Not being able to trust a guy again *WARNING TRIGGERING CONTENT*

[Little_wolf114]

Hi,guys. So, some of you all know that at the beginning of January I left my last Dom. 

Well...I thought I would be able to move on and not have to worry about it. I was hoping that 

I would be able to move on and give myself some time to find a new Dom and settle down a bit. 

Well, I was wrong.

He wouldn't leave me alone and every time I found someone I though was nice

or someone that I like he would show up and talk to them using my account. 

I fixed that and no longer have that problem.*yay*Well, I had tried to leave him before and when I decided I was going to leave.....

He would guilt trip me. Telling me that he would kill himself going as far as to call me on Skype holding the gun to his head finger on the trigger until I took him back. I took him back every time except for the last one. Every since I have had this encounter with him and since I have been with him I haven't trusted a guy since. I don't know what to do or where to go with this. I honestly just want this to stop and I want to be able to trust guys again. I'm just scared about what could happen if I do get close to a guy. So many questions run through my head like " is he going to hurt me", "Is he going to hurt himself", "what happens is he kills himself", and "why don't I just play him before he can play me". I hope you all can help me because I don't know where to go.

[Guest Officedad]

You can't live your life based on fear, you have to trust until it's broken, deal with issues as they come along.

[Little_wolf114]

You can't live your life based on fear, you have to trust until it's broken, deal with issues as they come along.

Thank you

[Guest Bl1tzW1ng]

Sick minded people are everywhere...  Sorry you had to deal with that in any form...  Trust is something that should be earned not given.    Same with respect... 

Take time to heal yourself from the ordeal 1 month isn't enough time to heal from someone so metally and viusally abussive...

[Spooky]

That is classic manipulation tactic that has scared many people into staying in unhealthy and abusive relationships. 

I would agree with Blitz^^ Take time to heal, to be with yourself and learn what it is you want.

Moving on is never as easy as we want it to be but you can and will make it through this. 

Every and any relationship you have from now on will be scarred by the memories of that one. I am not trying to be a downer but it is the facts. When you meet someone who truly loves you and wants the best for you, allow yourself to open up to them, snail slow. And learn from your past. 

 

Best of luck and big hugs!

[Little.Sophie]

I am so sorry you had to experience that. Recovering and trusting people again is hard, but its worth it. I would suggest reading about some of the signs of abuse to keep from accidentally putting yourself in a situation with someone else who is manipulative. I would also work on learning how to build healthy boundaries so even if you do come across someone like that, they won't try to target you.

Something I'm doing when someone starts moving a little too fast for me is telling them that I've lost trust in people in general so it might take a while to build trust with them - if they get irritated or angry by the idea of me not trusting them instantly, there's a good chance they're manipulative/unhealthy people.
I've also found that their reaction to saying "no" to something small when they're expecting a "yes" is a good show of character too. Nice people might be a little confused but will back down and respect the boundary. Abusive people will get angry and/or keep pushing.

It takes time to heal from something like this. Don't try to rush into anything. Unfortunately experiencing things like this are a part of life along with all the wonderful things you experience. You get hurt, you learn and you become stronger as time goes on. Not all people are bad, there are a lot of really fantastic, kind and caring people out there and finding them and loving them and receiving their love back is one of the most rewarding and wonderful feelings in this world.

Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. Forgive him (but don't let him back in your life or any behavior like that again). You're stronger and wiser for having been through this, little one. Don't be afraid to talk things out with the people you care about if these thoughts start to be overwhelming. Don't be afraid to reach out to those you have established trust with for comfort when you're scared. Everything will be alright.

Edited February 1, 2017 by Little.Sophie

[daddies_velvet_kitty]

I'm so happy you have that toxic person out of your life. The way he treated you was abusive and manipulative and I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I similarly had an experience where I felt like I couldn't trust guys either. A previous boyfriend, one whom I spent a lot of time with, cheated on me more than 5 times. I was hurt, broken, devastated, you name it I felt it. When I got into ddlg I was so scared that my daddy was going to cheat on me. So scared he was going to leave me for someone better. A few months ago when my friend had a cheating girlfriend I realized something. Not every guy is the same, like not every girl the same. I am different from any of the other girls. And I came to the conclusion that, if there are bad girlfriends and good girlfriends. There must be bad boyfriends and good boyfriends. Yes I know this logic is very simplistic but it helped me put everything perspective. If I'm different than the girls who cheat and play guys, then there must be a guy right now who feels like he's different who doesn't cheat and play girls. That's when I met my now daddy whom I love more than anything in the world. We both have the same values and want in our relationship. I guess my advice is there will be a few wrong guys before you hit the right one. Just keep your communication open, explain to your future caregiver your past and why your wary and work on it together. Be cautious of red flags and abusive behavior. Overall remember that you couldn't trust him. Not every guy in the world. Also you don't have to get into a new relationship right away. Take time for yourself and learning who you are. Best of luck  

[Guest princedoober]

It would be a shame for him to take one life... But an even greater shame for him to take two.

 

If he can point a gun at himself -- he can point a gun at you.

 

Steer clear and look for help from folks like the people who commented above.

[Hurndauke]

Like the rest said, take some time to heal, and most definitely keep your distance. I'm sorry to hear you went through this. :c

[Zianne]

I am very sorry this had happened to you. At the same time, I am happy that you have this person out of your life. Like how everyone is saying, stay positive, think positive. Get yourself some rest too. Having to trust someone is really easy but having to break someone's trust and trying to re-gain is very hard. Keep your mind of negative things. We all are here to help. I may be a newbie to this community but, I know how it's like for someone to break your trust. It is completely devastating. Remember to stay positive and keep on doing things you love to get that negative energy away.   

Edited February 1, 2017 by Zianne

[cuppycakes]

There's a lot of really nice things that were said here. One thing that you might want to consider is writing these all out (either in a journal or on note cards to put on your wall!) I find that it helps me to see something over and over. Maybe it'll just put it in your head that it's true, that you deserve love, and that not everyone is like that.

 

As far as someone threatening to kill themselves, my daddy had a relationship like that, too. She was bad news as well, and he ended up calling the police on her because he was afraid. Don't forget that that is an option. They know how to deal with those things.

 

You're very strong, and you will continue to be strong. Don't give up, and if you really want something, then you shouldn't let a bad experience stop you from getting it.

[PrincessVirgo]

I had a similar experience, 2 weeks ago...But he wasn't my Dom. My mentor (a fantastic og Dom) said 1. Are his actions making me feel loved, secure and safe? 2. Remember, these are his actions... Is it fair to make a future Dom "pay" for your exes failures (future trust issues). Just food for thought. I wish you the best.

[Little_wolf114]

Thank all of you all. This means alot to for someone to help me with this. 

[Guest Kittehmuffin]

Be patient with yourself too as well as taking time to heal. You've come through a really difficult experience so don't expect that's you 'should' trust right away...it's natural.

 

As you begin to feel like taking to guys again on that level and knowing that you need to regain trust you will be able to relax into it when you find someone or a few men that understand and care enough to be open with you. Be friends with guys first. A step at a time would help!

[Little_wolf114]

Okay cool thanks