break ups

[raptorkitty]

My boyfriend/ daddy said we should take a break last night. That he doesn't know if I'm what he wants and he needs time to figure it out. Being my daddy is to stressful because he feels its not "him." He's going back and forth on whether or not we go to counselling and i stay, or i leave. 

 

I feel like our whole relationship he's kept me at arms length, if he needed me he'd pull me in. If i was too much or something slightly went wrong, i was pushed away. 

 

I've never felt so lonely. Waiting for someone to decide on whether or not your enough I'm drowning

 

He's depressed because he's out of work and its killing him, so I'm trying to understand that this is a common thing for depressed people to do.  

[LittleNanette]

depression can manifest itself in multiple ways... i have had the same struggle that your boyfriend has just for different reasons... sadly i can't tell you what to do since i haven't found a solution yet...

but seeking professional help with any mental illness is always adviced

[Biscuits]

Understand that, like my emo phase back in high school, it might not last too long. Definitely help him find work, search out openings nearby for jobs he might like, support him and tell him that he's amazing. I understand that we're the littles and everyone expects us to be needing the compliments and support, but the caregiver definitely needs it also. If it all works out and maybe you relieve the main source of stress that he had, I hope that you two stay together forever. If it doesn't work out, just be sure to know, you damn well tried your hardest. Treat yourself, take care of yourself, and I hope you two come to an agreement.

 

Love,

Biscuits   

[lilsnoopy]

...I understand he needs support if he's depressed... but your emotions and personal well being (in this case mostly emotionally) are very important. If he can't decide if he wants you or not, that's not necessarily fair to you. This situation has to be putting a ton of stress onto you as well. That's just my opinion and your life is your life, follow what you think is right.

 

 In the long run, I think it would be hard to come back from this. the broken trust and insecurities you may have will be difficult to come back from.  I would advise to step back and take your own time to just process things, give him the same. Then come back and talk it over about what is best for you both. If you want to talk feel free to friend and message me. I really want to stress this is just my way of looking at it, but do what you think is best for you (even if it isn't easy).

[Whispering-oak]

Hi

    Depression is normal in life. if one is depressed too long then they should see/talk to a counselor and or psychologist. Sometimes medication will help for a few months to get them through it... you mentioned that you felt the only time you shared together was when HE needed you ... but if he wasn't there  for you when you needed him ...it may be time to evaluate the relationship... yes there are times when littles get clingy or needy and that is when the DD should respond... and yes sometimes the lg needs to back up a little and understand that DD's have stresses that they need to deal with and the little needs to try not to add to the problem ... its hard to back up when your needing attention ... and this is where i would say ... "at this point you need to put on your BIG GIRL panties and help deal with the problems"... but if you look back and see a one sided relationship even when things were going good, then sit down and think about what it is you really need and want out of a relationship ... you can't choose only part of you and leave the other part behind because sooner or later that part of you will want back in... then you will have to make an even more painful decision later... so decide who you are .. then what you need... then make the best choice you can.... its about your happiness .

WO  aka: John

[Guest Candy Minx ♡]

i actually came across your words once, 

 

Number 1 thing is, if you are in a relationship and you think about breaking up, that relationship isn't for you. 

Second is, its not fair to your partner for you to not be fully committed. You are holding them back (as harsh as that may sound, its a reason to move on)

Third, You are holding yourself back from many opportunities that are trying to come your way, hold onto a relationship you don't actually want. 

 

 

Its hard breaking up with someone, the fear of being alone creeps up and taking the next step is hard. But sometimes you just have to cut the cord. Break up. Block all contact so you don't go back. 

 

 

i've been often looked down upon for the things i suggest, the way i explain them,

my lack of sugarcoating and i'm sure i'll be in the same view by bringing up your

own advice to another to use for yourself. yes, the situation may be different but

i don't see why your words wouldn't ring true to yourself? i'm not saying break up

or whatever it is that you do ( though i would suggest it, i've been in the same 

position as you where my ex couldn't tell me if he loved me anymore and i knew

right then. i immediately left, cut all contact, nothing has been said between us

since, i do not regret it. i'm now in a year+ ldr/irl relationship where i'll be moving

in with him sometime this year before christmas. i will NEVER regret my decision.

i would never want to be with someone who can doubt their love for me or my love

for them ).

 

if he doubts, there's someone out there in the world who won't, i truly believe this. 

this relationship mustn't be for him, according to you. i'm not trying to sound like

an asshole, i'm just providing you good advice that i plucked from you.

 

and generally, as far as the depression goes - untreated it can destroy every type

of relationship and it's not something that every magically goes away and should 

be addressed for the good of you, your daddy, and everyone else. it's a destructive

force and it's not always easy and never fun. honestly, even if he's depressed, i don't

think there's any reason that you should have to deal with it if he decides to keep on

with it being untreated, it's so deeply and incredibly unfair to both of you. it's apparently

getting under your skin and you shouldn't have to suffer. it's gotten under his and now

it appears he has issues with your ship, you should support your partner but only if they're

trying to support themselves. people who expect others to deal with the small bandaids they

put over their illness don't necessarily strike me as fair ( funny story the ex i previously

mentioned suffered from it, it was untreated, i was miserable and on edge all the time, 

walked on eggshells for awhile there. so. i speak from experience. ) 

 

from what i've been told by YOU, it seems like there's an awful lot going on between him

being jobless and depressed, you feeling like your ship was always at arms length and his

depression - and that it needs to be broken down into smaller issues to address and fix if

you want an attempt at saving your relationship.

 

i'd like you to ask yourself if you'd be happy in your relationship if he wasn't depressed?

being at arms lengths with someone you're suppose to be able to communicate and 

trust. something like this is off putting for me.