Seeking advice unsure where to go

[Guest babydaisyprincess]

I'm currently in a relationship that's on thin ice, I've expressed that to my partner. He basically only said he doesn't know what to do and he's trying. I really do care for him but I'm not sure this is what's best for me anymore. He always says I can leave him if I'll be happier with someone else because he cares more about my happiness than his. That logic doesn't really follow though. Some quick backstory is that I'm easily triggered by being ignored, he asked my best friend for advice and she said ignoring me is the worst thing to do. I also have anxiety and depression. Being in a ldr, he consistently reads my messages without replying and goes long periods without any contact. During a fight the other day he read my messages and didn't respond for 5+ hours. He's never admitted to ignoring me and always has excuses or changes the subject. I understand being busy, but he constantly makes me feel like I have to beg for attention and most importantly structure. Which is the main reason we got together seeking this sort of dynamic. I am his first girlfriend so he's asked me for more sympathy and understanding. Which I get but he leaves me feeling neglected and alone so much. I truly do care for him and he's helped me a lot. I just am not sure if this is what's best for me anymore. Maybe I'm paranoid but to be able to feel vulnerable (which little space is) you have to feel safe and loved. I don't always feel loved when he doesn't seem to care to talk to me. I honestly am not sure he's cut out for this sort of thing or maybe it's just me being particularly needy, I'm just hoping for some advice I guess. He hasn't ever given me much structure unless I've asked likely more than 5 times for it. He doesn't think I need to have any rules even though I've asked for them, he just the other day seemingly begrudgingly (maybe I'm just sensitive) gave me a bedtime spanning two hours. I've talked to a few different people, some say he's manipulative seeming and doesn't properly understand the dynamic. Other people say he's young (19) and needs sympathy. Although he's helped me a lot I'm at the time where I need more help than usual and I'm just not sure he can give it to me. He did help me overcome some things but now I'm facing quite a big set back and feeling like I have such a weak support system. Due to his lack of consistent communication, which is because he apparently has a one track mind meaning he can't focus on a lot at once and he's always out. In turn leaving me to always feel ignored and like a second choice whether he means to or not. Also I apologize if this is hard to read I am writing on my phone. He had to end up setting multiple alarms on his phone just to check up on me which seems weird, maybe it's just me but I think if you wanted to talk to someone it would just cross your mind

[Guest]

If you are not happy and you have repeatedly asked for change and it's not getting better it maybe better to leave. But also be ready to give yourself time to think about what you need.

 

If you try for another relationship realize not everyone has the ability to keep contact allllllllll the time and you'd probably have to be patient still with whoever came next. Ddlg is about trust and commitmenting but no one can be around 24/7 most older people work and can't be on their phone all the time. ( I am sure you know that though.)

 

As someone who recently left a relationship were the other person didn't speak to me as much as I wanted I can totally understand where you are coming from. I guess my best advice is to find somebody who can prioritize you but still being able to keep to their schedule as well.

[neko]

Honestly it doesn't seem like he cares about the relationship but that's just my assumption from what you wrote

 

He gave you the option to leave if it would make you happier, and it sounds like it would based on the several complaints throughout the post. So I'm not really sure what's holding you back from persuing someone else?

Edited March 15, 2017 by neko

[Guest QueenJellybean]

It sounds like you've done all you can here. You've talked to him, you've been honest about your feelings and voiced them, and you've tried to be considerate of his feelings. If you haven't done these things, I suggest that be your first step, but it sounds like you've already done that. 

 

The only thing left is to make your choice. It seems like a clear one to me. I suggest taking some time to reassess what you want out of a relationship and do some self-searching before looking for someone new. Good luck!

[BabyKittenPaws]

I've been in the same situation and I found it's like ripping off band aid..

breaking it off might hurt but if you leave the band aid on the wound will get pussy.

[Whispering-oak]

Hello

      You seem to be unsure of what this type of relationship is.. IMHO a little does not need to beg (well once in a while like to go get ice cream or go to Disneyland) for attention. First I would say that you are little and you do not need to change who you are, your perfect. There is a difference between changing who you are and changing your habits/structure. A DD should feel the need to care and protect the little, tending to the little's needs. Most if not all littles are clingy and need attention and this is why a DD/DM become caregivers... it is a need in them to care for the little and in return the little needs the DD/DM to have the structure, love, and protection of the DD/DM  so they feel safe and secure. You will have to examine your relationship and decide if you can have your needs met by this caregiver or if you need to reevaluate the relationship and move on.

For a while you will have to rely on your big girl/adult side but with the help of friends in the chat room and DD/DM's  you can get help and the support in the mean time until that day you are able to find your DD/DM.. remember it is not about the sex... too many people confuse this as a role play game, It is not a game!!! Your Daddy will have structure and protection and love for you... and in return you will give him structure, purpose and love in return... there may be hurt but this will pass and you will only remember the good times as the relationship passes from this daddy to a new Daddy... any questions please feel free to ask .. or ask in the room and somebody will chat with you about it in private ....

Whispering-oak    aka: John

[Guest TwinklingSpace]

It's hard ending a relationship; but these type of relationships are harder.

 

I've been in two now.

 

The first one last 7 years (on and off), yea, I know - that's really long. Even though he wasn't giving me the communication or emotional connection that I needed and craved. I still went back to him, because I had a connection with him. I would be with him for a few months and then his ignorance of me would get too me too much and then I would leave. Then a few months later I missed him so I would go back, and repeat the cycle over and over and over. It really messed me up. It drove me crazy the way he treated me, but it was better then nothing.

 

If you're truly unhappy and he isn't making actual effort (that you see) then the best and healthiest thing (for both of you) might be to leave.

 

And I know this might be hard to head, but, he might be doing it on purpose. Either he feels really bad about himself so he's self-sabotaging or he just doesn't know how to tell you he's not interested anymore so he's pulling away to make you end it.

 

I say this, cause this is how the second relationship ended for me. The same thing happened to me, we were having a fight and I sent a TON of messages with no reply. 12+ hours later all I got was a "sorry". I pretty much exploded and called him out on it and he admitted that was what he was trying to do. He was trying to push me away so I'd end the relationship cause he wasn't interested anymore.

 

My advice is, do what makes you happy. Yes it will be hard and painful and you'll want to undue it. But stay strong and firm. You deserve to be happy and to be treated like a human being and decently. Don't ever forget that ~hugs~

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Hi there. I'll keep this brief as this is a very personal side I don't usually share.

 

Over a year ago, nearly two in fact, my husband and I were on rocks. I was so done. I honestly can't remember what was going on in the relationship other than I didn't feel valued. I texted him while we were both at work and told him we needed to talk. He called. I told him I wanted it to be over, that I was so tired of trying. He asked if I could get off work. I said yeah probably. He left work and so did I.

 

Finances were tight, I had just gone back to work after a year off with my daughter. I missed being home. I felt unimportant and like a choice. We drove and talked and drove and talked for literally hours. I poured my heart out and so did he.

 

I would love to tell you things were fixed right away, but they weren't. Frankly, that's not how life works. We had to work at it daily. As it turned out, he didn't feel valued, either. We were both failing our relationship and the less valued we felt, the less we valued each other. Nearly two years later we are both so incredibly happy.

 

This man.... he's my whole world. I love him so incredibly much. Him leaving work that day, and each and every day since making sure to make me feel important, and me doing the same, is what saved our relationship. We've been together nearly 5yrs. I can not imagine life without him.

 

If he isn't willing to help you fix it.... sadly it probably can't be repaired.