Don't think daddy can handle anymore

[Harley_Quinn]

I don't think daddy can handle me being down and at my worst anymore.

 

Ever since I found out we were having a baby ive been down and depressed and suffering from my mental problem even worse than ever. He tells me I can't lose hope and blah blah blah but indont think he understands I lost hope a while ago. About 7 months ago. When we couldn't even save a single penny. When 5 months ago we told his father (who we live with) and he made it even more unbearable to live here/made it impossible to save money.

 

I guess my question is how can I help daddy help me. It's taking its toll on him as badly as it is me. And i love daddy I don't want to push him away. Can anyone give me some advice?

[Princess-P]

From what I'm reading it sounds like your living situation is getting you down.

 

Do you work? Does your partner work? Have you considered applying to assistance? Have you reached out to any of your local services to help your situation?

 

Money is a huge stress factor especially with a baby on the way. While I'm not familer with many programs in the USA I know there are a TON of local programs available near me (I'm Canadian) for people who are struggling. So it might just be a matter of digging for the information.

[PrincessClara]

I would love to offer advice but I don't quite understand the situation. I think it sounds like you are depressed/anxious etc over your financial situation and that getting pregnant has compounded those feelings. 

 

This I can completely relate to. I am also pregnant and our financial situation isn't where I would like it to be either. I stress about it a lot. However, your Daddy is right. You CANNOT lose hope. You have to have faith that things will work out and remember that you are bringing a new life into this world. A life that is created by you and the man who loves you. I know it's hard, especially since you are living in someone elses' home, but it is up to you to make yourself happy. Your Daddy can only do so much for you and if what he is able to do isn't helping then the rest is really up to you. You have to choose to not let life beat you down, remember this is the hard part and as long as you and your Daddy work together and act as a team you can conquer this period of time in your life. Again, I know this is all easier said than done, TRUST ME. But it was the single most important thing I learned in therapy. Nobody else can make you happy, they can be there for you and try to help you but you have to make the decision to not let the world crush you. 

 

It gets better, I promise it does!   

[Barbie Lumina]

I can kind of relate with money issues, I can't imagine the stress it's causing with a baby on the way though. My first thought was what Princess-P said... here there is a lot of options to get help, child support, new flat with rent paid, charity support, there's even money you can get if you aren't working.

 

I don't know what the US has that's the equivalent of what we have so if you don't have that in your country, I'm kinda stumped. Is there any family members that can help you?

[Harley_Quinn]

Currently in the state I live in, the department of housing is closed to new people because of how long the waiting list is, this means no rental assistance, no home placements with low income rents, nothing like that. We both work. I work two jobs still and he works one full time.

There is no family that is helping us or will help us. Nobody supports what we're choosing to do. In fact some members of the family have threatend our baby's life. Others have threatend to call child services despite us having no reason for them to call.

 

I'm trying to stay positive about everything. Its just becoming harder and harder after 7 months.

[Daddy's Meg]

Currently in the state I live in, the department of housing is closed to new people because of how long the waiting list is, this means no rental assistance, no home placements with low income rents, nothing like that.

I assume you mean Section 8. It's the same where I am. Look into "project based subsidy" instead of the voucher program (sec 8). Also check out USDA housing instead of HUD. Where I work we have a USDA project, only requirement is age 18 and a clean criminal record. Income based. I have tenants that pay $0 and receive a utility allowance from us.

 

Also if you find a place, check with your local salvation army, they'll usually pay $100 toward deposits. There main problem is they don't get funds super often. I also suggest finding your local community services. They can help with security, rent and most often Food.

 

Good luck!!

[Guest Princessaj]

My heart is breaking hearing this pressure. I am severely clinically depressed, bipolar, have ADHD, Complex PTSD, anxiety, diabetes 2, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and a number of other things.

 

HOW DO I COPE? .....I PUT MY HEALTH FIRST. Mental and Physical.

 

Use all your stress, which is energy, to fuel your campaign to get support.

 

Make this your mission as an individual, a mother and part of being a couple.

 

I am the ultimate finder of all things "free" or really low cost." If you do your homework there is tons to be had for pregnant women (although I have never been one). Not only is there resources through your city/state, but there are also lots of non-profits that are focused on your cause.

 

"she's daddy's" is giving you tangible information to research for housing. It will take focus and tenacity, but the two of you can make it your cause to better your living situation. Besides the state government, there are private non-profits that help people with housing.

 

Do you have health insurance through any of your or his jobs? HUSKY Health is a way for you to get pre-natal care funded by your state. http://www.ct.gov/hh/site/default.asp 

 

All your prenatal, physical and mental health needs can be found for none to little money. 

 

The Family clinics in your area have a network of medical service providers that get subsidies from the government. You can get every single health service you can imagine paid for. You have to fill out lots of paperwork and maybe have to wait in waiting rooms, but you can get health services. I have done this myself and am well taken care of.

 

Depending on where you live you can seek out health services through teaching hospitals and clinics. Every student Dr. has an "Attending," a very qualified seasoned Dr. that is watching and advising. At my clinic I see the student Dr. first, we go over my needs and basically do a whole appointment. Then the student Dr. goes the "Attending," they confer and then BOTH of them come back in to discuss the plan. It is the Attending Dr. that writes the prescriptions.

 

Medical Universities and Colleges are super places to get care. I had Psychiatrists for years at UCLA. They do the same thing..I saw the student Dr., they talked to the Attending Dr. and then they both came to give me the plan. 

 

When I couldn't afford their small fee, I was referred to a government funded clinic. I had to work to get this resource. They also have student Dr.'s that revolve in and out, so I had many different Dr.'s that took great care of me. I didn't care if I saw a few different Dr's over the years because I pursued getting help and I got it.

 

My current talk therapist is a graduate that is part of a mental health program at her University. I didn't have talk therapy for years because I couldn't afford it. I found her through my Psychiatrist. I pay $11 a session and I see her every Saturday. I am having financial challenges right now and she is not charging me. My car is also in trouble so we are doing the sessions on the phone. There is always a way to make things that you need happen.

 

Have you looked into Connecticut's DSS: Financial Services TAFF Temporary Assistance for Needy Families?

http://www.ct.gov/dss/cwp/view.asp?a=2353&q=305152

There are ways to get assistance if you research, read fill out all the paperwork and keep going.

 

The worship community is an amazing resource. Have you looked into religious institutions in your area. Every Church, Temple/Synagogue, Mosque...place of worship has community cause outreach and you don't have to be a member or attend services. Except...I think the Salvation Army requires you to attend some of their services to be given certain help. There are so many worship run food banks and food programs.

 

Very wealthy people love to support causes so take them up on it. Find the services you need through the non-profits. They will be helping you and you are helping them feel good.

 

Most of all do this as a couple/parents. Make it a major campaign that involves winning for you, the baby and your Daddy. Put up a big piece of paper on the wall and list everything you need. Always ask every resource you find for referrals. Every resource you find, even if they don't help you, is a little win. Before you know it you will have everything on your list taken care of and the baby will arrive. Make it a huge wonderful challenge. I am very happy to help if you would like to use some of my stress. Hugs!

[Johnny Hammersticks]

I dont have anything to add to help, but the other posters in this thread have done such a great job in trying to help, i hope you can find some uplifting positivity in their responses that give you strenght to keep your chin up. Its amazing to see how this community cares for each other.

[Sonrisa]

Hi Harley_Quinn,

 

I'm so sorry to hear about all the trouble you're going through. Princessaj already gave a ton of helpful advice. 

 

The only thing I would add is don't be afraid to ask your friend and family network for help, of any kind. I'm sure it would be helpful just to talk to a close friend about everything. You are allowed to share your feelings with others. If you're telling only your daddy about everything, that could add to his stress. Talking to other friends and family can help you relax and they can provide you with various resources or suggestions you hadn't thought of. Even if you haven't spoken in a while, it could be wonderful to reconnect. 

 

Are there any other family members or friends that might allow you to live with them? Just try asking. There are plenty of people who would love to split their rent due to the economy. Think about just renting a basement apartment or a room in a house (with kitchen privileges).

 

In terms of saving money, are you eating with the family? That would help save a lot of money. If you aren't already shopping at Aldi, or another discount market, you should try them. They are much cheaper than your average grocery store. Always buy the discounted meats at the store whenever possible. Freeze if you can't eat it by the expiration date. Buy everything on sale and the no-name brand. (house brand). so much cheaper and same contents!! Also try dollar stores. My local dollar tree had organic soups that were nearing their expiration date. Normal cost was $3.50 I got it for $1. 

 

Eating a lot of cheap foods, like rice and beans, simple sandwiches, casseroles, Frozen and canned veggies for those casseroles or just for snacking. Cheap& in season- fresh veggies like carrots and kale (depends on area and season) too. Can be healthy +fun (lots of new veggies that people have never heard of , spagetti squash, rainbow chard, kolrabi, etc  

 

ask family and friends for assistance, plenty of people have lightly used clothing, furniture, household items (if you do decide to movie out). I've gotten part of my wardrobe from friends (partly because I'm shorter than them and I get their old high school clothes, haha)

 

I second the, "Do everything together (as a couple)" sentiment. Communication is key. Also taking care of your own wellbeing. If you don't already practice yoga, meditation, or regular exercise (be it a fun youtube video on getting a tight core, or a 5k run every morning) having a consistent exercise and mindfulness time can help improve mental wellbeing immensely. 

 

 

let us know how we can help!!

 

Sonrisa

 

living on the cheap

http://lifehacker.com/5848151/how-to-live-cheap-and-put-hundreds-of-dollars-back-in-your-pocket-without-becoming-a-hobo

http://www.thekitchn.com/10-smart-tips-for-eating-healthy-on-a-super-tight-budget-reader-intelligence-report-211182

 

I'm sure you've already exhausted all the resources from the gov, but here is a link to the general benefits page for CT

 

https://www.benefits.gov/benefits/browse-by-state/state/148