Married couple new to DDLG

[Kristov]

Hi my SO and I have been happily married for 8 years and only recently discovered we want to try the DDLG thing. We are both super excited and feel like a weight has been lifted off our shoulders and we can now be our true selves. Problem is that after 8 years we have become comfortable acting a certain way around each other and I worry we will find it hard to commit to our DDLG roles. To be perfectly honest this wouldn't be a 24/7 thing as we are both very lazy ppl. So how do manage this all, how do we find a balance between our old and new personalities? How will we know when to switch on and off? Sorry for all the questions but new to this and really want to make it work. Thanks

[Guest Princessaj]

Hi thanks for asking for your feedback.

 

The word "role" to me means you are pretending/choosing to be something you are not for a specific period of time or from time to time.

 

I am a middle, I am not playing the role of a middle. I am looking for a Daddy Dom and he will be a DD because that is the way God made him, he is not playing the role of a DD.

 

If you are little and he is a/your Daddy Dom, there is no separation, just be.

 

Maybe there are things and times that require us to be "Adult" and we take responsibility as an "Adult," but that doesn't mean we are not littles, middles, DD's....

 

Maybe you would like to really let yourself completely go into little space so you can decide if this is something that you are trying on or if you are fully little. It may help you look in the mirror and ask yourself if you were born this way?

 

There is a trend in mostly teens and early 20's that are little or DD so they can have the stuffies, dress a certain way and materially call themselves by a specific title. That is there choice. That is not how I feel.

 

We are not acting, we are DDlg, We are not acting, we are Adults when we have to be.

 

Spend a lot of time reading what other littles and DD's write. You can really hear their are not acting a role, they are being themselves.

 

If you can answer to yourself that you are little, here is a zinger, there is no right or wrong way to be little.

Whatever you do or don't do, embrace the adventure of life. You are welcome here. Hugs.

[BabySwe]

If i were you i would set a day where you're just little/caregiver, and see how that feels. Talk everything through afterwards and see what both of you thought and what you'd desire to change or not. If you love it a lot it might become a permanent thing for you, or you might slip in and out of it when you least expect. For many littles, a caregiver acting in a certain way will automatically bring out the little side in them. It is true that most are little or caregiver as their personality. I've not always known about DDlg, but I've always acted kind of childlike, I've just been ashamed of it and hid it for most of my life. So have fun with it, try out activities, duration and see what fits best for you guys! There are plenty that aren't 24/7 littles and caregivers. I am happy to hear you guys feel freed though! I can 100% relate to that, and hope this is the perfect fit for you! ^.^

[Princess-P]

8 years is a long time, and it's natural to fall into a bit of a rut. Its important however to keep things fun and exciting in a relationship, and if discovering CG/l rolls excites you both that's wonderful.

 

I suggest you start slow and don't just jump right into a full blown scene. Do some reading on the forum and discuss with your partner what each of you desires from the dynamic.

 

Keep in mind that there is no guideline to how this works.

 

Some relationships are none sexual while in little space some are not and some don't even have a defined little space.

 

Some people like to pick an age and then choose activities that relate to that age, such as diapers, sippy cups, coloring, bed time stories designed for children. Some littles don't have an age and just do whatever feels right to them.

 

There is also not always a power exchange, but on this forum you will mostly see examples of power exchanges, like rules, punishments, rewards. If after 8 years you find that having rules in a relationship is difficult, even just during a scene, then remember they are not important.

 

The biggest thing is to not follow just one example on here. Do whatever the two of you like. Never worry your doing it wrong. And if you try something and it doesn't work or you find yourself slipping out of your roles then don't worry about it. Talk over what happened and move in. Always keep communication open about everything.

[pengudaddy]

Really good responses in this thread and I agree with most of them.
DDlg is a lifestyle, it's not roleplay. You can roleplay with DDlg, but if you are little, middle, submissive, dominant, Daddy, Caregiver... that is what you are!

 

Problem is that after 8 years we have become comfortable acting a certain way around each other [...]

 

Understandable, and you should remain comfortable! DDlg shouldn't change your dynamic, only add to it.

 

 

To be perfectly honest this wouldn't be a 24/7 thing as we are both very lazy ppl. So how do manage this all, how do we find a balance between our old and new personalities? How will we know when to switch on and off?

 

I think in order to participate in the DDlg lifestyle, it MUST be 24/7. It takes no effort, you need to believe this is who you are. I am a Daddy Dom, it fits me, it feels natural. There is no on/off. For instance, my little will always be my little despite whatever headspace she is in, and I will always be her Daddy despite my headspace (maybe I'm tired/stressed and won't act 100% Daddy Dom/Caregiver, but that is what I am and it cannot be changed).

 

Also, you shouldn't create a new personality for DDlg... you should be yourself and DDlg should be attractive to you and your SO because it works with your current personality. I will say it might improve your personality, but shouldn't change it.

 

 

If i were you i would set a day where you're just little/caregiver, and see how that feels. Talk everything through afterwards and see what both of you thought and what you'd desire to change or not.

 

I agree with this post. You should try it out. If it is a lifestyle you would like to participate in, then congratulations! You will live a very fulfilling life (:

Again, I disagree that DDlg is something you slip in and out of. It is my personal opinion but I honestly think if you don't see this as a lifestyle choice and you don't live it 24/7, you might as well not participate in it. DDlg should not be a kink. There's more than enough tumblards out there "kink" shaming an otherwise healthy and rather normal lifestyle. Which is why I stress to see DDlg as a lifestyle.

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

I am more of a middle myself, though I don't slip into a headspace and I don't consider myself to age play. My Daddy and I are married. We discovered DDlg a while ago, but I honestly can't tell you how long, less than a year I'm almost certain. Prior to that we have been vanilla but most D/s, me being the submissive.

 

We have two young children and we're still 24/7. This isn't a role play for us, though if that's what you choose so be it. You may not find much advice here regarding it though, as for most of us here, this is our life. My husband is the head of our household, period. This means he's the head of me too. This works great for us, and I never thought I would like to be "controlled" or dominated. I love it though.

 

This lifestyle isn't work for us, it's natural. It's what our relationship has always been missing. We knew we were missing a piece and when we discovered DDlg this was it.

 

We have rules I follow and such, but really its all up to you. Ask yourself, and your partner, what you both want from this.