jealous little girl :(

[Lil_pinkprincess]

I love my daddy more than anything and I want to be my best for him but I'm having a lot of trouble dealing with his children and his past. I know that he comes with two adorable children,and that he has a ton of responsibilities. I just can't help but feeling a smidge of jealousy that I can't explain when they are around. He does his best I think to accommodate me and his children but I feel like I get less. I cringe everytime he gets them a new cup, doll, or calls them baby girl or any name he calls me. I know that sounds extremely bratty of me and I try my best to not show my displeasure but inside I feel like I'm exploding. Maybe my feelings are due in part to our financial situation and that we are on tight budget. He pays child support on them and that makes him not be able to do so muchmuch extra things with me and I am understanding of this. I can handle being told no (mostly) but I am having the hardest time every other weekend. How does one handle sharing their daddy?

[Child Of Light]

This is going to be hard to hear: but his children will always come first!!!

 

He pays child support, --- to support his under-aged, depending children. You should be glad he's taking care of his babies and respect they will always come first. It might be they are getting more, because right now -- they need it.That's something you will have to "deal" with. That was their Daddy first and always. His little girls will aways be his little girls, his princess, his baby girl, his sweetie. Etc. I'm sure he called them that before you. Your stepping into their land-- not the other way around.

 

When you date someone you also understand and respect their children. I don't have children -- but if I did... and it was from a prior relationship: the 'step parent' (if you can even say your acting like one?) would know their place. I personally wouldn't ever date someone that has prior children. Why? Because my reaction would be similar. I am not wanting to be a parent there for I will not date someone with children. 

 

Talk to your partner and spend time with him (he only gets to see his kids 4-days-out-of-the-month) and that isn't a lot You have the other 24 days of the month to yourself with your romantic partner. Let them have their time --- with their biological father. 

 

As adults we realize in relationships we don't need money or random things. You can find things to do with your partner that doesn't' involve money.

Edited January 23, 2017 by Child Of Light

[Eris]

I throw my tow cents in here. I think this is a difficult situation for all involved people. Of course his children are very important for him and it's fantastic that he cares for them after he broke up with the mother, but I also think you shouldn't  swallow your feelings because you are also an important person for him.

Talk with him, tell him how you feel, maybe he thinks everything is alright and so he can't change something. But when you talk he knows it, you can make a compromise together so everyone is happy. Maybe he finds other ways to make you happy without much money. You could choose a nickname only for you etc.

[alotalittle]

I agree with Child of Light. His children do and should come first.

 

Being in a relationship with someone who already has children is difficult for MANY people (including the parents themselves). This is why dating becomes a serious challenge for single parents. Most people can't handle being with a single parent, even people who don't have the additional struggles of having a little side. Everything that you're feeling is completely normal. However, even if your partner tries to compromise with you and spend less time with/do less with his kids, it won't help anyone in the long run.

 

Please don't take what I'm about to say as any sort of meanness towards you. I have no doubt that you are a good person and want the best for your partner and his children. But you need to decide if you can handle being with a single parent. If you are struggling with feelings of jealousy so intensely that sometimes you feel like you might explode, it's possible that you're simply not ready for the addition of kids into your life. These emotions may eventually become so strong that you react poorly towards his children or towards him (especially if you're in littlespace). Not to mention, everyday that you feel these emotions, you're building up some resentment (jealousy and resentment are best buds). Trying to smother the feelings that you're having is unsustainable. 

 

Now, if you decide that you want to stay and take on the challenges of being with a single parent, then there's a few things you need to learn to accept. He NEEDS to spend time with them...and it should be as often as is possible. When children go without seeing their parent, it's almost inevitable that the relationship will fall apart. He NEEDS to pay child support. Children aren't free and having financial support from both parents is the best way to ensure that they're getting things they need and, hopefully, a few things they want. He was their dad first. They do not have an adult, romantic relationship with him. They have a child/parent relationship with him. Those are two very different things. No matter what dynamics you enjoy, you are still a consenting adult who is choosing to be in this relationship. His children aren't that and require very different things from that. 

 

Honestly, it's not his or his children's job to help you cope with sharing him. It's something that you have to internally work out. He can try to spend more time with you and/or try to buy you more little things, but ultimately, there's only so much he can do as far as a compromise goes. You're going to have to learn to let go of some of these feelings if you want to stay. It might help to see a counselor/therapist or even to talk to family/friends about your feelings. You might even mention to him that you're having some of these feelings, but you want to support him and his family and so you're trying to work through them.

 

No matter what you choose, I really hope it works out well. Don't beat yourself up too much for having these feelings, I do think they're normal for people who are with someone who already has kids. Just keep in mind that you can't maintain a healthy relationship and harbor all these feelings forever simultaneously.

[❤Snow Bunny❤]

ha i could see myself feeling the same way ;u; i know i shouldn't but ahh....like, i want to be his only little girl, and i don't want kids getting in between us >. > i want our life to be all about me and him <3 (but i definetely don't mind pets :3) I think you should just talk to him about it and i'm sure he will find a way to make you feel better ^.^ u should never hide your feelings from the person you love, your feelings are important, even if you think they're silly!

[Guest Kittehmuffin]

Ok...so...I am a single mother of 4 children. My children will always come first. As an adult and as a Mother it's my responsibility to ensure their health and well being to the best of my ability. I am assuming your partner is the same or feels the same.

 

As an adult, I suggest you look at priorities here, not as a little or a middle. Also consider that perhaps it's not about recovering cups or other things, perhaps ask for something that he can only do with you...a game or some other task that helps you feel special and isn't about money. Other than that, I'm not sure what to suggest.

[Guest Kittehmuffin]

* receiving cups and other things

[Lil_pinkprincess]

Thank you!! I guess I was mostly worried that having these feelings were just not normal, and that I was just an awful person. I do realize that his children do and should come first. I would never wish harm to their relationship at all. I guess I should have added that we are married and that we haven't had his kids the whole time,so I got used to having daddy alone and now I'm adjusting. It doesn't help that I feel like daddy is disappointed in me. Maybe even that he doesn't want to be my daddy because he's an actual father.

[HeCallsMePrincess]

the feelings are normal, but like the others said his children will and should always come first. as a mother, my kids always come first, even if that means they get Daddy's attention before i do.

[Lil_pinkprincess]

I talked to Daddy and we worked it out mostly. I was feeling insecure based upon my own fears of rejection. I thought that having to share Daddy, made me less insignificant because how could he possibly Iove me like he loves them. Of course we have a romantic relationship, but I still felt inferior.

We set some new boundaries so that I could be comfortable and he could still do everything he needs to. Like for example if I close the bedroom door, that means I would like a minute alone with Daddy and I wait until Daddy can come in to check on me.

I feel soooo much better and glad that I told Daddy!

[Eris]

I am glad to hear that you found a way for both of you.

[daddies_velvet_kitty]

Thank you!! I guess I was mostly worried that having these feelings were just not normal, and that I was just an awful person. I do realize that his children do and should come first. I would never wish harm to their relationship at all. I guess I should have added that we are married and that we haven't had his kids the whole time,so I got used to having daddy alone and now I'm adjusting. It doesn't help that I feel like daddy is disappointed in me. Maybe even that he doesn't want to be my daddy because he's an actual father.

I definitely think you should sit down and have a talk with your daddy especially when you have these doubts. Maybe he's busy or something is going on with the kids. Communication is the most crucial part of a marriage and especially when adding ddlg to it. I bet that he doesn't even know you have these feelings festering. Just sit him down for a chat and talk out your feelings, maybe even come to a resolution you both can agree to. 

[daddies_velvet_kitty]

oops I totally skipped over your recent post, glad to hear it all worked out!