The seemingly forgotten non-sexual side of things

[lilsnoopy]

Just a little rant triggered by a guy I meant who assumed, just because I was a submissive, he could sexualize me. It was very inappropriate. I don't necessarily blame him... he might have learned that way. Tumblr and porn sites don't exactly set the best guide of how to be a good dominant. 

 

My problem is bdsm and it's subcategories seem misrepresented. If you look up bdsm you'll see lots of chains and whips and pretty girls willing to do whatever... but that's not all it is! and I fear that people may not have a complete understand of how much deeper it goes. I've been in a bdsm relationship with the man I love for over a year. In our case he is a dominant but not just in a bedroom. I enjoy being a submissive outside of getting off on it. I find it stress relieving and it always reassures me he still wants to care for me (and in general still wants me). He could look at me in any setting,  tell me and order in a gentle voice, and I will obey.... I think the amount of trust and intimacy that takes surpasses just letting some guy boss me around sexually. 

Yes sex can be part of it but it does not have to be, it is proportionally captured in the sources people tend to learn about bdsm from.  

This isn't just in general bdsm though, I also am into pet play usually as a kitten or puppy. These spaces can be completely nonsexual where I just want my owner to take care of me. Tumblr doesn't show that portion of the kinks. Sites like this really do a lot for the nonsexual side of dd/lg but people just getting into the kink and call themselves, "doms" or even "subs" might not truly understand how much more it can be. Submission is a gift and it's not meant to be taken lightly in any context. It's so much more than just sex.

[tayiie]

Couldn't agree more! This is so spot on! Especially love the last two sentences "Submission is a gift and it's not meant to be taken lightly in any context. It's so much more than just sex."

[Biscuits]

I think one of the main reasons for hate against the DDLG community and all of these other communities is because of the representation it gets online, as you said. It's consenting adults trusting each other to make the other person happy and to enjoy each other as a whole. With those xxx sites and all, it just makes people think it's grown adults who want to sleep with minors when that is not the case whatsoever. It's giving the community a bad rep to people who have never heard of it before and with how forbidden the world seems to find it, I feel like many people aren't living their lives to the fullest because they dont want others to know they associate with the community. 

 

I mean, it's 2017, why is anything still considered taboo?

 

Love,

Biscuits

[Harley_Quinn]

I saw a picture that said submission is earned not a given. The blog post with it was all about how most subs don't truly give full submission to someone until they know they've deserved it. Now I have a little story to go with it :3

 

Me and daddy dated off and on for a while. It was before I found DDLG and before anyone knew I was a masochist with a severe submission. And I briefly told daddy (at the time he was just my boyfriend) about how I was kind of submissive. He didn't use that against me or try to get further than I let him.

 

Fast forward a few months I was dating another guy. He didn't know I was anywhere near into any of this. He asks me to call him daddy (he was way younger than me so I said no and that it was a weird kink (even tho I was into it lmao) and it was truly because I felt he didn't deserve my submission) he broke up with me because I refused to call him daddy and refused to submit to him.

 

Fast forward again I'm back with daddy lol and i accidentally scrolled into a different picture instead of the one I was trying to show him and thays how he found out i was a little. But he didn't try to use my submission against me.

 

Daddy's a sadist. And a very very dominant one at that. He also cleans my pacis, makes sure i have my stuffies all night long, and puts up with my night night movies. If someone who I honestly never thought could control his dominance doesn't use it against someone who will submit in fear can not ask for submission then I don't see why anyone can't.