How to get him more dominant?

[Guest ASerpent]

Hi,

 

as I already wrote, I am just trying to 'push' my husband into the ddlg direction. It really works quite good, I guess. I am just taking small steps and it comes out quite good.

 

But I don't know how to push him into a more dominant way. I hope you know what I mean. Sometimes he acts in a dominant way, so he is capable of it and seems to like it. Is there something I can do or say to guide him towards being more dominant?

 

I really appreciate any advice

Edited February 10, 2017 by ASerpent

[lilsnoopy]

Tell him what you want. In any relationship, not just dd/lg, both parties should tell the other about their needs/wants. Its the easiest way to get positive changes in the relationship. Maybe say, "I want to be more submissive to you, be more dominant." or "I want you to be more in control sometimes." 

 

Also you can try boosting his confidence. Confidence and feeling dominant tend to go hand in hand (from what i've seen).

[Guest ASerpent]

The thing is, I guess he wouldn't like it to be labeled at that point with "I like you to be more dominant." I have to go really slow on things. When things go to quick, he is often overwhelmed. It works a lot through hints at that point. So I wonder if I could get him into being dominant without directly ask him for it. Edited February 10, 2017 by ASerpent

[alotalittle]

I totally agree with lilsnoopy about boosting his confidence. Compliment him more. Give him praise. Reward him when he's acting more dominant/in charge/in control/etc.

 

The best way to get a partner to do things you want/like/need without having to ask is through positive reinforcement. When he does something that you really like, tell/show him right then and there how pleased it makes you and how wonderful he is when he does that thing. Try to tell/show him in the moment because that's what sends to strongest reinforcer to that specific behavior (i.e. your partner telling you how stunning you look the moment they see you is much more powerful than them telling you the next day how stunning you looked yesterday). Go out of your way to do things that are special rewards to him whenever he's giving you the special things that you want (in your case, being dominant).

 

It sounds like he's already doing a lot of things you enjoy, so just keep building on that.

[LittleGirlEmilia]

My partner is very dominant... but he doesn't want to hurt me or thinks I'm too cute to punish. (HAH!)

 

So this question has gone through my head as well, I've reassured him loads of times, he isn't going to hurt me or step over a line, in the relationship and the bedroom. It's baby steps really. I've tried positive reinforcements and stuff, they work a little bit, but you have to keep reminding your partner, at least in my experience... so I've just decided to wait for him to get more comfortable. It's been 7 months and it's a slow progress, I guess?

[Guest ASerpent]

Yes, it is really really slow here too. I'm only trying for about a month now, so it's still a long way to go I guess. I'm still waiting for the point where I can really talk to him or let him know in another way (maybe an email) about Ddlg.

 

Most of the small steps seem to work, so I was wondering if I'm doing something wrong about the dominance thing. That's why I was asking how to send better hints about wanting to be dominated.

[Frog]

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. You may feel that way because you want things to move faster. That's not bad, though.

 

If he's from a more vanilla background it may be similar to Barbie's situation. He may be concerned that he'll hurt your feelings or your body. Sometimes there's a sort of learning curve, where even a dom has to learn that previous out-of-bounds things are now OK.

 

I agree with the others about boosting his ego a bit. Too often people forget doms need to hear that, whether dom, daddy/mommy, or master/mistress.

 

Because you're concerned about overwhelming him, maybe you introduce one thing at a time. Don't jump right into all the rules, but a couple at a time.

Edited February 10, 2017 by Frog

[Guest ASerpent]

Thank you for your advice

 

Do you have any ideas how to express being more submissive to him? I was wondering if it's maybe a combination of both. Your advice plus being more submissive to him. How could I do that?

Edited February 11, 2017 by ASerpent

[Guest Princessaj]

Hi, thanks for reaching out. I always like to GIVE him control. By "give" I mean I become less capable. I am very able to take care of everything in my life, but what fun is that? Ask for help!

 

Women have murdered the HERO in men! Men are made by God to help, protect and provide for us. Do things so he feels like your Hero. Just giving him compliments doesnt stick. You have to give him the experience of being a Hero. He has to engage in the act of being AND doing.

 

Set him up to WIN. Men are competitive with themselves. Every little girl request becomes like him going on a mission. He is your 007 and you are his Bond babe. Make it a game for you and a challenge for him. Figure out interesting things for him to do so he comes out the Winner. Use your little to bring out his BRAVE, SMART, CLEVER...all the things that makes him feel good. When men feel good about themselves they naturally want to puff out their chest and BE DOMINENT. That is how God made them.

 

From little things..."Daddy that shelf is too high, would you please get that for me? To asking him to make decisions for you and for you both as a couple. Make him shine during Sexy Time. Tell him he Rocked your World by doing that strong more forceful thing that you like and if he is not doing it ask him to then compliment him. Be creative in how you take everyday things and put him in charge.

 

Making him your Hero is winning for the both of you. Hugs!

[Guest ASerpent]

>> Every little girl request becomes like him going on a mission. <<

 

This is so much him it's so true. Whatever I ask him, he sees himself in need to solve it. Like a mission, yes

 

Thank you for giving so many good suggestions.

[MonsieurSerge]

Hi, thanks for reaching out. I always like to GIVE him control. By "give" I mean I become less capable. I am very able to take care of everything in my life, but what fun is that? Ask for help!

 

Women have murdered the HERO in men! Men are made by God to help, protect and provide for us. Do things so he feels like your Hero. Just giving him compliments doesnt stick. You have to give him the experience of being a Hero. He has to engage in the act of being AND doing.

 

Set him up to WIN. Men are competitive with themselves. Every little girl request becomes like him going on a mission. He is your 007 and you are his Bond babe. Make it a game for you and a challenge for him. Figure out interesting things for him to do so he comes out the Winner. Use your little to bring out his BRAVE, SMART, CLEVER...all the things that makes him feel good. When men feel good about themselves they naturally want to puff out their chest and BE DOMINENT. That is how God made them.

 

From little things..."Daddy that shelf is too high, would you please get that for me? To asking him to make decisions for you and for you both as a couple. Make him shine during Sexy Time. Tell him he Rocked your World by doing that strong more forceful thing that you like and if he is not doing it ask him to then compliment him. Be creative in how you take everyday things and put him in charge.

 

Making him your Hero is winning for the both of you. Hugs!

Princessaj's answer is golden, that's exactly how the male ego works!  I don't know if you are a Christian, but I highly recommend the book "Wild at Heart".  It is not about dominance, but about reclaiming the soul of a man.

[HeCallsMePrincess]

i mostly agree with princessaj up there. if you want him to be more dominant, LET him be more dominant. truly submitting is much more difficult than it seems, but giving him that will help speed things along, i imagine.