Advice for struggling with abusive daddy

[LittleOne]

Recently I left my dom because of things he did to me and I'm wondering if I should be involved in ddlg at all. I was fine with punishments and everything but is it normal for daddies to yell at you and not take no for an answer? I loved him but finding a new daddy/ mommy will be really hard for me and I'm just wanting advice and support. Is it worth it to continue with relationships?

[LR_360]

I believe personally that it's ultimately up to your decision, but from what I see here, the not taking no for an answer is probably the concerning factor. I guess you just have to try to find a daddy Dom that suits your tastes, and make sure there are clear and established rules beforehand, like the level of strictness/discipline.

 

I know that you said finding a new daddy/mommy will be hard for you, but are you open to the idea of trying to find someone else? I think that'll probably be the best way to forget about that bad experience and move forward" I'm sure there's a lot of great does that you can find here who aren't abusive but still strict (hint, I'm one of Em lol)

 

If you wanna chat more in depth, there's always kik or we can try to message here!

 

Hope this helps!

[Princess-P]

The fact that your not sure if its OK for someone to ignore your "no" or wondering if its normal to be yelled at is saying more about yourself then you may realize.

 

Never in any kind of relationship are either if these things OK. If your not sure if that's OK you might want to take a break from trying to find a partner. There are some things you need to learn about yourself before your ready for someone else. Otherwise you may fall victim to another asshole.

 

Don't rebound. That's the worst thing you can do. Don't get I volved with anyone who tries to use comforting you as a means to get closer. Or someone who compares themselves to this former asshole to make themself look better.

 

CG/l is no different than any other relationship when it comes to right and wrong. If it makes you sad/ uncomfortable/ feel bad/ anything negative then its wrong.

[Guest Appacheian]

My god this was so wrong. I'm sorry you've been hurt. Under no circumstances alllow yourself to be treated like this. If you want to talk you are welcome to message me.

[Princess-P]

I believe personally that it's ultimately up to your decision, but from what I see here, the not taking no for an answer is probably the concerning factor. I guess you just have to try to find a daddy Dom that suits your tastes, and make sure there are clear and established rules beforehand, like the level of strictness/discipline.

I know that you said finding a new daddy/mommy will be hard for you, but are you open to the idea of trying to find someone else? I think that'll probably be the best way to forget about that bad experience and move forward" I'm sure there's a lot of great does that you can find here who aren't abusive but still strict (hint, I'm one of Em lol)

If you wanna chat more in depth, there's always kik or we can try to message here!

Hope this helps!

This user is suggesting you should find someone else in order to "move on" because that's the "best way". They also talk themselves up and offer to chat with you privately via Kik. This screams red flag. Don't fall for this.

[Spooky]

Finding a new partner and cultivating a new relationship is hard. It will always be hard. 

 

You owe it to yourself to be single and free from an abusive relationship. 

It is NEVER worth it to stay an abusive relationship. 

 

It is NEVER worth it to rush into a new relationship because being alone sucks. 

 

It is ALWAYS worth it to be on your own, love and take care of yourself, everything else will fall into place. 

[Mikaitaku]

no it is not normal to yell and not take no for an answer. being a daddy/mommy does not give the right to do whatever you want to someone no means no and a good daddy/mommy would not do anything their little or potential little did not want to or was uncomfortable with doing. 

 

I agree with Princess-P in both of her post, anyone telling you to just jump back in should raise all sorts of alarms and red flags.

 

Getting past a relationship gone back takes time and you should take as much time as you need to heal. 

 

in the mean time there are lots of people here for you to talk to when you are down, especially in chat.

[Barbie Lumina]

After my abusive vanilla relationship I was a little all by myself, thought I healed after a year, my daddy found me, I wasn't looking just focusing on my career... then we had our first arguement and I instinctively covered my head and curled up waiting to be hit, that's when we both realized I wasn't quite over the trauma of it all..

 

My partner/daddy plays a major part in my life everyday reminding me that he isn't going to be mean, even ifs it's just making me a hot chocolate or playing with my face, I trust him with my life, we've been together 7 months so it's been nearly two years since that violent relationship and I'm still healing...

 

So keeping all that in mind, my advice for you is to think how you're going to cope, focus on yourself, get where you want to be and when you're ready, you'll know. Right now, I seriously think you should avoid relationships and be little you for now, don't avoid the DDLG lifestyle, just relationships.

[Frog]

I agree with the others that since you're wondering if you should bother, that is a hint that you're not fine with that. I think you should be honest with yourself and not take that from anyone, whether a daddy, boyfriend, friend, or even acquaintance. Don't worry about if it'll be hard finding anyone. You deserve to take your time and find the right one.

[Little.Sophie]

Part of being a Daddy/Mommy is understanding your little enough to never put her/him in a situation where they need to say no. If you ever feel like your CG is putting you in a situation you don't feel comfortable with, or you feel endangered in - and you're not allowed to tell him how you feel and find a solution to it, then you are in an abusive relationship, not a CG/l relationship.

There are a lot of misguided "Daddies" around who think it's okay to disregard boundaries because of the nature of the relationship. Completely disregarding boundaries is never okay. Period. This is abuse and can cause a lot of physical and mental harm, depending on what you're doing it could even be fatal. Healthy communication is key to any relationship. Finding a Daddy who understands this -and behaves accordingly- is rare but so worth it IMO.

It's good that you were able to identify that he was an abuser in daddy clothing, I hope you figured this out early into the relationship. If you have any questions about whether or not this lifestyle is for you, looking inside yourself, only you know that answer. Maybe trying a vanilla relationship will help you find out if this lifestyle is something you need in your life. I tried being in a vanilla relationship with a very kind, patient, loving man but I couldn't feel satisfied, I constantly felt like something was missing and felt like he couldn't truly love me, the way a DD could, I also couldn't be a little around him and this ATE me up. I am a little at heart, you may find the same, or you may find that you can communicate with someone better in a non-CG/l relationship.

Either way I hope you have luck, and find joy. <3 Stay safe.

Edited February 3, 2017 by Little.Sophie

[missym]

As pretty much everyone else here has said that kind of conduct from a daddy is never ok and is extremely concerning.  If I were you Id be getting as far away from this pretender as possible.

[Guest Kittehmuffin]

I'd say for now just focus on you. You are what matters right now. At some point it might feel right for it to be in a relationship again, it could be ddlg or vanilla...see what feels good for you. Definitely doesn't sound like a Daddy. No way should you be experiencing that, not under any circumstances in any relationship!

[mysticbear]

Being a dom, daddy or not, is not an excuse to be abusive or disrespectful outside of an agreed upon situation. There are unfortunately some unpleasant people who will get into this as a way of justifying doing exactly that. I can understand it being hard to think about new relationships and probably when you're coming out of that relationship the best thing to do is focus on getting to a good place in yourself. I know from personal experience that abusive relationships leave you vulnerable. Stay safe and do what makes you happy, don't let anyone make you do things you don't want.

[Guest Gentleman_Hoff]

In the context of day-to-day life, a proper Dominant has no need to yell (unless that's your kink).  I sense your former partner lost control and went down the path of negative emotion, stubbornness, and (seemingly) abuse.  Without some sort of intervention (e.g. couple's therapy), the situation will likely only become more toxic.

 

If you know deep down you want to be little, don't allow the negative experiences to dictate your path to a fulfilling relationship.  Take some time to clear your head, then look to build connections with potential Daddys.  It's all about finding a good match/compatibility--this WILL require some trial and error.  You may find a wonderful Daddy...maybe not.  You may find yourself in a relationship with an incredible man who appreciates your youthful spirit, but isn't quite a Dominant.  It's not an easy path, but a path worth traveling.

 

Best wishes.