New and need help...

[WhatifIfall?]

Sorry this is going to be long.

 

My boyfriend and I are both switches. Ive been invovled in bdsm for 3 years and we have been together sense June 2015. When we first met I was his domiante. As time went out and due to life issues we faded in to just dating until he suggested we switch roles. We did so July/August of 2016. We struggled, it wasnt always perfect but we worked on it. About 3 months ago I confessed my ddlg wants. He took it and loved the idea, as we went he grew in that and was a great daddy as the time went.... till last friday.

 

He confessed he didnt want the roles any more and would end them, and hasnt wantdd them for a month. He wanted me to be his mistress again and I said no. I total broke that. Sense then Ive been lost... it feels like im an abonded child yet the man who was my daddy is still here. He doesnt understand why I refuse any bdsm role. I dont know how to explain to him how important him being a daddy was... in part because I thought he understood. He pushes being the submissive a bit but I refuse each time and he lets it go. Last night was the first time he tried to control my orgasms and Im proud cause I told him that he couldnt do that any more. I broke after he was asleep and cried. I just am so lost and Idk what to do.

 

Hes agreed that I am allowed to find a new daddy but I dont know If I can trust someone like that again. It took so long to trust him and admit it to myself.

 

Ill answer any questions to assist in help. Thank you.

[Guest Georgia-Daddy2]

Wow um my question is why does it say "last night was the first time he tried to control your orgasms and your proud..." Was proud the right word because he is being dominant or is it supposed to be something else I got lost a little bit sorry

[WhatifIfall?]

I was proud that I told him that he couldnt do that any more, instead of falling back in to the roles he gave up.

[Guest Georgia-Daddy2]

Falling into his little or dominant role?

[WhatifIfall?]

In to the roles of me being the little and him being the domiante. It would have been a one time thing and I couldnt do that.

[Guest Georgia-Daddy2]

So you want a permanent daddy and he wants a mistress? Right?

[cuppycakes]

Do you know why he wanted to stop being your daddy?

[sthvxo]

You are both switches. The relationship started out as him being submissive and you being his Mistress. You have to understand that he probably feels the same as you. The woman he submitted to is still there, but now he can't submit to and serve her anymore. She never takes control of him. 

 

Is there any way that you two can take turns in the Dominant position? So that you can both be fulfilled? 

 

If not, I guess you could look for a new Daddy. Are you okay with him finding a new Mistress though?

 

If you decide to find a new Daddy, just make sure you take it slow and don't rush anything. Don't force yourself to go faster than you can handle.

[WhatifIfall?]

Sthvxo- I should have added between the role switched we talked and he said he didnt want to be a full time submissive. He liked the idea but not the life. He wanted moments. During our time id take control sometimes but also he was free to findsome as long as I wasnt left out. He did things online, and he could have looked for more but didnt... so while I get your point I expressed in the start I wasnt domiante but for him Id try, it wasnt a position I enjoyed and we discussed that as well.

[WhatifIfall?]

Georgia.. I dont know what I want and neither does he, I dont think its that clean cut.

[WhatifIfall?]

Cupcake- not really besides being selfish (his words not just mine) and not wanting to any more. Hes very impulsive and it came up in a conversation and he jumped on it. I told him I wish he had told me a month ago, ot would have hurt less. Its effected my ability to trust him.

[Guest Georgia-Daddy2]

I agree with the switching roles every so often

[Guest Georgia-Daddy2]

I wouldn't say trust him less he probably only did it to make you happy but everyone has a limit

[WhatifIfall?]

Georgia- he knows thats a huge issue to me, my ex husband lied for two years to make me happy..it lead to our divorce. So with him knowing that and choosing my my mind to lie... I cant trust that.

 

Switching isnt a possibility for me right now.

[bbDD]

Its all in the wiring... switch, not switch, DD, lg... wiring!

Don't be afraid to start again, just take your time.

[Guest Georgia-Daddy2]

I didn't know that now I understand a lot more

[WhatifIfall?]

Sorry its alot of small details and Im not sure what is needed.

[cuppycakes]

I think you should sit down with him and talk this over. No judgement, all cards on the table. Tell him how having a daddy made you feel, and how important it was to you, and listen to him when he explains exactly why he didn't want to do it anymore. There's bound to be more to it than being "selfish" because that's kind of a dumb excuse and it doesn't tell you much.

 

Compromise and communication are the two best things for a relationship. If he doesn't want to be your daddy full-time, then maybe he would a day or two out of the week. If you don't want to be his mistress, maybe you could dominate him during playtime once in a while. There's so many ways to compromise with this.

 

If you're still interested in ddlg, there's nothing wrong with being little without your daddy being involved, either. 

[WhatifIfall?]

Cupcake- I never thought of the part time stuff. Thank you. I think I will have that talk and it may work better for us. I really appreciate that.

 

Being so new to being ok with the lq part of me Im sure how to do that but with time Ill figure it out too.

Edited February 27, 2017 by WhatifIfall?

[cuppycakes]

I'm sure it will work out for you.

 

I wanted to mention one last thing: if you've lost some of your trust with him right now, then I think it'd be a good idea to give ALL dynamics a bit of a break. Focus on a completely vanilla relationship to get that trust built up again. I know I could never have a daddy that I couldn't put my 100% trust into. It's a difficult dynamic, and not worrying about it, for at least a little while, in order to get your relationship where it needs to be isn't a bad idea.

[WhatifIfall?]

Cupcake- thats gonna be part of the talk. I need answers, and I need unbroken promises. No mores or trying to keep me happy. We have a big event coming up in two weeks and I want to take that time to talk. Aftet the event we can discuss bringing bdsm back in to our lives.