(Long post) New unconfident daddy, Long distance relationship, nonsexual, questions

[FarawayTeacher]

Hi, I've recently gotten into a relationship with someone online, we've been friends since mid september/early october last year and we grew quite close over the months. Early on in our friendship, I must've done something incredibly right, because he shows that he feels safe around me and trusts me. He's told me his secrets, insecurities, interests, and even admitted he's into verbal(?) DDlb.

 

Anyway, I tried my best to learn more but it's difficult to find answers for my particular situation.

 

I have never been a dominant guy, or I've never thought so, and my little boy is expecting that. He said when we first started dating that I needed to set rules for him,and I'm unsure how to do that for a Non-sexual/LDR(it's mainly flirting haha). I'm a big softie when I talk to him, I call him cute a lot and ask about his likes/dislikes, and I've realized how protective I am too. But, I'm not restrictive or a "bossy" dude and i also don't want to force it. I just want him to be satisfied and happy.

 

He's also informed me he's a "bratty type", so this also confuses me.

 

How does setting rules work in my position? and How do I bring them up? Can I start with something basic, like his eating habits?(he doesnt eat vegetables or fruits and it's concerning). Please help me get started.

[Guest]

You could start with very basic things like you must eat at least 1/2 cup of veggies / fruit and if you don't then no sweets the next day. Making sure he is drinking enough water , brushing his teeth , showering at least every other day. It can be stuff he is always doing but being a sub and being told you need to do it gives us that excited feeling of doing well.

 

I hope this helps a little

Edited February 15, 2017 by Arya

[Guest]

ALSO check this link out, lots more details and good info 

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/12727-a-starting-point-for-rules-rewards-punishments/

[EdwardScissorHands]

Same situation with my little girl. Caring is in my nature, so is leading, the discipline and rules are what's not easy. I'm also starting with rules, and a list of what we both want out of this relationship, and what we don't want happening. That kinda feels like a good foundation to build something on.

[Antoinette]

From what I can tell the confusion is coming from misconceptions and what you think DDlb has to be. To be a DD (Daddy Dom) you don't have to be the bossy, mean Dominant type. Yes, while 'dom' or 'dominant' is literally in the name of DD it doesn't mean that you have to fit a certain preconceived idea of what a dom should be.

 

In my opinion being a daddy isn't as much about being dominant as it is nurturing. You help your little grow and develop as a person, you guide them, look after them, protect them - make them feel safe! You can do all of this without being 'mean' or super 'dominant', you can also set rules in a non bossy way. Make your little know that the rules are there because you care about him and want him to thrive. The rules could be health/exercise related, school/work, sleep/relaxation. It really just depends on what you'd like to make rules on. (e.g. drink 1ltr of water per day, eat 3 different fruits, etc.). An app that is AMAZING for this kind of stuff is OurHome, it allows you to make 'tasks' (which are basically rules) - when a task is completed the person receives points and you can even set rewards. So rather than setting punishments for not doing tasks/following rules (which I feel perhaps makes some littles feel like the punishments are there because they feel as though their DD must know they're set for failure) you set rewards for good behavior, which gives the little incentive to do as their told.

 

A brat is a playful sub, so basically someone who likes to push their dominants limits. Some doms like this, some have the urge to 'tame' this and others don't mind but know where to draw the line. I think it's best to be lenient but make sure boundaries are set - if he becomes too bratty then even a simple ''who do you think you're talking to little one?'' or ''why are you being such a brat for daddy?'' would do the trick. 

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Hi there! Bratty little at your service!

 

So I'm bratty. I push Daddy's buttons. A lot. This doesn't mean I break the rules he has for me. I call him silly names, one day I told him no to something silly and stuck my tongue out and ran away, I get playful/tease in public, he isn't ticklish unless he's super-duper tired and then he wants no part of it so sometimes I try to tickle him when he's sleepy. I'm playful and quiet enjoy this side of myself. I also need rules though... no rules for me would mean I would be acting crazy all the time! As a bratty little, rules are what tell me when something is going to go too far.

 

Rules can absolutely be basic. Eat fruits and veggies, drink water, self care taks. Punishments can be simple, no sweets, no tv, no internet time, really whatever the two of you decide. I suggest you ask him what rules he wants, and what punishments he believes are fair and go from there.