Any other daddies go through this...?

February 23, 2017

So my wife and have been married 15 years this year. We realized a few years ago that she loves being told what to do and loves how I take such good care of her. At first we tried BDSM and she loves some bondage but does not like pain or being treated bad or being my slave. She loves to be cuddled, loves to have me dress her up and brush her hair, she likes to color and acts little when she is frustrated or pouty. She is not a self soothere. She has so many little traits I brought it up to her to see what she thinKs. At first she wasn't sure about any of it but after showing her how little she naturally acts and how I take care of her she has warmed up a lot to it? We think she is more of a middle because she doesn't like the paci and can be bratty. The question I have is I want this more than she does and she doesn't mind being little but can't seem to wrap get mind around it when I'm not at home or sometimes when I am home. I know she does it mostly for me because I love it and she likes some aspects of it but when I ask her to find what she likes about it she doesn't know how to change that. She is very independent but not around me and she is almost two different persons when I'm not around and when I am. I know she has a little side but not sure how to get her to let it out more often and have it be apart of who she is all day. Any advice? I'm not trying to force anything, I'm trying to let her find herself in this dynamic but I think she is so used to doing things for herself it's hard to give that up. She agrees with me that she should be able to give me everything but doesn't know how to do it. Any advice? I hope that all made sense.

February 23, 2017

Patience, communication, honesty, love.

If she has a hard time giving up control and she needs it but is afraid to, then start slow. It sounds like you have her best interest at heart so that is the first step.

Introduce small things like maybe sending her texts. Ask if she's eaten. Praise her for trusting you and being honest with you. It might take longer than you think, but a gentle, steady approach might be good for her. Her wall has to come down, and as a little with a huge wall of my own, I have to say even when we think we can trust someone that fear is still there. That wall was built out of self protection. It won't come down easy.

Hope this helps, though I was a tad bit confused. It almost sounds like she's independent alone but not with you? I probably understood wrong. :/

February 23, 2017

Patience, communication, honesty, love.

If she has a hard time giving up control and she needs it but is afraid to, then start slow. It sounds like you have her best interest at heart so that is the first step.

Introduce small things like maybe sending her texts. Ask if she's eaten. Praise her for trusting you and being honest with you. It might take longer than you think, but a gentle, steady approach might be good for her. Her wall has to come down, and as a little with a huge wall of my own, I have to say even when we think we can trust someone that fear is still there. That wall was built out of self protection. It won't come down easy.

Hope this helps, though I was a tad bit confused. It almost sounds like she's independent alone but not with you? I probably understood wrong. :/[/quote

She is a very independent woman and can be around me too but prefers to just snuggle up in my arms and feel protected. I would have to say that her liking how I take control and take care of her, which is like a CG and then other things like I said say to me she is a little but she never thought that and I never tried to be forceful about it but just show her gently how wonderful this lifestyle could be for her. Like I said she has opened up to it a lot but does not run to it when stressed or alone, she doesn't think about it when she is anxious but I usually can take it away after some time and then she warms up to it. I won't lie, I want her to want it as much as some of these other littles do when alone or just like being little most of the time. Have you always known you were a little or did someone introduce you to it or help you find your little side? You said you have a big wall, is it similar to hers? You don't always run to as the first thing? How do I get her to be more open to it and what advice would you have to helping her find her little side more? We obviously communicate about this a lot because I want to know what she wants out of this

February 23, 2017

My little side has been with me my whole life, interwoven into who I am. I flow in and out of it all the time, everyday, without giving it any thought. I only stumbled upon being a little a few months back from a friend who is in the community and told me about it, so I had a name for it. I also have a very independent, opinionated adult side to me. For me, my little side reduces my anxiety/stress the adult side of me, it's like a pressure release often, hence why I flow in an out the way I do. If she is struggling to be little when you aren't around, there are two thoughts I have for it (keep in mind I haven't had a daddy yet). One, you are her main 'on' switch for being little, your presence is what triggers the strongest little response for her, which in its own way is a good thing. Second is perhaps she has awkward feelings or feels ashamed or weird trying to be little by herself.

I have little stuff everywhere, one thing you could try asking her if she'd like to do is just put stuff around the house in small spaces like a toy, a stuffie, a coloring book, whatever she likes the most. Then while she's doing something like reading, pick up a stuffie or a toy and hold it. I'm interesting in that I can be little and adult at the same time, perhaps that is what she is struggling with. The more she incorporated small things without trying into daily life the more natural it becomes. Holding a stuffie watching a movie, coloring or reading a storybook. I also have a box that has my current favorite things I play with, it's fun for me to buy something new for it. Have you tried doing little things with her, like mini golf, arcade, shopping for little stuff (OMG I GET SOOO HAPPY GETTING NEW LITTLE STUFF!!! It' brings me right out into little space I get so excited.) Find out what excites her little, it's great to have a feeling of wanting a caregiver and being protected, something I want and don't have, but it sounds like she hasn't discovered the excited/joyful part of being a little. She could put her hair in braids, or partial pig tails, have a jammie day, suck her thumb, the thing is to explore. The more she explores things that are little and finds things that excite her and make her feel the childish glee over it the more of a happy place it will be for her.

I know a lot of little struggles to get into little space and/or out of it, which isn't my case, but I know I turn to my little side when my emotions are triggered, it's a very emotional state anyway, and sometimes as adults we need to be stable and responsible and all that, so for some I think it can feel negative to go to emotions, but I've found it very freeing. Ask her to join the site, to play with littles in the chat room (I'm always little there), to read things here and post herself. The more she engages in trying new things I think the more confident she'll feel.

February 23, 2017

She may or may not need to be little. I can't speak for every little, but it's a special kind of hell to be little and without a caregiver - if that's what you need. Some littles don't need anyone. Others can access their little space at will and others are just set up to it's whims. No matter how she is, she can't be forced to change. I don't know her so I can't make any judgements on this.

Since I don't know her I can't comment on her wall. I don't know why she needed to build it. The how and why are important. You'll have to communicate with her and see what she is afraid of. With this I wish you all the good kinds of luck and a pot of gold.

Me being little is ... mentally and emotionally terrifying. I never had the opportunity to be a kid, and I raised myself and my sisters. I've always been quite Pinkie Pie and folks just attributes that to me being "mother material". Still I was punished for bieng "too much (enter whatever here).

My parents also gaslighted us, so I grew up thinking I was, at my core, broken and mentally ill. I've attempted suicide multiple times because I thought I was so disgusting. So I can't emphasize enough to tell your wife that you accept her and love her. I might be projecting here :/ but I'll say it again : a little who's afraid of something can never be told enough how much they are loved and that they are safe, and hey friends are actually a good thing to have.

My wall only comes down when someone needs help. I never, ever, ever want someone to be hurt like I did and if I can help then my comfort level doesn't matter. Otherwise the wall is there, stronger than Fort Knox.

For getting her to be little. That is tricky. I don't know her. Does she like crafts? Does she sing? Does she like to roll around in mud and make mud pies and pretend to be an Earth Queen?

Encourage her little side. Cherish when she does things that she wants to do but is embarrass about. Reassure her you need her little side just as much as she does and you love her for both her adult and little side.

I agree with Isabelle. The chat room was instrumental in me being able to be little without guilt. I saw other littles and I could join in without being a freak. It's freeing.

February 23, 2017

My little side has been with me my whole life, interwoven into who I am. I flow in and out of it all the time, everyday, without giving it any thought. I only stumbled upon being a little a few months back from a friend who is in the community and told me about it, so I had a name for it. I also have a very independent, opinionated adult side to me. For me, my little side reduces my anxiety/stress the adult side of me, it's like a pressure release often, hence why I flow in an out the way I do. If she is struggling to be little when you aren't around, there are two thoughts I have for it (keep in mind I haven't had a daddy yet). One, you are her main 'on' switch for being little, your presence is what triggers the strongest little response for her, which in its own way is a good thing. Second is perhaps she has awkward feelings or feels ashamed or weird trying to be little by herself.

I have little stuff everywhere, one thing you could try asking her if she'd like to do is just put stuff around the house in small spaces like a toy, a stuffie, a coloring book, whatever she likes the most. Then while she's doing something like reading, pick up a stuffie or a toy and hold it. I'm interesting in that I can be little and adult at the same time, perhaps that is what she is struggling with. The more she incorporated small things without trying into daily life the more natural it becomes. Holding a stuffie watching a movie, coloring or reading a storybook. I also have a box that has my current favorite things I play with, it's fun for me to buy something new for it. Have you tried doing little things with her, like mini golf, arcade, shopping for little stuff (OMG I GET SOOO HAPPY GETTING NEW LITTLE STUFF!!! It' brings me right out into little space I get so excited.) Find out what excites her little, it's great to have a feeling of wanting a caregiver and being protected, something I want and don't have, but it sounds like she hasn't discovered the excited/joyful part of being a little. She could put her hair in braids, or partial pig tails, have a jammie day, suck her thumb, the thing is to explore. The more she explores things that are little and finds things that excite her and make her feel the childish glee over it the more of a happy place it will be for her.

I know a lot of little struggles to get into little space and/or out of it, which isn't my case, but I know I turn to my little side when my emotions are triggered, it's a very emotional state anyway, and sometimes as adults we need to be stable and responsible and all that, so for some I think it can feel negative to go to emotions, but I've found it very freeing. Ask her to join the site, to play with littles in the chat room (I'm always little there), to read things here and post herself. The more she engages in trying new things I think the more confident she'll feel.

Well put, thank you. I think your right that she may feel she has to be little at one time and an adult another but not at the same time. She is a stay at hime mom but hard working, with three kids and always doing something. But I notice when she is too busy or trying to do a lot she gets stressed and goes into"I have to do it all" mode which makes it worse for her. She naturally goes into a little mode that I see. She complains, pouts and when I take control it makes it better for her. Your also right that I think she feels funny trying it alone but I just suggest it because kids are gone and is just her and our infant son and I tell her to try it to see where she is at with it all. But I will talk to her about putting little things around the house. She has a Carebear but mostly used that at night but maybe I should get a couple of others and she loves to color. Maybe your right, if they are there in front of her maybe it will come out more naturally. One thing we both know she needs is structure. So one thing she has to do everyday she can (sometimes she is a sub teacher) she had to take an hour of personal time. I will keep playing with it, thanks for the input. Mind if I add you? I also made her an account and encouraging her to use it. Would you mind adding her?

February 23, 2017

Sounds like me! I have been working since a young age and am very serious, always concerned about making my money and getting shit done. Trust me she would love to be a full time little but it's hard to "let go" with all these responsibilities. Help her with those tasks so that she doesn't have Mich "adult" problems to care for and ends up having to sit back relax while you bring her some comfy PJ's run a bath put cartoons ect she'll eventually ease up

February 23, 2017

Sounds like me! I have been working since a young age and am very serious, always concerned about making my money and getting shit done. Trust me she would love to be a full time little but it's hard to "let go" with all these responsibilities. Help her with those tasks so that she doesn't have Mich "adult" problems to care for and ends up having to sit back relax while you bring her some comfy PJ's run a bath put cartoons ect she'll eventually ease up

I actually do those things already and she loves it but I think she has not quite found how this little side will fit in our busy lives.

February 23, 2017

She may or may not need to be little. I can't speak for every little, but it's a special kind of hell to be little and without a caregiver - if that's what you need. Some littles don't need anyone. Others can access their little space at will and others are just set up to it's whims. No matter how she is, she can't be forced to change. I don't know her so I can't make any judgements on this.

Since I don't know her I can't comment on her wall. I don't know why she needed to build it. The how and why are important. You'll have to communicate with her and see what she is afraid of. With this I wish you all the good kinds of luck and a pot of gold.

Me being little is ... mentally and emotionally terrifying. I never had the opportunity to be a kid, and I raised myself and my sisters. I've always been quite Pinkie Pie and folks just attributes that to me being "mother material". Still I was punished for bieng "too much (enter whatever here).

My parents also gaslighted us, so I grew up thinking I was, at my core, broken and mentally ill. I've attempted suicide multiple times because I thought I was so disgusting. So I can't emphasize enough to tell your wife that you accept her and love her. I might be projecting here :/ but I'll say it again : a little who's afraid of something can never be told enough how much they are loved and that they are safe, and hey friends are actually a good thing to have.

My wall only comes down when someone needs help. I never, ever, ever want someone to be hurt like I did and if I can help then my comfort level doesn't matter. Otherwise the wall is there, stronger than Fort Knox.

For getting her to be little. That is tricky. I don't know her. Does she like crafts? Does she sing? Does she like to roll around in mud and make mud pies and pretend to be an Earth Queen?

Encourage her little side. Cherish when she does things that she wants to do but is embarrass about. Reassure her you need her little side just as much as she does and you love her for both her adult and little side.

I agree with Isabelle. The chat room was instrumental in me being able to be little without guilt. I saw other littles and I could join in without being a freak. It's freeing.

Thank you for the input, she grew up in a good home and not a lot of big tails. I'm so sorry for what you went through and I'm sure your a better person because of it. She has her own personal struggles and I think my natural care giving attitude helped her trust me completely but I just need to help her feel more comfy with it. I hope she can add you guys to her account as you all have great advice.

February 23, 2017

Would aNY of you like to add her or she can add you? I'm sure she would love to hear from other littles that are close to her age and can help her find her little side. Her name is Princess and her daddyjames

February 23, 2017

It actually says princess and her daddyjame, for some reason the s was not on there when I made it.

February 23, 2017

I'm 36 years old and have two kids. She can add me, if she wants to

February 23, 2017

I'm 36 years old and have two kids. She can add me, if she wants to

Thanks, did someone introduce you to your little side or have you always known you are little?

February 23, 2017

You can add me.

One thing you could try with you as you said she likes routine is do routine little time but in a free way. Like start a little bedtime routine, you could read her a story while she holds a stuffie while you're in bed for instance. You can expand this as much as you want, a hello kitty toothbrush and you watch and make sure she gets evverrryyy tooth if you want, or a bath with bubbles and some toys, you could bathe her, that sort of thing. Virtually everything you can do and do do as an adult can have little influence or a twist to it, if you think about it and get creative.

I noticed in me the more "i have do all of these things on this list today" can drive a harder more A type personality, the trick is, you can still get it all done, but you can have fun with it! Cleaning the house, put on some Disney songs and dance a bit. Have a lollypop while you're writing out the bills, play with the bubbles doing dishes, make fun shapes of things while cooking or cook something little to go with the meal. Just because such and such needs to get done today doesn't mean it has to be forceful or unhappy, just budget time but remind her that life should be fun too, and often the more fun you have with the chore, the more uplifting your life can be and the less of a chore it seems to be.

February 23, 2017

You can add me.

One thing you could try with you as you said she likes routine is do routine little time but in a free way. Like start a little bedtime routine, you could read her a story while she holds a stuffie while you're in bed for instance. You can expand this as much as you want, a hello kitty toothbrush and you watch and make sure she gets evverrryyy tooth if you want, or a bath with bubbles and some toys, you could bathe her, that sort of thing. Virtually everything you can do and do do as an adult can have little influence or a twist to it, if you think about it and get creative.

I noticed in me the more "i have do all of these things on this list today" can drive a harder more A type personality, the trick is, you can still get it all done, but you can have fun with it! Cleaning the house, put on some Disney songs and dance a bit. Have a lollypop while you're writing out the bills, play with the bubbles doing dishes, make fun shapes of things while cooking or cook something little to go with the meal. Just because such and such needs to get done today doesn't mean it has to be forceful or unhappy, just budget time but remind her that life should be fun too, and often the more fun you have with the chore, the more uplifting your life can be and the less of a chore it seems to be.

Wonderful ideas, thanks. We do do bubble baths which she loves and I brush her hair and other things but your right maybe it needs to be a routine to her. She does have the tendency to get off track from it because she is not used to it maybe.

February 23, 2017

You can add me.

One thing you could try with you as you said she likes routine is do routine little time but in a free way. Like start a little bedtime routine, you could read her a story while she holds a stuffie while you're in bed for instance. You can expand this as much as you want, a hello kitty toothbrush and you watch and make sure she gets evverrryyy tooth if you want, or a bath with bubbles and some toys, you could bathe her, that sort of thing. Virtually everything you can do and do do as an adult can have little influence or a twist to it, if you think about it and get creative.

I noticed in me the more "i have do all of these things on this list today" can drive a harder more A type personality, the trick is, you can still get it all done, but you can have fun with it! Cleaning the house, put on some Disney songs and dance a bit. Have a lollypop while you're writing out the bills, play with the bubbles doing dishes, make fun shapes of things while cooking or cook something little to go with the meal. Just because such and such needs to get done today doesn't mean it has to be forceful or unhappy, just budget time but remind her that life should be fun too, and often the more fun you have with the chore, the more uplifting your life can be and the less of a chore it seems to be.

So you found that you started to enjoy being little more as you did everyday chores and things with a little twist to them. Created a routine?

February 24, 2017

I was born being a little, it's totally innate within me and will never go away even when I'm 80 if I reach that age, I've never been without it. I just 'enjoy' chores more when I make it little fun ^.^ The more you can add a little aspect to everything you do even in a small way the more natural it feels. Perhaps your wife feels it's unnatural as an adult to engage in some little behaviors, but with everything the more you do it the more natural it feels. For me, life as a little is about joy and fun and being special, everything my adult life generally is not. As a little I can be a princess who wants a prince and can shun all the adult ideals of you need to be a strong, capable, independent adult who can take care of herself. Often little ideas and behaviors are in direct opposition of what the adult inside is told by society or sometimes even believes themselves, and that's where I personally believe in my opinion conflicts internally can arise and can cause adults to have difficulties in being little.

February 24, 2017

I was born being a little, it's totally innate within me and will never go away even when I'm 80 if I reach that age, I've never been without it. I just 'enjoy' chores more when I make it little fun ^.^ The more you can add a little aspect to everything you do even in a small way the more natural it feels. Perhaps your wife feels it's unnatural as an adult to engage in some little behaviors, but with everything the more you do it the more natural it feels. For me, life as a little is about joy and fun and being special, everything my adult life generally is not. As a little I can be a princess who wants a prince and can shun all the adult ideals of you need to be a strong, capable, independent adult who can take care of herself. Often little ideas and behaviors are in direct opposition of what the adult inside is told by society or sometimes even believes themselves, and that's where I personally believe in my opinion conflicts internally can arise and can cause adults to have difficulties in being little.

I totally agree, like I said she loves many things that are little like, like coloring, cute outfits, bows, cuddles and is open to other things so I think your right just need to make it more routine in our life. I am a very passive person but love being her daddydom and know that's something I have to change.

February 24, 2017

A thought came to mind that maybe if you exert more daddy dom on her when you aren't around, it might give her less of a need to be independent when you're gone. For instance having some rules for when you're away, texting her often to check up on what she's doing, and she better get that picture colored by the time daddy gets home! There are also other fun things like underwear vibrators I want to try someday, you hold the on/off switch whenever you are, and randomly can turn it on for however long you want. She could have set times when she's supposed to send you a text kiss or she could write you a poem, you could have a "Daddy's Rules" sign/poster/paper in a closet or drawer posted up she could use/look at. Maybe having the feeling of your influence more when you aren't directly with her could help her be more little while you're away if that's what she wants.

February 24, 2017

I want to try to do rules and thought the same thing. I just need to do it. We both have busy lives, I work full time and run a shirt printing business and she is a stay at home mom of 3 but while the kids are at school I think she should have time to do these things I just need to add that twist you talked about. Thank you

February 28, 2017

My little side has been with me my whole life, interwoven into who I am. I flow in and out of it all the time, everyday, without giving it any thought. I only stumbled upon being a little a few months back from a friend who is in the community and told me about it, so I had a name for it. I also have a very independent, opinionated adult side to me. For me, my little side reduces my anxiety/stress the adult side of me, it's like a pressure release often, hence why I flow in an out the way I do. If she is struggling to be little when you aren't around, there are two thoughts I have for it (keep in mind I haven't had a daddy yet). One, you are her main 'on' switch for being little, your presence is what triggers the strongest little response for her, which in its own way is a good thing. Second is perhaps she has awkward feelings or feels ashamed or weird trying to be little by herself.

I have little stuff everywhere, one thing you could try asking her if she'd like to do is just put stuff around the house in small spaces like a toy, a stuffie, a coloring book, whatever she likes the most. Then while she's doing something like reading, pick up a stuffie or a toy and hold it. I'm interesting in that I can be little and adult at the same time, perhaps that is what she is struggling with. The more she incorporated small things without trying into daily life the more natural it becomes. Holding a stuffie watching a movie, coloring or reading a storybook. I also have a box that has my current favorite things I play with, it's fun for me to buy something new for it. Have you tried doing little things with her, like mini golf, arcade, shopping for little stuff (OMG I GET SOOO HAPPY GETTING NEW LITTLE STUFF!!! It' brings me right out into little space I get so excited.) Find out what excites her little, it's great to have a feeling of wanting a caregiver and being protected, something I want and don't have, but it sounds like she hasn't discovered the excited/joyful part of being a little. She could put her hair in braids, or partial pig tails, have a jammie day, suck her thumb, the thing is to explore. The more she explores things that are little and finds things that excite her and make her feel the childish glee over it the more of a happy place it will be for her.

I know a lot of little struggles to get into little space and/or out of it, which isn't my case, but I know I turn to my little side when my emotions are triggered, it's a very emotional state anyway, and sometimes as adults we need to be stable and responsible and all that, so for some I think it can feel negative to go to emotions, but I've found it very freeing. Ask her to join the site, to play with littles in the chat room (I'm always little there), to read things here and post herself. The more she engages in trying new things I think the more confident she'll feel.

You are me in a nutshell. I've been a babygirl even when I dated vanilla men and had no idea my nature in relationships is actually a kink

I have yet to have a daddy as well.

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