My little wants a different daddy

[Drmagister]

Unfortunately we've only been practicing ddlg for a month, but my little has lost patience with her daddy. Daddy is very new to this lifestyle, and is unsure of himself and how to react.little one says she doesn't think daddy "has it in him" to really be her daddy. My little has always wanted this with me, but the reality is she doesn't believe. Another issue, were married, and I don't want her to try to find another d. What do I do now?

[Johnny Hammersticks]

Well that sounds like a messy situation. You better tell her no way and take control of the situation immediatly. Be strict and controlling and possessive but make it playful and fun. She wants you to take control.

[Guest Stevecarr998]

I definItely agree

 

I hope this is her way of making you take control

 

You can not let this happen

[Guest Candy Minx ♡]

Unfortunately we've only been practicing ddlg for a month, but my little has lost patience with her daddy. Daddy is very new to this lifestyle, and is unsure of himself and how to react.little one says she doesn't think daddy "has it in him" to really be her daddy. My little has always wanted this with me, but the reality is she doesn't believe. Another issue, were married, and I don't want her to try to find another d. What do I do now?

 

a month really isn't a suitable amount of time to get into the habit of things, i feel.

it sounds like you need to have a sit down with your little outside of littlespace 

and figure out what she wants and expects out of this relationship, if you don't

know or if she doesn't know, you're both running blind. if she had expectations

of you, which it's very apparent she does and doesn't communicate them to you,

how are you to know what to do? how to be the very best daddy you can if you

don't know what you're suppose to be giving her? it's very unfair to you for her

to want to run off and get another daddy because you're not giving her what

she wants asap. and what's stopping her from deciding that if she finds another

daddy she won't be happy and just jump to the next and next? 

 

you don't sound like you're having a great time if you're unsure of yourself

and having difficulty reacting to what's going on so it may be time to have her

put on her big girl panties and talk to you like an adult. i wouldn't suggest 

randomly taking control of the situation by being possessive or playful because

that may not be the way that she wants things done. there's no use in guessing

what she wants when you can just talk to her. maybe she wants rules and 

punishments, maybe she does want you to be more stern and controlling, mayhaps

she want something more gentle and kind - who knows? unless you guys talk.

assuming doesn't do anything for anyone and can further damage a relationship

in the budding stages, like what you two have now. 

[Antoinette]

Well that sounds like a messy situation. You better tell her no way and take control of the situation immediatly. Be strict and controlling and possessive but make it playful and fun. She wants you to take control.

 

In my opinion you shouldn't do this. It'd be a short burst of assertiveness that would be wasted on a forgotten moment, that's how I see it anyway.

 

Are you able to fulfill the role of a daddy? Do you know what the role entails? Does she know what she's asking of you? Is she patient? Helpful? Has she given you learning resources? Does she have any interest in helping you or is it about herself? Do you two communicate? Have you asked her what she wants from you?

 

If any of these were answered as 'no' then I suggest you find a way to answer the question to make it a yes. This is a two person thing and it's very do-able, I suggest you do some research into BDSM in general, into dominant and submissive roles and decide whether being dominant is something you feel as though you have inside of you and you're willing to express.

 

My daddy was 100% vanilla when I met him two years ago and up until August when we started dating he was as well. I introduced him into the lifestyle slowly, and even though in my eyes he was such a natural daddy I held off from expecting too much and I held off from pushing it on him. We took it slowly, for both our sakes. He learnt what being a daddy meant to him and as time went on and we learned how to work together the dynamic just fell into place.

 

What I'm trying to say is if she's rushing you that's not fair. She should be supportive and assuring, you shouldn't feel as though you absolutely have to rush into this role or else she'll leave you for someone else. That's not fair. She should support you through this and ensure that you understand exactly what is being asked of you. Subs/littles need to guide their daddies too sometimes, ya know.

[Guest Princessaj]

Hi, thank  you for asking for our help.

 

There is so much background that can make a huge difference in what to suggest.

 

We don't know how old she is, how long you have been married, is this her first marriage

and the state of your marriage in general?

 

Does she start and stop things in real life too? Is this another one of those things?

 

If she is just bursting out with the whole DDlg thing all of a sudden and otherwise is pretty predictable, this

may be a cry for help. If she is near your 45 years old age, she may be going through a midlife crisis and

will also start popping off about other things too, looking for change. Changing her hair color, wanting to

change jobs, etc.

 

If she has any history of mental illness, there can be much tied to all of this. Not that mental illness makes a

little, but dealing with depression and anxiety can take on many different appearances and this may be 

one of them.

 

In my opinion, wanting another Daddy in DDlg is like asking for another husband/partner in real life.

 

My advise, do a "Health" Check. How is her physical health? How is her mental health? How is the health of

your marriage (Please get couples counseling if need be) If you are parents, how is your parenting health.

 

I think if you really asses these very basic human needs you will find what is at the root of this situation and

perhaps many others. If you are going to take control of anything, take responsibility in real life first, then play

and have fun. Ddlg is meant to be fun. Hugs!

[Guest Kittehmuffin]

I'd agree that you need to be assertive. Lay some boundaries down that are hard limits....like if her looking for a different Daddy is a huge no way, make that crystal clear. Get your boundaries in place. What you will and won't accept. That's a start. Communication is key. Finding out what she wants in a Daddy...it might look a little different from how you think a Daddy should be. See if you guys can meet in the middle...also...talk about what you both think a middle should be...meet in the middle with that too.

 

Speaking like that after a month is a bit early. Find out why! Wishing you all the best.

[HeCallsMePrincess]

considering you two are married and have a life together outside of ddlg you need to talk to her as your wife right now. tell her you are happy to try this out with her, but need longer than a month. that's hardly any time at all. and if she's already decided you arent up for it, sadly she may have already found someone else and is using ddlg as a cover or an excuse. i'm saying this as a little, sub and wife. 

[Drmagister]

You've all had great things to say, thank you very much. I have drawn hard boundaries, developed a communication system with wife/partner that's separate from little. On Kik I'm always daddy, but regular text I'm husband. She has given up her "other dd's" entirely. We have a hand written list of rules, and punishments that suit the infractions. My little one is elated! And now confident daddy is happy to really be her best daddy! -drm.

[MrWrongUk]

This is tough...and maybe why people should not rush into marriage. Not alot you can do imo. Think what you want. Just because she is a little and you are married you have to take what seems to me like....rejection? Maybe she is testing you..maybe she is just mean.i dunno. But that would be a red flag to me. Dont let another person hurt you because you want to be the nice guy. We all have feelings.

[Guest Waiting4us]

It is a hard time, a difficult phase but you need to first give yourself priority and also respect the priority of the other. It may sound harsh but maybe she and you are running in different directions. Communication is one key to know each other. Sometimes the other has unrealistic expectations and you need to ask her what she really wants. Married is one thing you both need to know ,take your time and ask her that you will try your best but she needs to be patient. Honestly I would never want your relationship to break but too much control will make things worst. Just be patient with self and her. Try to understand her and make your realistic expectations clear. Wish you both a lovely great blessed journey.

[Drmagister]

Thank you my friends, your feedback has been great! My little has been just too shy about talking about her wants and needs, but daddy has been fishing and pressing, and getting healthy answers! Fyi this daddy haha grew up "in beavercleaverville" thats how vanilla I started out. I have convinced her to quit looking for another daddy, she seems to finally want just me but my work isn't done, please all keep talking! Thank you!