Dominatrix Question

[Kawaii-Vampiress]

So I expressed to my boyfriend that I am interested in trying BDSM with him.

We've experimented already with handcuffs, and love and trust each other to

try to take it to the next level.

 

However, I am looking to be the Dom... but, I feel a bit awkward... I mean, we're

both equally dominant in our relationship, but there are times I feel like he's just

chasing the orgasm/or he takes over when I am Dom. 

 

So I've wanted there to be times where I am truly in charge, where he doesn't take

over. (He really is such a kind, loving and sweet individual, but this aspect frustrates me.

Especially since my libido is much higher than his.)

 

I've wanted to try being in the role of a Dominatrix- and he said that he's fine trying

it. I just don't want to go over-the-top, so to speak, but I also want to be able to stay

in control, without being shy about it. I love him so much, I want to help take care of

him, but I also want our special moment to be fun and last as long as possible. 

 

Any input would be most appreciated. Thank you.

 

(I hope I am asking in the right place, a dear friend of mine, who's in a D/Lg relationship

recommended this as a safe site for me to ask such questions.)

Edited February 20, 2017 by Kawaii-Vampiress

[DollDirector]

Some existing threads here deal with the subject of who really is the dom,how sometimes switches occur; How sometimes daddy doms are in fact taken advantage of.

I think your subject is quite different; Are you somehow inventing the dominatrix little ? I had never heard of this,but perhaps others have experience,let's wait for comments. The BDSM tests that exist outside of this site can indeed allow for various mixtures in someone's profile.

 

 

You seem to be in fact asking a very technical question; At this time it is not (DDlg discussion) in the right place,a mod will perhaps move it to sexual topics.

[alotalittle]

Dominant littles do exist (and are even a somewhat popular fantasy if you ever come across sites like literotica.com).

 

From the sounds of it, you want to switch things up (pun intended) and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. My partner and I are both switches and have done a lot of reading and experimenting with it together. You say that you are interested in BDSM, but that you haven't delved into it as a dynamic outside of some smaller experimentation (i.e. the handcuffs). I'm going to assume that he's interested as well. The main issue that I see from you post is that you don't mention very much communication? What specific aspects of BDSM have you two talked about? While handcuffs are fun, they are merely the tip of the iceberg that is the world of BDSM. There's lots of different dynamics pertaining to BDSM and different people prefer different things. I highly suggest you both spend some time talking about the different things you'd like to try and discuss them more deeply before you try them. This will give you both more ideas of how to better fulfill each other's (and your own) fantasies and, in my opinion, it's a huge turn on to talk to my partner about what sex things we want to do and/or try.

 

Onto your other issue, which is the length of time you spend having sex. I can relate to this in the sense that my partner is also the lower libido partner in my relationship and oftentimes when he's in the mood, it's been long enough that he's dying to just have an orgasm. This can be frustrating when I'm not in the mood for a quickie. I have found that me taking on the dominant role in times like that is super helpful in extending the duration of sex. I have control of over how long I spend on foreplay, I have more control over his orgasm(s), and I control the overall pace of things. However, he knows that when I'm in the dominant role (or he's in the dominant role), we don't switch in the middle of sex unless we both can feel a shift in mood. You may want to discuss with your partner that when you're the one being dominant, you don't want him to undermine that and take over. In addition to that, you may simply want to discuss that you want more foreplay and more opportunity to give each other pleasure. Say that the sex is so damn good that you can't stand not having more time to do it. 

 

The last thing I want to add is that for most people, sex lasts about 7 minutes. Try not to time it too much. That's definitely a mood killer. If I timed it every time my partner and I had sex, I'd see a huge variety (our sex can last anywhere from 5 mins to over an hour). Sometimes it's the quickies that are the hottest (those moments when we can't keep our hands off each other and we just have to have sex right then and there as quickly as possible to satisfy that need) and sometimes it's the long stretches of enjoying each other to the fullest that are the hottest (there's just something about giving him multiple orgasms that pushes my buttons).

[BigCityLittleGirl]

I was actually a professional Com for 2 years so feel free to pm me with other questions!

To truly be a com you need his consent as a slave. Plan out a "scene" for you guys to act out which leaves you in charge and doesn't give him room to take control. Maybe he doesn't realize he's doing that as it could just be a natural reaction