Tips for my Daddy on how to actually be a daddy Dom please!

[LittleCrimson]

Okay so a little backstory my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year but have known each other the past 4. He knows I'm into dd/lg and agreed to try this relationship dynamic out of course that was a couple months ago and he won't be a daddy Dom outside of sex. Like he doesn't understand how to be a daddy Dom In general and I'm terrible at trying to explain it. I'm very non verbal in general and little me is even worse at it.. my little age is about 6-9 if that is relevant at all. I just need help trying to get him to understand how to be a daddy. Please and thank you in advance!

[Guest]

There is no one right way to be a daddy. You need to explain to him what YOU want out of such a relationship. You must learn to communicate or this kind of thing is gonna be hard to impossible to work through together.

[Spooky]

Arya pretty much said it all, No two relationships are the same, no two littles are the same, no two daddy's are the same. It is up to you two to decide what kind of daddy/little to be. 

What I would suggest is that the two of you get together and brainstorm what you both want of out this relationship dynamic. 

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/12727-a-starting-point-for-rules-rewards-punishments/

Try giving this a read with him!!

[ButterscotchBunny]

Its pretty much what Arya said. It might help to write down a list of stuff you would like before trying to talk about it. ^.^ A good place to start is what kinda stuff he can do that makes you feel little. 

[Johnny Hammersticks]

Im not sure what advice can be given. Being a Daddy is a big responsibility, and kinda a complicated thing. Its very instinctual, and he has to embrace his role in terms of taking the lead. Checking on all the important caregiver type things, and maintain the dynamic by being in control.

 

As is always said, communication is the key. You can go to him and ask him to do the things that are important to you, whether thats checking up to make sure youre eating healthy, going to bed on time, getting your work done. Remind him of the things that are important to you, even if he forgets them, and hopefully they will become second nature to him and you guys will have a great DD/lg dynamic.

[LittleCrimson]

I mean I think a big part of his problem is he is very realistic and real world/adult problems should be realized not avoided and that's how he views my little side as me avoiding adulthood our real ages are 21(me) and 28 (him). But I don't know how to make him understand that regressing is a way to cope for me with my anxiety and depression which he also struggles with. So that makes it difficult to.

[Johnny Hammersticks]

I mean I think a big part of his problem is he is very realistic and real world/adult problems should be realized not avoided and that's how he views my little side as me avoiding adulthood our real ages are 21(me) and 28 (him). But I don't know how to make him understand that regressing is a way to cope for me with my anxiety and depression which he also struggles with. So that makes it difficult to.

Life has enough "real world/adult problems" little space should be a safe haven from that, an escape from the real world stuff we all deal with all day, every day. It should be for both Daddy and little. You guys should allow yourselves that, whether its for an hour a day, before bedtime, or for as long as you like. But thats something you guys should talk about and come up with a plan on how to deal with real life stuff and still be able to enjoy some little space together daily.

 

I mean, thats what all relationships should be about, even vanilla ones. About the couple being able to maintain their daily lives, but still be able to set aside time for each other. To feel safe, loved, and comfortable. Given time and communication and commitment you guys WILL find your comfort level and find you perfect Daddy/little space. Just talk to him about what you need, im sure he wants to do his best by you.

Good luck.

[Guest Candy Minx ♡]

Okay so a little backstory my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year but have known each other the past 4. He knows I'm into dd/lg and agreed to try this relationship dynamic out of course that was a couple months ago and he won't be a daddy Dom outside of sex. Like he doesn't understand how to be a daddy Dom In general and I'm terrible at trying to explain it. I'm very non verbal in general and little me is even worse at it.. my little age is about 6-9 if that is relevant at all. I just need help trying to get him to understand how to be a daddy. Please and thank you in advance!

 

also gonna have to super agree with what arya said, communication is flippin' huge

in any type of relationship - but i think once you decide to branch off away from being

vanilla that communication is even bigger and can easily be a breaking point in a 

relationship if it isn't used at all times. if you can't tell him what you want or need out

of this relationship it will go no where, during this time of speaking you should not

be in littlespace, it's something that needs to be addressed between two adults.

 

also, since it's only been a few months into this, it's a role he only wants to play during

sex, and it's clear he doesn't understand his role it might feel like, on his end, that you're

asking for a lot. from my point of view, he seems like he's going blind on this or just

generally isn't interested outside of the bedroom and that's okay, this lifestyle choice isn't

for everyone and that might be something you have to take into consideration. have you 

two spoken at all since it was agree'd he would try the dynamic out? is it something that

you're both perusing or did you just mention it once and never again? did he maybe look

online and find some kind of weird 'how to daddy' guide to follow and that's why it's

something he only acts on in the bedroom?  

 

I mean I think a big part of his problem is he is very realistic and real world/adult problems should be realized not avoided and that's how he views my little side as me avoiding adulthood our real ages are 21(me) and 28 (him). But I don't know how to make him understand that regressing is a way to cope for me with my anxiety and depression which he also struggles with. So that makes it difficult to.

 

as far as this situation goes, explaining to him what littlespace is to you might

help, even explaining to him that you two can talk about and deal with big people

problems - but let it be known you need this. since you previously stated he doesn't

know how to be a daddy, something like littlespace can be hard to understand when

you don't even know what you're suppose to be doing as a dd, how do you expect

to understand your partners role without knowing what your own is with something

so new?

 

and i understand what littlespace is and how you're using it as a coping method but

is this something you do when there's a problem that you need to be adult about 

and that's why he assumes that you're avoiding adulthood? if the situation is more

along those lines i understand why he would view it that way. if not, well then maybe

you need to sit down and write everything out for yourself. to organize your thoughts

and figure out what you want to say and how you need to say it so that your partner

understands - only you know how to do this. you say you have issues with being verbal

so it may help a lot to get everything out on paper, organize it, and then approach him

to explain everything to him. from what you want in this relationship, what you need out

of him as a daddy, to what littlespace is for you and what you're using it for.  and maybe

be ready to hear that this dynamic isn't for him and that you might just have to be a little

on your own. 

Edited January 29, 2017 by ☄ Cosmic Pengu ☆

[Guest Princessaj]

Hi, thank you for asking us for help.

 

I have a few thoughts...

 

1. There are some people that are too "analytical" to see into our world for what it means to us.

No matter what you say or do, they will always be looking for proof, because it has to "make

sense to them." We just accept and live the way that makes us happy. 

 

2. There are people that don't want to be happy and don't want to help anyone else with their

happiness. You may have to accept that he may be this kind of person.

 

3. Does he truly believe that you have depression and anxiety or is he the kind of person that says

"chin up, put a smile on your face and you will be happy?" I ask this because I know what that

feels like and I know that the man who said that to me also only thinks that being a Daddy is

about sex. This may only be my experience, but my gut tells me that these men are out for their

own satisfaction, care nothing about others happiness, there are tons of them.

 

4. If he does NOT "naturally" do caring things, makes sure you eat when you are hungry or not, 

cares about how you are sleeping/calms your nightmares, when you are cold attends to warming

you, these are basic human things. There are people that don't care beyond their own nose. If he

is not caring for you as a human, he is not authentic Daddy material.

 

5. If you can't "tell" him what you want in a way that he "gets it," then show him this forum. Plug

him in, give him access....if he objects and doesn't want to or says he will and doesn't, then he

is not interested in your well being and happiness.

 

I have talked to lots of Daddies on this site, yes talked on the phone/Skype, not just text and you

can tell the difference between those that are born to be Daddies and those that just want sex.

They have told me that they don't just like to cook for their little, they say how they would go

to the grocery store, choose the best ingredients, prepare all the steps of each recipe with care,

set the table, spoon feed and make certain their little is well fed and cared for from their soul.

 

Love is in the actions, not just the words. Find a Daddy to really love you and we will all rejoice! HUGS!  

[Baby Neko]

Agree with all of everyone else's advice but I just want to add that if you're having trouble talking about it, maybe try writing down what the dynamic means to you and what you want and give it to him to read, then discuss it afterwards. That's what I did as a starting point because I was nervous and having trouble collecting my thoughts.

[LittleCrimson]

Just an update for everyone we had a long talk last night and we worked a lot out and I think he has a better understanding of what I need now so I'm super happy and got a bunch of cuddles this morning thank you everyone for the advice.

[BigCityLittleGirl]

I try to send him pictures or links to articles or videos ect that show what I'm into. I encourage him with praise when he does daddy like things (helping me out with a task, saying or doing something I find sexy and dominant, hearing about a situation he was in where he took control like at work or an interaction with strangers, ect) I'll say wow I love it when you do (blank) You make me feel so cared for!

I