Guest Atong Posted January 30, 2017 Report Posted January 30, 2017 Is it wrong or bad if you are a CG and want your little/partner to take care of you too? I feel like a lot of CG take care of their little but is it unCG-like if the CG wants care from their little as well. Frequently, in my experiences so far, its not something that happens and when its needed, I am told its not CG enough. I don't know what to think of it.
IndigoSea Posted January 30, 2017 Report Posted January 30, 2017 (edited) My Daddy often says the same to me. I don't think it's "un-CG", it's human! As a little, though, I often have trouble expressing the kind of care He needs. What is important is that you guide your little towards being what you need them to be (and helping them to be better, more empathetic people in the process). It is un-CG to just expect your little to just know what you need though. After all, we are often a bit emotionally immature, and like having clear rules and punishments for a reason. As long as you are clear with your little about what you need, you're a great CG! For example, you might make a rule that they ask about your day when you come home from work. I'm sorry if I didn't make much sense, I'm having trouble finding the right words haha. Edited January 30, 2017 by IndigoSea 2
TeddybearCandyfloss Posted January 30, 2017 Report Posted January 30, 2017 I think that mutual care should be at the core of every cgl relationship. Not the same type of care, but the kind of care people should have in a loving relationship. 2
Guest Posted January 30, 2017 Report Posted January 30, 2017 It's not wrong. Littles are still adults and they need to offer support and care to their partners too. It's a relationship and both need to support and love one another. 4
Guest Candy Minx ♡ Posted January 30, 2017 Report Posted January 30, 2017 (edited) On 1/30/2017 at 1:05 AM, Atong said: Is it wrong or bad if you are a CG and want your little/partner to take care of you too? I feel like a lot of CG take care of their little but is it unCG-like if the CG wants care from their little as well. Frequently, in my experiences so far, its not something that happens and when its needed, I am told its not CG enough. I don't know what to think of it. it's not wrong or bad, caregiver or no you're still human who has human emotions and that needs to be known and acknowledged. i care for my Daddy immensely. when we're together irl i make sure he knows he's cared about through the way i act with him, making sure i'm there at the door when he got home, made sure i helped with dinner, helped with the laundry, doing the dishes - housework and it may not seem like it's 'taking care of' my cg but it is. i do as much as i can when we're stuck to just an online relationship as well. i may not 'take care' of him in a physical sense like he does with me but i make sure he's emotionally and mentally cared for. that really has nothing to do with cgl but the fact that we're two adults in a relationship. you have to remember that this is still a relationship and becoming a caregiver doesn't automatically turn you into some 500% superhuman who doesn't need any emotional or mental care. it's not uncargiver like to want care from your little. it's not inhuman to want care from your partner. also i'm not too sure who told you that there's one surefire way to be a caregiver but they were very, very wrong and it seems like they didn't care to add that you're allowed to be you, be humans, and have feelings. you have to be careful about what you read/hear because it doesn't seem like you're reading the right things or hearing from the right people ( and not everyone has the same relationship ). On 1/30/2017 at 1:14 AM, IndigoSea said: It is un-CG to just expect your little to just know what you need though. After all, we are often a bit emotionally immature, and like having clear rules and punishments for a reason. As long as you are clear with your little about what you need, you're a great CG! For example, you might make a rule that they ask about your day when you come home from work. I'm sorry if I didn't make much sense, I'm having trouble finding the right words haha. i really don't think it has anything to do with being a caregiver when it comes down to not being able to know what someone needs. that's called not having super awesome mind reading powers. communication is key in any sort of relationship, more so in a dynamic such a this. also, not every little is emotionally immature - even if they were, sometimes you have to put on your big person pants and communicate to your partner like an adult. trying to communicate in any other space might just prove to be a barrier in attempted communications. and not every little has rules. or punishments. every relationship is different but i do agree that when you're clear and talking in your relationship, you should be good. Edited January 30, 2017 by ☄ Cosmic Pengu ☆ 1
Guest Atong Posted January 30, 2017 Report Posted January 30, 2017 Thank you for responding. I don't know, maybe I'm just not a good CG or a good communicator. Its difficult for me too as well to communicate that I want care from my little because of the fear they will think less of me etc.
Guest Kittehmuffin Posted January 30, 2017 Report Posted January 30, 2017 It's not wrong. Mutual care is the foundation of a relationship. Yes...asking for what you need could make all the difference. It's ok to need some care now and then.
Guest Princessaj Posted January 30, 2017 Report Posted January 30, 2017 Hi, thank you for asking for our help. Sounds like taking care of yourself is something that needs a higher priority. You can't take care of someone else well, unless you are doing generous and consistent "self care." Look at your life in general, are you physically well or are you fatigued, in good standing financially or are you stressed about your bills, have friends that have your back or don't feel like anyone cares about you, have a satisfying job or hate it?... these are foundational things to make us feel secure in ourselves. Think "you" first. If you don't know what makes you feel cared for take some time to meditate on it or go to therapy and talk about it in a safe place without judgement. I think if others see us taking care of ourselves, they will respect us more and want to give us what makes us happy. Hugs! 1
Princess-P Posted January 30, 2017 Report Posted January 30, 2017 Littles and caregivers are both adults. Adults in a relationship show care to their partner in whatever way that partner prefers. Littles may prefer some more child like care rituals and caregivers may prefer something more adult. Having to make a rule that the little has to ask about their caregivers day should be unnecessary. Before you become part of any type of relationship there is a growing period where you learn many things about each other. One of those things is learning emotional cues from eachother. Communication is important from both sides at all times over just about every single thing involved in any kind of relationship. But caring for each other is just a given. If a little tells you that its not normal for a caregiver to need care then that little is very selfish and not ready for any kind of relationship with anyone.
DaddysMonkey Posted January 31, 2017 Report Posted January 31, 2017 On 1/30/2017 at 1:05 AM, Atong said: Is it wrong or bad if you are a CG and want your little/partner to take care of you too? I feel like a lot of CG take care of their little but is it unCG-like if the CG wants care from their little as well. Frequently, in my experiences so far, its not something that happens and when its needed, I am told its not CG enough. I don't know what to think of it. Hello Atong ^-^ No , I absolutely do not think it is wrong. It also doesn't make you a bad caregiver in the slightest. I see a lot of Caregivers do so so very much for their littles as well , but that doesn't mean there aren't Caregivers like yourself as well. If you are speaking of the relationship without the Dd/lg aspects.. then of course you are not wrong or bad. Every person involved in a relationship deserves equal love , care , and time. With the Dd/lg aspect , I think it is more of an opinion or what the little or Caregiver prefer. If you need emotional support , your little could/should offer that to you. I think communicating what you need is very important. On a physical and tangible level , (like cleaning the house , rubbing your back , ect ) that should be something you and your little have in common. Like ; do you both agree on having a chore chart , does she agree that she could/should give you a back rub after a hard day at work , letting you have "Daddy space". Daddy space in our house is when Daddy needs a little time to himself , just like anyone does. I feel like a lot of men enjoy this , as well as more introverted people. He can do Daddy things like pay bills in silence and I'll fetch him a beer. He can play his favorite video game and unwind while I cook. Personally it's about communication what kinds of things you would like to do for each other.. I am still very much little when I do all of the chores for him but he gets to have his own "Daddy time" this makes him feel taken care of. Hope this helps ^-^ 1
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