Ariana Posted March 24, 2017 Report Posted March 24, 2017 Hi everyone. My daddy's best friend committed suicide a week ago. We were also very good friends and he was the kindest soul. He and daddy are like brothers but he's struggling to come to terms and deal with the loss. He's not ready to talk about things properly and doesn't want to be around anyone except me. Does anyone have any advice on how I can show extra support and care for my daddy? I've stayed with him the whole week to make sure he's eating so I've cooked for him and got him out of the house for some fresh air. I've never been in this sort of situation so I'm not sure what I can do to make him feel better.
BabySwe Posted March 24, 2017 Report Posted March 24, 2017 Deaths and especially suicides can be very hard to deal with. Guilt is extremely common and it's hard to stop questioning if there's something else you could have done. I am very sorry to hear that the two of you experienced this, I know it's very rough. The way I try to comfort myself with it is that the person committing suicide made a choice that they felt was right for them, and now they don't have to suffer anymore. But that might not be a comfort to others, it is just a comfort for me (so i ask people not to bash me for this, since everyone deal with grief in their own ways). What is the most important I think is to just be there for your daddy, so he knows that he is not alone. Talk about it if he wants to, or let him try not to think about it if that's his preferred way to go. Remember that you suffered a loss as well, you're both in pain over it, and at least you have each other. Don't be afraid to talk to people about it if you need support or comfort. But something that is very hard to accept, but very important to understand, is that it's not your nor your daddys fault. These things happen and it is always sad, but suicide is a choice some people take, and it's very tragic, but it's not one person to blame for it. My thoughts are a bit messy, so I hope I managed to somewhat describe what I'm thinking. Just remember that these things take time. Getting over a death can take years, and that's totally fine. We are all humans and others leave impressions in us that will be with us forever. Eventually the good things will be remembered and to me it feels like the person that passed away is still in my heart, and will be there forever.
Guest JoeKarr Posted March 24, 2017 Report Posted March 24, 2017 I think the fact that you're there makes a huge difference. When you're dealing with loss it's super easy to isolate yourself from everything. The fact that your there, helping him do basic things and getting him out is awesome. It sounds like you're a bit out of your comfort zone as well. I have to commend you on that. In such a rough situation not everyone would be able to rise to the occasion. But, in short, your doing the best that you can for your daddy and that's all he needs for right now. To feel that someone is with him and he's not alone in this.
Ariana Posted March 24, 2017 Author Report Posted March 24, 2017 Deaths and especially suicides can be very hard to deal with. Guilt is extremely common and it's hard to stop questioning if there's something else you could have done. I am very sorry to hear that the two of you experienced this, I know it's very rough. The way I try to comfort myself with it is that the person committing suicide made a choice that they felt was right for them, and now they don't have to suffer anymore. But that might not be a comfort to others, it is just a comfort for me (so i ask people not to bash me for this, since everyone deal with grief in their own ways). What is the most important I think is to just be there for your daddy, so he knows that he is not alone. Talk about it if he wants to, or let him try not to think about it if that's his preferred way to go. Remember that you suffered a loss as well, you're both in pain over it, and at least you have each other. Don't be afraid to talk to people about it if you need support or comfort. But something that is very hard to accept, but very important to understand, is that it's not your nor your daddys fault. These things happen and it is always sad, but suicide is a choice some people take, and it's very tragic, but it's not one person to blame for it. My thoughts are a bit messy, so I hope I managed to somewhat describe what I'm thinking. Just remember that these things take time. Getting over a death can take years, and that's totally fine. We are all humans and others leave impressions in us that will be with us forever. Eventually the good things will be remembered and to me it feels like the person that passed away is still in my heart, and will be there forever. I'm sorry that you've also had to experience this. Me and daddy just hope he is finally at peace now and that he's no longer suffering. His body may no longer be with us but he will forever remain alive in our hearts and mind. I think the fact that you're there makes a huge difference. When you're dealing with loss it's super easy to isolate yourself from everything. The fact that your there, helping him do basic things and getting him out is awesome. It sounds like you're a bit out of your comfort zone as well. I have to commend you on that. In such a rough situation not everyone would be able to rise to the occasion. But, in short, your doing the best that you can for your daddy and that's all he needs for right now. To feel that someone is with him and he's not alone in this. Thank you for your kind words, it really means a lot I care about my daddy very much and I seeing him so sad breaks my heart. I want to do my best to show him I am here for him.
Guest Georgia-Daddy2 Posted March 24, 2017 Report Posted March 24, 2017 I am no stranger to death and what follows it and honestly just being there for him is the best you can do for him because as previously stated the guilt and regret occur but in my experience it occurs from one question "what could I have done differently?" It's the hardest thing to deal with it alone so he's really lucky to have someone to help him he may not show it but he really appreciates all the extra work you are doing I think you are doing everything to the best of your ability to help him
Ariana Posted March 24, 2017 Author Report Posted March 24, 2017 I am no stranger to death and what follows it and honestly just being there for him is the best you can do for him because as previously stated the guilt and regret occur but in my experience it occurs from one question "what could I have done differently?" It's the hardest thing to deal with it alone so he's really lucky to have someone to help him he may not show it but he really appreciates all the extra work you are doing I think you are doing everything to the best of your ability to help him Thank you I am trying my best to be his little rock!
Frog Posted March 24, 2017 Report Posted March 24, 2017 (edited) I've had friends and family commit suicide, so I have an idea how he feels. The fact you're concerned for him is already a huge step. He probably can't process how he feels and can't find the words. It's times like this we realize how often words fail to express feelings. The hardest part is going to be having to guess when he says something and would like an answer, and when he doesn't. Like others said, he's going to have emotions all over the spectrum. This coming year is going to be hard, since everything will be the first time without the loved one. Just be there, let him say things that may not make sense, and let him know how you feel about him. He'll realize how much you were there after the shock wears off. Edited March 24, 2017 by Frog
Whispering-oak Posted March 24, 2017 Report Posted March 24, 2017 hello Ariana, no one just gets over a death.. suicide included,, when we loose family or friends it is hard enough, When it is sudden it can be devastating even when we understand the dynamic of what happened.. Suicide is devastating because we often look with in ourselves, (family and friends) and tend to ask those questions ... what did i miss,, was it because we didn't play football last weekend at the park .. why didn't i help him ... (you couldn't help because he did not tell you what is wrong.... when our love ones hurt we want to find the band-aid big enough to cover the wound so it will heal.. when a lg/child see's their daddy hurting they want to climb in their lap and say do not cry daddy it will be OK... in the lg dynamic you understand the hurt where a child will not... so your job is made tougher .... just be there for him ... cuddle in bed and hold him perhaps without talking ... let your actions speak for what is in your heart... holding hands when walking... perhaps a kiss on the cheek with a quiet i love you daddy... watch how he responds to what you do so you know what helps and what may annoy him..and when you get frustrated don't yell at him .... go to your room and stick your face in the pillow and scream and cry... then come back to help him... you can tell him about it later when he begins to talk about it .. eventually things will get back to right.... hope this helps.. WO aka: John
Guest Princessaj Posted March 24, 2017 Report Posted March 24, 2017 Prayers, condolences and hugs. Make certain to do self care and not stretch yourself to ill health. Consider these things all in good time, no rush... If you know them, perhaps gently reach out to his family members, Pastor, close friends to create a community of support. Support for him and support for you too. Maybe, do some research about grief counseling? Sometimes just having information will make you feel more secure in the experience. You will both need support and resources for the long haul....
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