My first little ever is in love again .. why am I so jealous

[Lostinvoid]

This is maybe just random ranting I'm not sure what advice I could receive but I felt the need to put this out there

My first real committed ddlg relationship about six months ago , after about six months of very intimate LDR communication with plans to meet around this time since we both had things keeping us busy . She decided college and being a commited sub/little was too much and wanted to freedom to do as she wished , this ruined me and took a while to get strong enough to have another relationship that sadly ended for other personal reasons .. but just today my first little reached out to me was sick and just missed me or wanted care she knew I would offer IDK .. but it felt like heaven to just be with her happy a moment , once things calmed downed I asked what she been up to and she told me about her new gut , this shatters my heart and leaves me feeling like an idiot because for that half HR that she just needed me I was happy like I hadn't been for a bit and her news was like a knife . But been months since we talked how is OK to feel jealous over this guy . * sits with face in hands * any words of wisdom , or just someone who been thru similar who can offer perspective

[Guest Georgia-Daddy2]

Yeah it's fine to feel jealous it's part of human nature she was yours then gone now his and it doesn't seem fair that should be you I know the feeling all too well and it hurts it cuts like a knife but you have to ask yourself if she was too busy to be a college student and your sub what makes her suddenly unbusy to be his? If he is closer probably for convenience and that I know about all too well my little slept with at least 6 other guys that I know of simply because they were closer and she used me to keep her emotions and self-esteem up I'm not saying it's happening to you I'm saying make sure you aren't being played good luck in your endeavors

[James.]

What you are feeling is not uncommon and is very natural. It can be extremely difficult to move past old relationships, and when someone from your past shows up suddenly, it can undo a lot of the work you have done to move on. I do not know the entire situation, all of what you are feeling, or how deep these feelings go. So, it is possible that I am reading further into this than what is really there. If that is the case, feel free to ignore my advice. But this sounds to me like the beginning of a mistake that I see all the time. So here is my advice to you:

 

I think what you really need to do is cut contact with this girl. Now that she has entered your life again, you may have thoughts of getting her back by being her shoulder to cry on, "saving her from her self," or other vague unproductive ideas. Do not entertain these thoughts for a second. As a Daddy, your first instinct is probably to be her knight in shining armor, but she is not yours to save. You have no obligations to care for this girl while getting nothing in return. And you aren't going to get anything in return. If she ends up contacting you again, it will be the same old story every time. She will need someone to comfort her and will know that you will always be there. Perhaps you will hear some form of "If only he was more like you" and you will wonder "Why not me then?" The truth is that it will never be you. You will just be her emotional tampon, forever picking up the pieces left by other men, but will never be anything more to her. She is not going to one day wake up and realize you are the one. And if something like that did magically happen, there's no telling how long it would take. Again, I understand that as a Daddy, your natural inclination is to help her however you can. But this will never be anything but toxic for you, and will only prevent you from moving on and finding happiness with someone else. So don't wait for her. Cut her out completely, so you can begin to move on and look for someone new. There really are plenty of fish in the sea, and these feelings you have for her now are nothing compared to what you will feel with the girl who is genuinely right for you. Find someone who you can truly call yours in the present, not some distant future. Those who wait around for love to happen to them, will end up waiting forever. 

[Lostinvoid]

I appreciate the advice and no your not wrong I instantly would of done about anything to help her ... as for the why comment new guy is vanilla and local it was the aspect of control . The things she asked for to offer her structure that she eventually rejected

. She never slept with others during but left me and did so quickly a random friend had one weekend and ofc she tells me all about it wrought with guilt that she did it .. in past six months beside that she had one date that went poorly and she cried on shoulder about and she jokingly said just move here and be with me .. now she in last month met this vanilla man who won't keep her happy cuz will let her run the show I'm sure she is the type u have to keep in her place because she enjoys the reminder ..your right I shouldn't speak to her but no one else is her I can't replace it and it's eating me up .. it wears on your strength of character ... again thanks for listening and replying

[Antoinette]

Dude I hate to sound harsh but you really do need to stop talking to her. By the way you're talking it seems like you're still way, way, waaaay more in love with her than she (ever) was with you. I'm not trying to be rude but just because this new partner of hers is vanilla doesn't mean he'll stay that way (if she has any idea how to communicate effectively, and tbh it doesn't sound like she does). She's dragging you along as a second option - maybe even further down than that. I hate to break it to you but I should hope that 'no one else is her' because she sounds manipulative and selfish. 

 

I know things like this are hard, from experience, but you have to tell yourself that it's just not worth the extra pain of being given false hope. There ARE better people out there, I 100% assure you that there are way better people out there who will love you and who you will love but for right now you need to focus on staying strong. Cut contact with her, it's going to be hard but it will be worth it - you're doing this for yourself. You are under no obligation to save her from herself or anyone else. If she's bored in her vanilla relationship then that's her problem - NOT YOURS. She left you. She wanted freedom and now she has it - it's not your problem if that freedom now bores her. Who's to say if she's a submissive it won't bore her yet again?

Once again I'm not trying to be rude but she sounds immature - extremely immature. It sounds like she can't make her mind up and she doesn't know what she wants and in the process she's hurting you and (most likely) this new 'vanilla' guy that she's with. That's selfish, it's manipulative and it's wrong. You and him both don't deserve that. I'm sorry but that's true.

 

I know it's hard to be strong right now but I promise you that you will get through this. The thing is you're only going to make it harder and more painful for yourself in the long run if you don't cut contact with her. It's the best option right now, hands down. If you ever, ever, ever need anybody to vent to please don't feel shy - message me.

Hope I helped a little.

Edited February 24, 2017 by xAntoinette

[Lostinvoid]

I don't argue anything u said but let me be clear she isn't looking for options from what I can see . She clearly stated when over that just didn't wanna lose our close bond we built due to fact she didn't wish romance and when I said no one is her I meant the parts that were good the way she cared for and about me helped to push me as I pushed her our connection was what I'm seeking but found it with wrong person I suppose and just very hard to leave behind what felt unique .. but I will take all u said to heart I alrdy told her I still love her enough to wish her happiness and that we can't be close again .. she was looking to keep in contact