Dealing with jealousy

[Guest sensitivekitten]

This is a question that applies to everyone, not just DDlg folks. I have low self-esteem and have struggled with mental health for a long time. I'm seeing a therapist and working through my issues. 

 

I get so jealous and upset about the smallest things. I feel like my partner can change their mind about me at any moment and whenever a new person enters their life I worry that they'll fall for them. I feel like everyone would want my partner and I don't feel confident enough in myself to not worry that they have feelings for someone else or are out flirting with other people or something. 

 

Does anyone else feel like this? Help  

[Guest Ginger]

I'm also in therapy, and on meds for anxiety and depression. I know exactly how you feel >.< I struggle with this too.

 

Normally I end up asking my fiance (my Dom as well) if he really wants to be with me. "You're not legally bound to me yet. :p" I'll say it jokingly but we both know it's a serious question. I don't know how your partner takes to being asked the same thing over and over again, but it's something I do that helps. Outside of that, I just try to reassure myself that if he really didn't want to be with me, he'd have left by now. Doesn't sound pretty but it's the truth.

 

For the jealousy, it's also said in a kind of joking manner but again, he knows I'm serious. He even says it back!

Say we're out town and we both notice some chick looking at him. I usually grab his arm, kinda nuzzle under it and into his side, saying "Mine." While looking up at him.

If it's some dude looking at me, he'll grab me around the back of my waist, pull me close and kiss me on top of my head and kinda growl, "you're mine."

 

It doesn't seem like much but it works for us since we're both very possessive of the other. Not too sure if any of this helps but I hope things get better soon!

Edited March 10, 2017 by Ginger

[BigCityLittleGirl]

Think of it like this, say you have a conversation about this with him and he is willing to do anything to help calm your fears of him cheating or leaving. Do you have things in mind that would help or do you think you will continue to feel that way regardless? I would try Gingers advice for when you are together and feel someone is giving him the eye. Another thing I would add is try hanging out with him and the people who you find suspicious so that you can see how they interact and heck you may even become their friend as well. I don't want to sound mean but from prior experience, my ex was this way with me and I ended up leaving bc I couldn't take being accused of cheating or being constantly checked up on when I had done nothing to deserve that. Since I also have anxiety/depression his constant accusations made me feel very bad like no matter how open I was it wasn't ever good enough for him. So try to keep that in mind when you are feeling panicky and might yell about something that you don't know the full details of. I'm sure he will be more than happy to do what he can to assure you that you're #1 in his eyes!

[AGentleman]

Almost everyone is jealous to some degree, we want what is "ours"... but we have to learn to live with those feelings and not let them control us, 

you have probably heard the saying that goes something like, "You have to love yourself before anyone else can" and i believe that is true to a certain point, we need to see the good in ourself so we know we're worth it and we can believe that our partner actually wants to be with you. Now that is a really bad advice from me because you can't just magically make your selfesteem grow... but you could try and work a little on it, find something you're good at we all have something... and build on that

[glgkittykat99]

I get this all the time 

as far as im concerned, i don't think there really is a way to deal with it

you just have to kind of accept that its part of your personality

and when it gets overwhelming

DON'T be afraid to reconfirm it with your daddy

even if you feel like you might be being annoying (which i do, abt 99% of the time) but it's better than letting it eat at you 

just ask him straight out, not if he's cheatin gon you but

if he (stil) likes/ loves you and why and stuff like that

[Loulou0304]

I have the exact same problem. It drives me nuts   It's nice to know I'm not alone in this at least. It's just so hard to talk to people about mental health, nobody ever seems to understand, just pretend like they do until you need them.

[Guest sensitivekitten]

I'm also in therapy, and on meds for anxiety and depression. I know exactly how you feel >.< I struggle with this too.

 

Normally I end up asking my fiance (my Dom as well) if he really wants to be with me. "You're not legally bound to me yet. :p" I'll say it jokingly but we both know it's a serious question. I don't know how your partner takes to being asked the same thing over and over again, but it's something I do that helps. Outside of that, I just try to reassure myself that if he really didn't want to be with me, he'd have left by now. Doesn't sound pretty but it's the truth.

 

For the jealousy, it's also said in a kind of joking manner but again, he knows I'm serious. He even says it back!

Say we're out town and we both notice some chick looking at him. I usually grab his arm, kinda nuzzle under it and into his side, saying "Mine." While looking up at him.

If it's some dude looking at me, he'll grab me around the back of my waist, pull me close and kiss me on top of my head and kinda growl, "you're mine."

 

It doesn't seem like much but it works for us since we're both very possessive of the other. Not too sure if any of this helps but I hope things get better soon!

Ugh I totally understand this. There are so many times when I think about things like not being legally bound. Yeah a lot of my insecurities come out as jokes but inside I'm really like "AAAAAH!!". 

 

That's so cute that you do that together. I also would feel really possessive of my Daddy so I understand that feeling. Thank you so much for sharing, this helped so much! 

[Guest sensitivekitten]

Think of it like this, say you have a conversation about this with him and he is willing to do anything to help calm your fears of him cheating or leaving. Do you have things in mind that would help or do you think you will continue to feel that way regardless? I would try Gingers advice for when you are together and feel someone is giving him the eye. Another thing I would add is try hanging out with him and the people who you find suspicious so that you can see how they interact and heck you may even become their friend as well. I don't want to sound mean but from prior experience, my ex was this way with me and I ended up leaving bc I couldn't take being accused of cheating or being constantly checked up on when I had done nothing to deserve that. Since I also have anxiety/depression his constant accusations made me feel very bad like no matter how open I was it wasn't ever good enough for him. So try to keep that in mind when you are feeling panicky and might yell about something that you don't know the full details of. I'm sure he will be more than happy to do what he can to assure you that you're #1 in his eyes!

The thing is...there really is no one that I think is being suspicious. It's mostly me being scared that he'll meet someone in the future. I do need to be open with him about it! Thank you for the help 

[Guest sensitivekitten]

Almost everyone is jealous to some degree, we want what is "ours"... but we have to learn to live with those feelings and not let them control us, 

you have probably heard the saying that goes something like, "You have to love yourself before anyone else can" and i believe that is true to a certain point, we need to see the good in ourself so we know we're worth it and we can believe that our partner actually wants to be with you. Now that is a really bad advice from me because you can't just magically make your selfesteem grow... but you could try and work a little on it, find something you're good at we all have something... and build on that

You're definitely right, and I'm working on my self-esteem with my therapist. I'm trying to keep growing it so that I can see all the reasons why someone wouldn't just randomly change their feelings for me. Thanks for your help 

[Guest sensitivekitten]

I have the exact same problem. It drives me nuts   It's nice to know I'm not alone in this at least. It's just so hard to talk to people about mental health, nobody ever seems to understand, just pretend like they do until you need them.

So nice not to feel alone. Hang in there too