Wife just told me she has a Daddy, now what?

[Mattyice]

My wife just told me that she has had a daddy for some time, and I am not sure how to react, I want to support her, but I am some what conflicted.

[Hurndauke]

Try and work things out to the best of your ability, maybe try and understand her end of the story? Otherwise, I'm not really sure.

[Mattyice]

Is it normal for a wife to have a Daddy and a husband?

[Guest Stevecarr998]

I have heard of it but usually before she goes ahead with it.

 

Sorry to ask this but is it just platonic or sexual

 

If the latter I'd be very worried

[Mattyice]

So I am obviously confused and I have a lot of questions. She said that that have never met and communicate via text, phone, and pictures, sexual yes? But not physical. Is this a form of cheating? Is this a normal DD/LG relationship? We have kids and have been married for quite some time

[HeCallsMePrincess]

my concern in this is that she wasnt comfortable with talking to you about it beforehand and also that she lied to you by seeking out any kind of relationship with another man.

[Guest Loki]

If it isn't sexual I say talk to her. Gently probe her and see if maybe you could be Daddy. But know this might not be salvable. She might want out altogether. Or she might just need a Daddy who isn't sexual and have him separate from her husband. You won't know till you talk to her.

 

If she felt the need to hide it from you and it's sexual, then she cheated on you. Take care of yourself.

 

No matter what happens be honest and don't let her actions deter you from love. Try and be calm. Getting worked up never helps the situation.

[LonDomDad]

It's your relationship, you & her define what's cheating, not some strangers on the internet.  Someone did that to me, I'd view it as cheating & react accordingly (dump them).

[Princess-P]

If her having a Daddy was without your permission its cheating. Even if its non sexual it is an emotional relationship. Its also a power exchange which takes trust and a deep level of care. Absolute cheating if she did not have your permission.

 

Is this normal? Not at all. There are poly relationships however yours doesn't sound like one and even if it were this would not have been a secret from you.

 

My suggestion is marriage counseling. And cut ties with this internet man she has a outside relationship with. What's concerning is that she didn't come to you with her needs. She should trust you and be able to talk to you. Cheating is never the answer and manynpeople can't get past it but some can with the right kind of professional help. Sweeping it under the rug or allowing her to continue the relationship when it started as a lie won't help.

[Mikaitaku]

yes, it is cheating unless you both happen to be into polygamy. It will be up to you what you do, if you can't trust your wife than it might be best to cut ties with her. 

[Guest buddhagirl]

So I am obviously confused and I have a lot of questions. She said that that have never met and communicate via text, phone, and pictures, sexual yes? But not physical. Is this a form of cheating? Is this a normal DD/LG relationship? We have kids and have been married for quite somD

I'm really sorry this has happened to you.

Did you have an agreement that she could pursue having a Daddy? If not, it's cheating. If it doesn't bother you, then it doesn't really matter, but if it does bother you, then you have every right to be hurt, confused or upset. I find it quite amazing that your first reaction was to try to support her. If you have children, I would take some time to try to figure out how you feel and if the relationship can be repaired, and respect and trust rebuilt. I, too, am married with kids (my husband is my one and only love and Daddy) so I know how much you have invested in this relationship working. Good luck!

Edited February 9, 2017 by buddhagirl

[LittleGirlEmilia]

My wife just told me that she has had a daddy for some time, and I am not sure how to react, I want to support her, but I am some what conflicted.

I am so sorry this has happened to you! You need to communicate with her, if you're not in a polygamy relationship and you didn't know about it, the common sense points to cheating right there. See a counselor, she should know how wrong it is to be disloyal, even if it is just an emotional relationship.

 

And after you've gone through counseling and built trust back up, you two could maybe start a DDLG relationship?

 

She might even want that from you, she might want you to be her daddy, make her stop talking to the other one and force down rules and punishments?

 

If it were me, I'd dump them and I've dumped before for the same situation, but I've never been married and I know it's harder to do then.

[BigCityLittleGirl]

I definitely consider it cheating bc she was not honest with you.

If she wants a daddy then YOU be her daddy. Order her to cut off this other dude and take charge of your wife! She has no right to wander for affection when she has already made a commitment to you! If she doesn't want to do cut him off or have you be the daddy then I'd definitely recommend counseling. Sexual or not, she his it from you and that is not right.

[Aqu45]

Ummmm not to sound mean but if she has a Daddy and you didn't know about it I think that's still cheating...ddlg is very emotional as well as physical even if they didn't have sex or even meet it just isn't right for her to do that...

[Guest countlieberkuhn]

It sounds like cheating to me - I wouldn't be happy with it.  If you aren't a polyamorous couple, then she shouldn't really be doing this.

 

You obviously seem to be a well-meaning guy since you came here for help rather than letting things get worse by not understanding the dynamic.  Which is good since you have kids to think about too.

 

I suggest finding out why she needs a Daddy elsewhere.  She obviously needs something that she's not currently getting from your relationship with her, but did the wrong thing by seeking out someone else rather than talking to you to see if you can change your dynamic to meet her needs.

 

There's no reason you can't be a Daddy and a husband.

[jellicle baby]

any relationship can be dd/lg, whether or not it's an act of infidelity. It can still be if it is, only now it's as wrong as the people infield involved consider cheating, which this is, depending on your definition of cheating.