Well this is absolutely depressing.

[WickedJax]

I'm a dominant, and honestly looking for a little that fits me has been a rough time. 

 

Recently I started talking with a little who was... Surprising. This person, as far as I can tell from the few days we talked, is very similar to me. So similar in fact that I was almost daunted, that I wanted to go out of my way to impress this person. It was absolutely wonderful, and I felt good. Finally, a person who fit so well, you know? This person expressed interest in me, and I in them, but it was all for naught.

 

Turns out I was a distraction because the person they really love need time to think, and here I am. Disappointing, a little angry, and depressed. I'm a Dominant, and I'm a good Dominant, but I still get hurt when these sorts of things happen. I feel so burned by this whole relationship thing. It seems anytime I get close to something that fits, it turns out to just be a lie. 

 

Tell me, friends, why is find a partner so hard? And you know what's worse? I can't be a Daddy without a little. 

 

Let me elaborate on that a little. Littles are able to be little with or without a Dominant. They can still color, they can still be adorable, you know? They can indulge themselves in that side of themselves. We can't. Our wants are entirely subject to the consent of someone else. Now, I'm not saying that just because we want something we should get it, not at all. It's just frustrating wanting to care about someone so much and having it never work out. 

 

This isn't really about this one person, honestly. It's more about this dynamic as a whole. I will get over one person. Being a Dominant, and specifically a Daddy, is so fulfilling. To be able to teach and guide, to take care of someone, and give them the stability they need, it's a part of who I am. Honestly, it's something I need in my life. I love the feeling of being there for someone, of lifting someone up so they can be the best version of themselves, and being loved in return. I have so much to give, but no one to give it to, and it's frustrating. It's all just built up and clogged, now you know? 

 

Do my fellow Dominants ever feel like this? 

[baby.bambi]

I'm so sorry she did that to you, it's absolument horrible when people manipulate others. I know how this feels, seeing as how I've been in a similar situation. 

[Guest Loki]

What a horrible thing to do to someone just keep looking. Your little is there, heck they might not know their a little yet. Don't give up!

 

Um, I can't really say anything from a Dominant's perspective, but I'll give it my best shot to help.

 

Are there any organizations where you live where you could help others? Like Big Brothers and Sisters? I know it's not the same, but it could help with the need to guide someone to be the best person they can be - especially someone who has no one else.

[BruceDaLittle]

I'm still getting over my ex we only were together for short time she was a great mommy. On the flipside of things, I understand you. I can't be little cuz I live with other people.

[ButterscotchBunny]

Hello Jax. I'm sorry that happened to you. :c I never thought how difficult it must be for a dom without someone to care for. it is easy for me to just take a bubble bath or something that makes me feel little, and I wish i could think of something that would help you feel better. :c But it sounds like you really care when looking for a relationship and that's good! I'm sure you will be a great daddy when you do find someone. c: 

Edited January 25, 2017 by ButterscotchBunny

[DaddyAlphaca]

It is hard to find a little who match with us (Daddies), i've been looking for a while now a little who really fits me.... and sometimes whenever i "think" i found her, she is just gone after 2-3 days, maybe not totally gone but you can tell that she is somehow fading, not replying as frequent as before and such and finally she is stop replying. Sometimes i think if it is my fault but after talking to some littles (Just friends, they got daddy/mommy) some littles are just trying to find match in us and just like us they might don't find what they want on us (Even our appreance/race will be their concern) and slowly fading to not really looks bad (I think they mean, it is really mean to just suddenly stop talking).

 

This is a little bit of my point view and maybe an Advice. Be Patient, look up for someone slowly, wait for someone who actually really match you and she thinks you are a match as well, and keep looking. That way, your bond to your little will be better since you are not rushing, she is not rushing and you both make sure that you have "Spark" to each other.

 

As for me, i always says to new little interested to me as their daddy, to having a "Trial Week/Days" where in a week, we trying eachother as a daddy/little. If in a week one of us feels we aren't good for each other (Not a match) then just stay as a friend and find a new Daddy/Little. This far this is working pretty good for me, i had a little who after somedays said her reason why we aren't a match (Instead of just leaving or makes me feels she is totally into me), and i also had a little where i can tell her why we aren't a match and she can take it well since that is a trial week.

 

English is not my main language so i am sorry for the confusion and broken English haha ! But i hope you get the point.

[DaddysMonkey]

Hello there !

 

I would first like to answer your question , "Why is finding a partner so hard?" It is usually hard for most single people , most of the time people don't stumble upon  a"perfect" partner because they don't exist. People can be highly compatible but have one thing , only one small thing that changes their mind about being with someone.  Whether it be as shallow as not liking your hair , or something as serious as one of you wanting kids and the other not. You just have to be patient and try to have a positive attitude. ^-^

 

What sticks out to me in your post is that you said , "This person, as far as I can tell from the few days we talked, is very similar to me. So similar in fact that I was almost daunted, that I wanted to go out of my way to impress this person."  In my opinion , a few days is not nearly enough time to know someone well enough to be their partner or their Daddy let alone any vanilla relationship either. This is more like an infatuation , feeling that daunted like that and so mesmerized at first. This feeling is perfectly okay and valid , most people go through it ! ^-^ It just depends on how you act on it , diving in too deep before you know the water is extremely dangerous and you could end up hurt. I hope that analogy makes sense. 

 

"Turns out I was a distraction because the person they really love need time to think, and here I am. Disappointing, a little angry, and depressed. I'm a Dominant, and I'm a good Dominant, but I still get hurt when these sorts of things happen. I feel so burned by this whole relationship thing. It seems anytime I get close to something that fits, it turns out to just be a lie." I think this just comes down to taking some real time to get to know someone , knowing their pasts , ect. Not taking proper amounts of time getting to know someone does not excuse her behavior at ALL. I think it is rude , and vindictive of someone to drag someone along while they are "waiting for their true love" so to speak. I feel like most men assume they aren't allowed to hurt or have feelings , which is false. I feel very sorry for what happened to you ,  and think you show that you are a very caring person. 

 

As for not being able to be a Daddy while not having a little... I have never even really thought of it too deeply. My Daddy has told me before it would rip his heart to shreds losing his little (me) and his kitties , which of course makes me sad. I wouldn't ever want to leave him , but now this makes me wonder about how he would feel as a Daddy. Not being able to cuddle the kitties at night with me if I left , no more checking the chore chart and giving out stars .. all sorts of things he would miss.. not just myself. Reading how much this affects you really gave me a greater appreciation for my Daddy and the things both of us would be missing if we ever split up. Thank you very much for posting this and for being so kind hearted. 

 

Hope this helps !

Edited January 25, 2017 by Daddysmonkey

[Michael]

Recently I started talking with a little who was... Surprising. This person, as far as I can tell from the few days we talked, is very similar to me. So similar in fact that I was almost daunted, that I wanted to go out of my way to impress this person. It was absolutely wonderful, and I felt good. Finally, a person who fit so well, you know? This person expressed interest in me, and I in them, but it was all for naught.

 

You talked for only a few days, but this little was able to get inside your head that quick? I think you might have let yourself get attached too quick.

 

I don't really waste time talking to potential littles anymore. From what I've seen, a lot just want an online only thing. Not really bashing anyone, but who wants to sit around giving attention to some random online little that probably will run off the minute you try to take the relationship to the next level? You have to sort through a whole bunch of time wasters to find anything that could ever be "serious". It's all bullshit.

[Guest Kittehmuffin]

Michael...not everyone is like that. I was in a relationship, we both wanted to marry. I'm in Scotland and he was in Philadelphia. We loved each other dearly and were together for 3 1/2 years until he passed away very suddenly. Please don't tar us all with the same brush or think we all just want online relationships. I wanted him as my husband and my life partner.

 

So with respect I disagree. It's not all bullshit.

[Guest Plebian]

It ain't that much different from normal 'dating', to be honest. While I do agree it's probably best to take more time than usual and to get to know each other really properly before jumping into a dynamic like this (like daddysmonkey said), I haven't seen much difference in how people are behaving. In a dating sense anyway.

 

Not saying it's a good thing per sé, just saying that I kinda see this everywhere. There are plenty of people out there that love opportunistically, and frankly if I were in a situation where I could behave like that, I probably would too. Makes for a lot less heartbreak, huh? Still, it's not inhumane to long for people to be more careful and generally more respectful, but hey, some people are just dicks and lack a bunch of empathy. Can't do much about that.

 

I can relate a lot to what you said about having so much to give, but having no one to give it to. It sucks, it really does. Yet it is still our own responsibility to improve ourselves more and more until people are able to see our qualities better.

 

In this case, you are the victim, which I have been many times before too. But there is little to no use in being and/or staying the victim for, well, a couple of minutes, to be honest. Being left in the dust should be combatted with your longing to reach your dreams and to be a better man. Because failures teach us most about life, and all those failures and injustices will eventually bring the experience and expertise required for us to be able to be the kind of person we'd love to be for a future loved one. (And to also be able to filter through the bad people more effectively!)

 

Not by any means is that a fair way to plough through life, but life just isn't fair to begin with. Accepting it would be better.

Edited January 27, 2017 by Plebian

[sayhall]

Tbh with you abd all who have posted here it ain't just you. I've had the same thing happen thousands of times where a little will talk to me and we seem to be getting all friendly bit then they just stop talking and it kills my mood. I don't know what I do wrong