Why doesn't my little trust me even though I've never given her reason not to trust me?

[Big_daddy_ed]

My babygirl and I have been together for a while now but she still doesn't trust me. She's always putting herself down and talking bad about herself. And I tell her she is perfect in every way and that I love her and no one else but her and that I will always be there for her to help her grow and that I will always protect her. And after I told her that she tells me that she doesn't deserve to have me as her daddy dom. If anyone out there could give me some tips or advice from their experiance on how to handle this I would really appreciate it... Thank you

[DaddyMs]

There could be numerous reasons for this; firstly, is this her first dd/lg relationship? If so, it could be that she's insecure about it and wants to be sure she's pleasing u as much as you're pleasing her.  Also, how many past relationships has she had? Have they had any kind of emotional abuse, even unknowingly to her?  Is she self confident in life in general?  All of these things can play a role in her feeling that she's unworthy or that you might leave her. 

[Nymph]

She has self esteem issues, you can't fix that if she doesn't make an effort on her side (to actually listen to you for example)... that being said, you CAN help her get in a better position to deal with it instead of just going deeper into that hole if that makes sense.

 

A lot of people around here will tell you how you are doing well and just be patient and keep at it, this is sometimes true... but if she is anything like me, she needs you to take over, because you praising her only makes her feel worse.

 

How does she feel about discipline? are you the strict type? I thrive with strict rules and punishments. The relationship with Daddy is super loving even with this, I am no masochist. The fact is, I need to be punished for doing wrong so I stop feeling bad about it, I need Daddy's forgiveness to move on and I need his kisses and cuddles and words of encouragement after all is said and done... in that order.

 

Last but not least, I need rules that will help me avoid that situation again.

 

Give me any of those on their own or in different order and it might help me to feel better but it will not resolve the issue :/

 

So if your little is inexperienced help her figure out what she needs, some trial and error might be the easiest way (nothing extreme of course).

[cuppycakes]

It's not that she doesn't trust you, in fact this has nothing to do with you. This is a problem she is facing with her self-esteem, and you shouldn't expect to be able to fix it. She needs a lot of love and care right now. When my anxiety/depression was really bad, I didn't have a daddy to help me through it. Nymph sounds like she knows what she's talking about in that aspect.

 

I also want to add that if you plan on using punishment, saying "if you talk bad about yourself, you get punished" will not help. She's already punishing herself, so added punishment could hurt even more.

 

Look around on the internet on how to help people with anxiety/depression/low self esteem. It's not something that's specific to ddlg, and taking care of it shouldn't be specific to ddlg, either. There are some things within the dynamic that could help, but for the most part I would say it's largely the same to help anyone.

[Guest Stinkin'ol'Fred]

At least you care enough to try and fix it.

[minahbird]

Every so often I come over to this section to look around, and I saw this thread and had to weigh in. I hope you won't mind another little's perspective, but I can definitely sympathise with where yours is coming from. I *hate* myself. Ask anyone who knows me, and they'll tell you I always say 'I love being me, except for being me' and it's true. I love life, but I'd much prefer it if I was walking in someone else's shoes.

 

The fact is, I've been abused, bullied, basically treated like garbage from pretty much every relationship standpoint I've had experience with - boyfriend, girlfriend, family, friends, employers, classmates, enemies, you name it. Eventually, no matter how much you try to make yourself think 'I'm not what they said I am', it's so ingrained into you that the reasoning can't get through. Like Nymph said, it can sometimes take tough love. I'm not saying that's the only solution, not by a long shot. It depends on the person as to whether it will help, hinder or do nothing. Only you can judge that. Personally, that approach helps. I get so lost in the feeling of 'I don't deserve this', 'I'm not good enough', 'Those nice things can't be true because one person said that and hundreds said the opposite' that I can't get out of the cycle. It takes someone standing up and saying 'Get your head out of your butt and listen to me!' or 'Look, if you don't stop, there'll be consequences' for me to realise that actually that person is so sure of what they're saying that they're willing to place stakes on it and it kind of shocks me out of the mindset long enough for it to make that little bit of progress.

 

That being said, one bit of progress I made recently was made simply through kindness, and it came in the most unexpected form. I've never been the type to want anyone to see my body shape. I despised it. I wore baggy pants, baggy shirts, anything to make sure noone saw my figure. Then all of a sudden, someone said I should wear something tight. It was such a surprise that someone had not only not commented on how the baggy stuff 'covered my lumps and bumps' but actually said I should emphasise those lumps and bumps that I ended up getting a pair of leggings. That person encouraged me so much, I got more, and now I wear them much of the time because they're so comfy, and I honestly haven't even thought about whether my stomach's showing or my thighs are too big. Those gentle reassurances can make the world of difference because you're not emphasising something your little is doing wrong (not trusting/ believing you) but rather redirecting her to a place of feeling good about something she can do right. 

 

One thing I will say, from the same mindset as she's likely in: 'perfect' can be a dangerous word. It's almost impossible for us to believe it if we have the remotest self doubt, so it helps to use it in relative terms. Instead of 'you're perfect', try, 'you have a perfect smile' or 'you have a perfect sense of humor'. Help her to feel good about herself bit by bit and the progress will be more likely to stick. 

 

Good luck!! She's lucky to have you for a daddy

[Mr.Hoolig4n D@ddy]

Well let me throw in my opinion as a very inexperienced Daddy with much the same problem with my babygirl.

 

Ive found that a blend of discipline and love can work magic in regards to my little's opinion of herself. Positive reinforcement to start with and minor punishment for continued self deprecation and offcourse constantly telling her what you love about her.

 

And offcourse communication is key. Maybe try to find out exactly what she dislikes about herself and figure out if you can help with it. If its weight or body shape and if it is influencing her health then maybe set up a HEALTHY diet and exercise regime.

 

I myself am on the overweight side so that doesn't bother me in the slightest. But my Princess really wants to lose weight even though I think her body is amazing. So I'm trying to find a ballance between motivating her to achieve what she wants without adding to the problem

 

If her self esteem issues stem more from personality traits and past experiences then all I can recommend is a shitload of love and care and patience.

 

At the end of the day it's going to take effory from both of you for her to become comfortable with herself