Punishments not working or is ddlg not for me ):

[Brattyprincess123]

Hi everyone (: i hope that after reading this post.. you won't think that im a really naughty little.. or bratty.. but.. i myself do not know why i do these things too.. ):

So.. my daddy have made rules like no snacking and touching without permissions..but i would end up breaking them.. and when daddy punishes me.. i would understand that im wrong at that point.. however, i would end up breaking them again.. Recently, daddy and I have been talking about this and we was thinking of scraping the rules and punishments since i do not follow them.. and i was so scared ): because.. i need rules..and so we added in one more rule.. but im scared I'll break them again..

[alotalittle]

I think you need to take some time to figure out WHY you break the rules since you feel like you also really need them.

 

Do you break them so that you can receive punishment? Are your punishments enjoyable for you? If this is the case, I would ask your partner to do the "punishments" you like as a reward instead. For instance, when my partner was my DD, I had "good spankings" and "bad spankings". I got the good ones regularly and they were the kind of spankings that I enjoyed most. However, when I was "bad", I got punishment spankings instead and those were ones that I didn't particularly care for, but they made me feel balanced and forgiven afterwards. If the punishments that he's giving you are too pleasurable for you, then you need to figure out some new ones.

 

Are you breaking the rules because you don't feel like you're getting enough attention? Despite the fact that my partner is not my DD anymore, I still will occasionally "act out" or purposefully do something "naughty" to get his attention. I do this very rarely since he and I spend so much time together. If this is the case for you, then you two should find some more activities to do together and spend more quality time.

 

Do you feel like some of the rules are unreasonable? Some people can't follow certain rules because the activity that is "banned" is so enticing to them/so ingrained in them/so attached to their inner-self that they simply can't stop doing it. My partner and I never had a "no touching yourself without permission" rule because it would've been impossible for me to follow (though it was fun when we decided to have that rule for a couple hours/days at a time so that it wasn't too much for me). You need to have rules set in place that aren't impossible for you to follow. They can be challenging for you, but they shouldn't be in place to set you up for failure.

 

You and your partner should discuss all of this after you've given yourself some time to think it through. Get to the root of why you're not following the rules and then you can find ways to solve it. And don't beat yourself up too much over this; I think all of us littles have moments of brattiness for reasons that we don't always understand immediately. 

[Princess-P]

While I don't have rules I do understand that some people do. And rules are meant to be in place to improve yourself. They are agreed on by both partners and the punishments are meant to enforce the rules which means you should not enjoy them.

 

If you find you are breaking rules and not caring what the consequence is then what makes you feel you need rules? Ask yourself if they actually benefit you in any way or are you just using them as an excuse to get attention? If your doing it for attention then talk to your partner and find out what your missing in your relationship. Chances are its got nothing to do with rules.

[Guest Candy Minx ♡]

princess and alot covered a handful of things i was already thinking but i'd just

like to mention that you aren't being fair at all to your caregiver by acting out

and breaking rules, even if you don't know the reasoning behind it, find it and 

fix it. a lot of people forget that caregivers are people, too, they get stressed,

depressed, and burnt out. i can't imagine taking care of a little who constantly

broke rules to the point that i had to consider removing them. 

 

i don't really understand how you can say you need rules and punishments

if you're only out to break them. i wouldn't call you bratty because that's not

really bratty behavior, it's more stressful and rude, in my opinion, bratty is 

more along the lines of sticking your tongue out, being playful, handful of 

other things but you're ( judging from what i'm seeing ) just seem more

immature than anything else. not too sure if you just like the punishments,

like breaking rules, or the attention you get from the punishments.

 

i also don't understand why you're scared of breaking rules when you have FULL

control of yourself not to, your caregiver took the time to give you those rules

and even to administer the punishments and he only gets disrespect in return.

i may sound harsh but i'm really about seeing the light from a caregivers view

because a lot of people here don't. i would never intentionally break a rule or

disrespect my DD on purpose, it's not fun to make my DD feel a negative way

for any reason when, if i have an issue, we can just talk it out. whether it be me

not being able to follow/liking a rule that's unreasonable, to me wanting attention

so i don't act out. at the end of the day, i'm still an adult and communication is 

still key, respect is still given. 

[lilsnoopy]

 

i'd just

like to mention that you aren't being fair at all to your caregiver by acting out

and breaking rules, even if you don't know the reasoning behind it, find it and 

fix it. 

 

I agree with a lot of what Stardust was saying except this. Brats are a thing! I'm a brat! I love bending rules sometimes and having daddy be tougher on me. it's part of what i enjoy and that's ok!!

 

 Not every relationship is the same and not every little is the same. If you think you are a brat talk to him about it. To clarify, being a brat isn't just like permission to go wild and break all the rules. for me it's more a playful childish rebellion. It's been thoroughly discussed and is built into my relationship dynamic. My caregiver enjoys it too so it's just all about preference. 

[Guest Candy Minx ♡]

I agree with a lot of what Stardust was saying except this. Brats are a thing! I'm a brat! I love bending rules sometimes and having daddy be tougher on me. it's part of what i enjoy and that's ok!!

 

 Not every relationship is the same and not every little is the same. If you think you are a brat talk to him about it. To clarify, being a brat isn't just like permission to go wild and break all the rules. for me it's more a playful childish rebellion. It's been thoroughly discussed and is built into my relationship dynamic. My caregiver enjoys it too so it's just all about preference. 

 

in saying that, i didn't at all mean for it to mean that there are no such things as brats,

i stated after in the second paragraph that it wasn't bratty behavior thus acknowledging

that it does exist. but the behavior she is saying she's presenting isn't brat-like behavior,

which is why i suggested that finding the source of her issue and fixing it would help her

relationship, she'd get to keep her rules that she wants. i'm a huge brat as well but i'm aware

there's a difference between being a brat and not being one. and if her caregiver is wanting

to give up the rules she wants that, no, she's not being fair to him by breaking them all of

the time. that goes for anyone in any situation. it doesn't make it any less stressful on either

party. there's a huge difference between being a brat and having it known and worked into

your dynamic over just breaking rules and not knowing why you're doing that and having to 

stress/have your behavior prove that you don't want rules when it it, in fact, the other way around.

Edited March 23, 2017 by ☄ Stardust Kitten ☆

[lilsnoopy]

 

in saying that, i didn't at all mean for it to mean that there are no such things as brats,

i stated after in the second paragraph that it wasn't bratty behavior thus acknowledging

that it does exist. but the behavior she is saying she's presenting isn't brat-like behavior,

which is why i suggested that finding the source of her issue and fixing it would help her

relationship, she'd get to keep her rules that she wants. i'm a huge brat as well but i'm aware

there's a difference between being a brat and not being one. 

 

I understand but it felt like you were being really harsh. She may be new, she may be inexperienced. She's trying to get helpful advise, not made to feel bad about herself. She may show her type of brat like behavior differently than you and that's ok. That is for her and her partner to figure out. 

[Guest Candy Minx ♡]

I understand but it felt like you were being really harsh. She may be new, she may be inexperienced. She's trying to get helpful advise, not made to feel bad about herself. She may show her type of brat like behavior differently than you and that's ok. That is for her and her partner to figure out. 

 

I wasn't being harsh, that's fine if she's inexperienced and trying to figure things out,

love that she came here to a non-toxic, open, and understanding place to do it but

i gave her exactly what you told me she came here for - advice. i just didn't coat every

word i spoke with sugar. i don't see a reason to. i'm being nice, respectful, and i'm treating

a fellow adult in a nice and respectful way and in a way i'dlike to be treated

by others, not to mention that you sound as if you're pulling

a particular tone out of what i said. had i spoken in a gentle and bubbly voice saying that in

your head would i have sounded nearly as harsh? it's how you take it. i wasn't trying to 

make her feel bad about herself, and you don't know what makes her feel bad and what 

doesn't so it's not really a factor right now. 

 

and that's for her and her partner to figure out, yes, but it's apparent he's unhappy with it

because he doesn't want to enforce the rules anymore so they need to communicate and 

figure things out. like i said. communication. respect. relationship. 

 

what i said truly wasn't that different from what the other replies said. they suggested 

talking to her partner, figuring things out, potability of acting out for attention. i don't

really see your issue with my post. 

[Brattyprincess123]

Hey all (: thank you so much for your advice and replies (: dont worry, im not offended at all (: its good advice! Each and every one are (:

So.. to clarify.. i dont disobey because i want attention or i want to purposely disrespect my daddy. I love him and I respect him (: but.. rules like snacking and no touching myself.. i just cant seem to help it.. :/

[alotalittle]

"So.. to clarify.. i dont disobey because i want attention or i want to purposely disrespect my daddy. I love him and I respect him (: but.. rules like snacking and no touching myself.. i just cant seem to help it.. :/"

 

Looks like we've found the problem. If you CANNOT follow those rules, then it's only setting you and your DD up for failure. Like I mentioned before, rules can be challenging, but they're not supposed to be impossible for you. Perhaps you and your partner need to discuss rules a little more thoroughly and choose things that help improve yourself and your relationship, rather than rules that go completely against your nature.

 

Not everyone has rules in their dynamic, and the people who do, rarely all have the same rules. Every couple and individual's needs are different. If you and your partner both want rules to be a part of your dynamic, then it's time to sit down and talk them out. Write down some rules that you might like to have and your partner can do the same. Then you both can discuss which ones are realistic enough for you both.

[Princess-P]

So it sounds like you two, or maybe it was just one of you, chose the rules because it was seen on a list of possible rules or suggestions... And actually does not relate to your specific needs at all. This is a common mistake among new comers... And understandable. We all have to try something to know if we like it.

 

So my advice is to reevaluate why these rules are in place. It doesn't sound like you need them. To be honest saying you "just can't help yourself" is a farce. My 6 year old can control herself enough to follow rules how is it that a grown adult "just can't help it"? No, its clear you don't want to follow these rules so you don't. And that's fine. Scrap them. They aren't doing you any good and are only dressing your partner out and making him feel fed up with your behavior.

 

If you truly want to implement rules in your dynamic make the rules personal. Something you want to improve about yourself. Have the punishments be things you hate. Loss of TV/internet, writing lines, or more harsh physical punishments like kneeling on rice.

 

The bottom line is that what your doing isn't working for you and its definitely not working for your partner since he's already requested a stop to it. Time to change it.

[EllaDawn]

You need to work together with your Daddy to find rules that work for you - they're definitely not a one size fits all thing. For example, if given a rule against swearing, I would be breaking it 24/7 because I have a naughty, filthy mouth. It's part of who I am and I don't care to change it. I also would not be cool with anyone telling me when/what/how much I can eat. I control the food that goes into my body, no one else. Same thing with not touching myself. I will follow other rules, though, that other littles/middles might not want or like. Every pair is different.

[cutelilpunkin]

Look into high protocol training. Maybe you don't need rules exactly but you need training to be better at following rules.?

[Guest Wolfsbabylove]

Have you ever considered that you dont see your Daddy as a Dominate? Because if I didnt see my Daddy as a Dominate, I wouldnt be worried about rules and punishments.

 

Does he go through with the punishments or just say hes disappointed?

 

Maybe you need a different kind of punishment....

 

just my thoughts.....

[DaddyCj86]

my little does this and i agree with kitten that at times it feels like i'm about to burn out... but then we talk about it and it usually gets better. i know that I need to come up with better punishments though.

[Rantanplan]

alotalittle did bring up some interesting points that I can agree with.

I'd put my little in a straitjacket to stop her from doing more naughty stuff. This should be quite effective ... well, at least in the short run. She would have to stay nappied in there until the next morning.

It would obviously involve extra work like feeding her with a bottle, running a comb through her hair and brushing her teeth. And while doing so she needs to be told over and over again that this happens whenever she is far too bratty until she definitely feels humiliated. This way my little would get the required attention and punishment at the same time.

It would be worth a try, don't you think so? No touching at all during that time!

[Guest Unveil]

Bratty Princess,

 

I am curious to know if the reason for the no snacking rule is for your benefit? Is that rule placed because of health concerns your Daddy has for you? If so, and since you find the "cold turkey" approach unreasonable or you simply do not have the strength to do so, I would suggest a different approach. Perhaps it would be doable for your Daddy to limit your snacking, instead of taking it all away cold turkey style. He could sat a rule on what snacks are permittable, how much you snack in a day or the quantity, and even at what times through out the day you are allow to have a snack. Do you think this would be reasonable and doable on your end?

 

About the no touching yourself without permission rule, as what alotalittle mention, maybe you and your Daddy could start off with you needing permission on certain occasions/days or a certain length of time. That way you two can ease into it and you will not feel it is unreasonable.

 

If you have a reasonable and caring Daddy then you should be able to talk to him about this without shame or fear and he will consider what you have to say and reconsider his approach. However, because you have chosen him to be your Daddy Dom and like wise he has chosen you to be his little, it is vital you trust his decisions and the intent of his heart. He has obviously become discouraged and too stressed over your constant rule breaking. I'm glad you two are going to give it another go, just keep in mind Einstein definition of insanity, "repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result." I am sure you two can find what will work out for the both of you, so your relationship can be filled with pleasure and goodness.

 

Hope all works out !