Can we talk about sub frenzy? Or maybe "little frenzy"

[PinkiePie84]

I see a lot of people who are struggling with similar topics when they are taking their first steps.

 

In the bdsm and D/s community there is something called "sub frenzy".

Sub frenzy is when a submissive(being little is often a form of submission)finds themselves as a submissive and they get really anxious to find a dominant counterpart. The need to experience this new found part of yourself can sometimes preoccupy our minds and our actions.

Here are some pitfalls of sub frenzy:

*Calling someone your dominant or Daddy very quickly

*many short D/s or Daddy/girl or cg/l relationships in a short amount of time

*frequent heart break due to the previous two factors

*forcing the Daddy or dominant role on your current partner

*unachievable or very high expectations of your partner

 

Do you have questions about this topic? Do you relate? Have you had these issues?

[teddybearprotectionspell]

I've definitely experienced this a bit in the past and it became a lot easier to handle once I realized that the *feelings* that surrounded it were valid, but at points my *behavior* was inappropriate. Having a solid arsenal of self-care tactics to fall back on has made a big difference.

[Guest Kittehmuffin]

Absolutely...I see it, particularly in people that are for whatever reason not able to 'hold' themselves, be able to experience emotional states and be ok with it, but expect a partner or Daddy to always carry that. That's asking a lot...being a little - and this is only my opinion - doesn't mean we get to not develop coping skills or opt out of rational, healthy thinking too. it's all learning too though.

[HeCallsMePrincess]

yes, yes, yes. SLOW down! it's super exciting finding a dom/daddy but i'm afraid many are setting themselves up for disappointment. i have found it to be a very intense relationship, requiring an incredible amount of trust. something that is close to impossible to build in a couple days.

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

I've seen the exact same kinda thing in Daddies too. They've just found out about dd/lg and they're way too eager to claim someone as a little, or force it on their perplexed current partner.

 

And they're like "okay babygirl you may call me Daddy" on day one.

And you're like "Thank...you...?" when you've just been chatting and don't even know if you want them to be your Daddy. lol

 

The BIGGEST thing as a newb to sub/littleness is watching out for Daddies who KNOW that new littles/subs are after insta-doms. 

So they take advantage of that. Bad Daddies- but Daddies nonetheless.

 

People need to realise you just start out like any relationship would ^^

Talk to one another. Get comfortable enough to open up emotionally.

Talk about how you both got into dd/lg and what you're expecting from your Little/DD. 

Find out what you have in common. Show him your colouring books. lolwut

 

 

Everybody's excited when they find a new thing to be into. No shame in that, we all figure the pace out eventually.

[IchigoHime]

I see this all the time! I've even seen it in "Doms". Just slow down! Just because you've discovered a new part of you doesn't mean you automatically have to have someone to compliment it right away. Same goes for vanilla relationships - just because you are obviously attracted to a sex doesn't mean you HAVE to be in a relationship in order to feel complete. Find ways to enjoy being yourself, by yourself. It will make you more desirable, interesting, and overall enjoyable if you take the time and discover yourself.

[Guest Appacheian]

Good point. Learning something new about yourself doesn't mean you have to throw caution to the wind and dive in. Relationships of any kind worth having take time and commitment.

[BruceDaLittle]

I had a bad habit of little frenzy bIt i think after my last relationship I found a nice balance. I'm even waiting until I'm done healing from my last break up before i look for another mommy. we may haven't been great in a relationship but I learned a lot about myself as a little and as a person. I'm happy we could stay friends

[MadameButterfly]

Definitely been there! Once we find out about the wonderful world that is ddlg, our eager and overly excitable, little selfs, wants nothing more than to have a daddy. Which can be very bad if you stumble upon the wrong kind of daddy.

 

Always remember to take your time and discover more about ddlg and its dynamics. Learn about what you want from a ddlg relationship and what you expect from your partner.

[roseyposey]

Been there, done that, could have written a book about it. The biggest lesson I learned was not to beat myself up for it once I came down. Happens to the best of us. Yes, I made mistakes but I learned a lot about what I don't want in a partner which is important. 

[Guest Candy Minx ♡]

i don't think i have any questions about this topic! but i find myself relating, not 

with being excited that i found this life and wanted a daddy really bad but just

as a whole getting something and really wanting to use it, lol. or i find myself

getting so exited about things that i want to share, i can't keep secrets and things

i have usually don't stay very long because i just want to use it. //shrug.

 

with the kind of person i am, i find myself taking my time in wanting to get to know

someone, trusting each other, sharing our day to day, and really deciding if i want

to be in a relationship with a person before i dive into dating. a month, two, three

heck, even six months isn't enough for me to get to know someone. will i fall in

like with someone in that person during that time? sure just might, i did that with

my current Daddy years and years ago. falling in like with someone isn't bad, isn't

ever bad but making that decision to call someone Daddy/Mommy/Little in a short 

period of time because you're over excited about the idea of having that relationship

kind of takes away how special it is, in my eyes? doing that with someone so soon

or even having tons of short relationships with someone being your cg... i kinda 

can compare that to telling someone you love them right away, breaking up, dating

another person and doing it again. it kind of loses it's value coming from that 

particular person. 

 

it's also a major turn away for me, i've had guys tell me that they love me weeks or

months into knowing me and that makes me uncomfortable as fuck. it's like they

latched so easily onto me, what's stopping them from doing that to someone else?

or even me being like the 6th person they've done that to in the past year. i am by

no means shitting on anyone, i'm just putting my viewpoint and opinion out there.

 

like i've seen said in above posts, relationships take time. if you're not willing to

take the time to get to know someone on a deep and personal level before

jumping into things, you might not be ready to tackle a relationship just quite yet.