect them ? If he doesnt this is not a problem of jalousie from your part this is a problem of trust and respect from him.

 

You should speak with him about all of that and explain to him that it really hurt you and you want to work on that for the good of your relationship.

 

(sorry if my english is bad this is not my mother language)

 

Thank you for your reply and input. Yah, I am definitely understanding it's my own insecurities and I let her know it's nothing she's doing and I do trust her but I just went through a lot in the past and don't think much of myself. That my own brain won't let me just be secure but I was kinda wondering if anyone else faces this issue.

[Psychée]

(sorry i'v don't have understand that it was a mommy

 

You can be sure that you are not the only one who face this issue ! this is really normal. we all have insecurities and i really hope that one day you will love yourself enough for accept that an other people love you and really want you and nobody else.

 

 

this is two video about self esteem i think this channel help for everiday life !

[PrincessVirgo]

I understand the thought behind it being due to your insecurities. It makes sense... But knowing this may not be the solution you seek. I know if my Daddy had the same issues, I'd do everything in my power to help him feel secure. Maybe your babygirl feels the same. There's a DDlg couple that has written an article addressing this very issue. I don't know the guidelines on this site regarding site sharing, so I won't. It shouldn't be difficult to find,tho. Good luck.

[yungK1LL]

I understand the thought behind it being due to your insecurities. It makes sense... But knowing this may not be the solution you seek. I know if my Daddy had the same issues, I'd do everything in my power to help him feel secure. Maybe your babygirl feels the same. There's a DDlg couple that has written an article addressing this very issue. I don't know the guidelines on this site regarding site sharing, so I won't. It shouldn't be difficult to find,tho. Good luck.

 

Thank you! I will search for this article and definitely give it a read. 

 

Thank you all so much for the support and replies.

[Guest QueenJellybean]

As someone who is polyamorous, I deal with jealousy a lot. One of my best pieces of advice regarding the ugly, green monster is to stop thinking of it as a bad thing, and reflect more on where your jealousy stems from. Like someone hinted at earlier, a lot of jealousy springs from your own insecurities with yourself. The next time that you feel jealousy, do yourself a favor and instead of pushing away that emotion as an indication of something negative, sit down and get to know it. I call it "having tea with my jealousy." I ask it's name. I ask why it's here. Sometimes, it can't tell me, but often times, not knowing exactly why I'm jealous ends up giving me more information than if I had a concrete reason to be jealous.

 

Next step? Communicate with your partner. I always, always advocate communication, especially when you don't want to. Tell them how you're feeling, even if it's irrational. You can even say "Hey, I have no idea where this came from, and I feel like it's super irrational and unfounded of me to feel this way, but here's how I'm feeling right now ______." Be honest with your feelings, and give them the validity they deserve, even if they are those pesky, nagging thoughts that have no real purchase to cling to. 

 

Good luck! Opening up can be hard, but it's almost always worth it.