Helping Little with Body Image and Eating Issues

[LittlePupRune]

So my little is currently going through some health issues, but something thats come up that I really need some advice on is her issues with eating and body image.

 

She has a history of an eating disorder thats she's actually been about for a few years now, but with her health issues is come back almost full-force. Currently she's been getting a lot of pain when eating, which she's going to the doctors for to try to solve.

 

What I'm worried about though, is that her thought patterns in regards to food and her body after eating have started to change back. I'm not sure how to go about helping her not fall back. I'm definitely going to point out those thoughts when she has them, but I'm not sure if theres anything else I can do. I've thought of punishments when she says something demeaning about her body, but I'm wary of using that in case it makes it worse. 

 

Is there a caregiver (or even a little) out there who has any sort of insight into what I can do to try to help?

[Guest]

I too have a history with eating disorders... for many many years now... it had been laying quietly until recently I've started to slip up into bad habits again... it takes a lot of help and encouragement and strength from a daddy to help with issues like these..: so first off thank you for reaching out in trying to help her! Second, in my experience... this is a thing that punishment is not going to help with... if she talks bad about her body, and u punish her... she's still going to feel those things and think those thoughts abkht her body, but now she's gonna be less likely to tell you next time. And she needs you most when she's being self critical. My daddy has been helping me... I've been slipping into wanting to severely restrict my diet/not eat.. when he knows I'm going thru that he will make me send him pics throughout the day of my meals to be sure I'm eating and off my water bottle to track progress.... but also on the flip side of this, I also sometimes want to binge on very not healthy foods... so now I have to ask him permission to have those foods so I don't over do it.. and usually in order to get those treats, I will have to drink more of my water or eat more of my fruit/veggies first and show him... usually by then I'm not hungry for those cookies anymore....: so no matter which ED she falls into, just try to be supportive... this isn't something that is punishable tho. It will just make her hold her thoughts and feelings to herself, it won't make them go away

[cuppycakes]

(STUsLG gave some good advice, I agree with her.)

 

My immediate thought was to have a rule that she has to tell you what she eats and when. If you can help her keep track of it, and just make sure she's getting enough to eat. (You could probably use a tracker online, but it might be more trouble than it's worth. When I had an eating disorder, I used "myfitnesspal" to count calories.)

 

It's good of you to try and help her. Even if she doesn't think so at this moment, she'll thank you for it down the line for being there for her.

 

The other thing is constant reassurance. I used to think a lot of things about myself that I don't think are true anymore. I hated myself a lot, and I hated my body, too. A big reason I'm more comfortable in my skin today is because of my daddy. He makes a point every night to tell me I'm pretty (while I still don't fully believe him, I'm closer to it than ever before).

 

When we first started dating, I would fix my makeup before he came over (even if it was late at night and we weren't going anywhere). I just couldn't stand to let him see me without it. One day I didn't have any on, and he told me "I think you look beautiful without makeup". Again, it wasn't a sudden change, in fact, I kept putting on makeup for about a year; however, after a long time of him telling me that he didn't care whether I had makeup on or not, I decided I could stop wearing it. I was comfortable enough in myself to not wear it anymore, and now I only put any on for special occasions. 

 

Eating disorders are kind of like that, too. You can't fix her, but you can help her along her path to self-acceptance. Don't let her forget that you love her, and that she's perfect the way she is. She needs a lot of love and care right now, and if you're willing to give it to her, then she will never let go.

[LittlePupRune]

Thanks both cuppycakes and STUsLG. I've been reassuring her that she looks fine, and she doesn't need to work off all the food she ate even though she threw most of it up. I wasn't sure if that was something that helped, but since it does I won't stop. She's mentioned maybe having her report what she's eaten, but now I'll make sure to enforce that. You've given me some good advice and ideas, thanks!

[Guest]

Also... "you look fine" does not mean the same as "you are beautiful"... she may obsess over your words if you choose words like "you look fine"... this is a very delicate situation...

also I forgot to mention in my previous post, encourage her and reward her, praise her when she's doing good! My Daddy will get so excited if I've done well and in turn, it makes me excited and it makes me want to try harder! Even if it's a small step... be excited... "you're doing so good princess!!!!" "Daddy is so proud of you kitten!!!"... it really does help

[cuppycakes]

Another reminder that if it comes to a point where you're seriously concerned for her health, if you don't think you can help her, then you should probably go see a doctor/therapist. There are even group therapy sessions if she's worried about going alone (so she could bring you with her). There's also medication, and, although I know some people aren't comfortable with it, I took it for my depression and it helped immensely. Don't just say "I don't want her to" if it's her life in danger (and visa versa, she can't just say that, either. Her life is more important than a fear of pills).

 

Also, if she has a tumblr or social media, then you could always ask her to give you her passwords. You can unfollow any blogs that are pro-ana or destructive to her thinking. I know that I had a lot of those. They're horrible. You could even make it a rule that she cannot follow any pages like that, or that she cannot go on any pro-eating-disorder websites. I think that would help, especially if she knows you don't like it.

 

(I thought I'd share this, hopefully you can get something out of it.)

One day I was on tumblr, I had followed mostly pro-ana blogs and depression blogs, but also some comedy/everything blogs. I came across this post of a plus-sized woman in a dress. I said to myself "wow, she would be really pretty if she lost some weight". That exact moment was when I realized how backwards my thinking was. I was actually disgusted with myself. If she was beautiful, no matter her size, then I could be, too. Maybe I couldn't be beautiful to me, but I could be beautiful to someone. I realized that what I saw in the mirror was never going to change, no matter how much weight I lost. I saw fat, ugly, and disgusting, and even if I was just skin and bones it wouldn't change. After that I made a conscious decision by myself, and for myself to start eating again. It was slow, but I did it.

 

This is a scary thing to go through alone, I'm glad she has you, and I'm glad you're so willing to help.