Switch and little relationships

[Kitty22228]

Hey So me and my daddy have Beene going through some issues lately And one of them is about our roles. I am a little and he has recently told me he is a switch but he never wanted me to know. He knows I'm not a dom and the one time I try to Be I freaked out and had an anxiety attack go figure right. Lately he's been going into his space more with me and Idk how to act he wants me to keep acting like he's my dom and to call him daddy but when he's in his space I view him as a little which upsets him and idk what to do. I'm not comfortable being a dom and i really don't know what to do for him when he's in his space usually when he's in his space he talks to his ex who's also his best friend but that's a different story lol. So I guess I need advice on what to do when we're in that situation because I Dont want to make him feel uncomfortable but i don't want too be either.

[alotalittle]

My partner and I are both switches, so I have some experience in this. I'm going to tell you something that you probably don't want to hear.

 

You need to have a very difficult and very uncomfortable, adult conversation with him. You might even need to have several of them. You both must communicate what your needs are, what your wants are, and areas that you think you can compromise on. During the conversation, you shouldn't be interrupting each other, but you both should be asking questions and not jumping to conclusions. If at any point, the conversation seems to be turning into an argument, then you should agree to take a break, think about things, and return to the conversation later. 

 

You seem unclear as to what he feels when he's in his submissive space and it seems that he's not communicated that to you. That's a huge talking point. If he doesn't see himself as a little, then he's going to be upset when you treat him like one. However, if you don't know anything about his submissive space, then you only have your own experiences to base your reactions on. You say you are incapable of being dominant (so much so that it gives you anxiety attacks), this is another huge talking point. He may or may not feel like he needs someone to be his dom, but if he does need it, there are only three options: 1. You somehow work out a way to be his dom sometimes and become comfortable/enjoy being a switch, 2. He's allowed to have a dom outside of your relationship either online or in person or both, or 3. You split up because needs are not being properly met. And the third huge talking point I see in your post, is that he's talking to his ex/best friend while in his submissive space. Are these conversations sexual and/or romantic in nature? Did you agree to this? Are you comfortable with this? 

 

Communication is key. It's not easy, but it's the only thing that can bring any solutions to your problem.

[gracelaced]

When my daddy told me that he wanted to try being a little it was very hard for me to accept because i didn't think that i could be a dom but slowly i've been getting more and more into "mommy space" rather than a dom mindset. Now I'll gladly let him be a little if he needs it because I know that its hard being the mature one all the time. I think you just need time to work things out

[Lunababy0721]

So my partner and I are switches and recently he has been breaking the rules that we made for him and he is up to 10 punishments because I don't know what to do for said punishments. I'm hoping that someone can help me on giving me suggestions. The rule he has been breaking alot is not telling me nite nite for we have a long distance relationship, and he has barely been talking to me or spending time with me. As me being little more often lately I feel like he doesn't want anything to do with me and is so focused on his ex more and more. I feel like I'm losing him. 

[Guest ArtyDaddy]

5 hours ago, Lunababy0721 said:

So my partner and I are switches and recently he has been breaking the rules that we made for him and he is up to 10 punishments because I don't know what to do for said punishments. I'm hoping that someone can help me on giving me suggestions. The rule he has been breaking alot is not telling me nite nite for we have a long distance relationship, and he has barely been talking to me or spending time with me. As me being little more often lately I feel like he doesn't want anything to do with me and is so focused on his ex more and more. I feel like I'm losing him. 

talk to him openly about how you feel... emotional distance is often a coping mechanism for when things aren't going right in our lives... try not to think of his ex i know that's easier said than done, but jealousy is a terrible feeling and it often leads to anger.

As for punishments, it really depends on what you're comfortable with. What helps me is making a list, an actual written list with punishments for various "crimes" or just general ones. I would first talk to him though, breaking the rules can be him acting out for the lack of punishments and feeling like his part is neglected.

 

General easy and light punishments i use are for example, denying screentime, no sweets/treats, writing lines... but i believe a punishment should be rather personal, denying something that he likes as a light punishment.

[beanbean]

As a switch can relate a little to your partner but yes the best thing you can do is talk it out figure it out both your need and make a plan so all needs get meant . maybe your partner needs a platonic care giver or something . But just talk to each other