Am I too strong to be little, or is he too weak to be a Daddy, or neither?

[Unique Unicorn Princess]

Hi everyone!
I'm new here and also new to ddlg and I have a question...
(Also, I think this is the first time I postet into a forum. Oô)

(I hope, this is not a double/triple post, but I would not know, how to search for something like this^^)

There is this dude (two years older than I am, a bit young for my taste ^^) i know only over the internet. He is also new to ddlg, and new to bdsm (i'm not). First I introduced bdsm to him, and he liked it, then we discovered ddlg together. He seems to like this too.

 

This  discovery was for me not like "Oh, what is this interesting thing?" but "Oh, this thing i like has a name? And others like it aswell?"  

 

We want to meet soon, but I have doubts. Sometimes, I feel likeI am the smarter one, the more responsible one, the more grown up one,  even though I don't really feel grown up...

 

When I need help with something, I ask him, and he sometimes seems to be even more helpless about it than I... I sometimes feel like I have the stronger charakter. I dont like it, when he seems to be weak in any kind. Today we had an Argument, and it seemed he can't really talk back to me. I feel like I could win any argument against him, if I wanted.

 

He is the first one I talked about ddlg. But this (that I feel "stronger" somehow) is not the first time happening. I hate it, when I view the man I am interested in so weak, and slowly lose all respect for him, but I don't know what to do. And I really can't let go in trust, when I don't think he is responsible, strong, grown up enough. ("enough" would be significantly more than me ^^)

And then I feel like a terrible person. Arrogant, hypercritical, embittered...

I feel like a man mourdering monster.

Well, I guess that probably no one can help me with that, but I would like to know, if other littles, or anyone, have the same problem.

(Sorry for bad english, it's not my native language)

Greetings,
Unique Unicorn Princess

[TheRatQueen]

I experienced something really similar until I met my Daddy. In my case, I was really bratty. I couldn't stop misbehaving or acting out - to the point where even I was frustrated. When I met my Daddy something soothed that need to misbehave.

 

It sounds like you know your answer - he's not the right one for you. You could talk to him about some of your concerns, but it might be better to move on. It's the same thing in vanilla relationships - some personalities and people match better than others.

[lilsnoopy]

I just want to point out being a little doesn't mean you can't be strong. In fact submissives in general tend to be pretty amazing and strong people. 

 

Just because a person is a dominant or daddy doesn't mean they are the right one for you. The way you posted this made you seem very unhappy with your relationship. If he isn't the type to dom up then you can't make him. Communication will be important, let him know what you need. But honestly if he is being himself and that isn't what you want in a relationship then you can always end the relationship and be a little on your own for a while then return to the dating scene to find a partner more suited to your preferences. 

[Unique Unicorn Princess]

Yes, maybe he just is not the right one for me. But everything else is fine. I like him a lot, and we have similar interests. Sometimes I think, the problem is, that i am searching for "the perfect one"...

[cuppycakes]

Yes, maybe he just is not the right one for me. But everything else is fine. I like him a lot, and we have similar interests. Sometimes I think, the problem is, that i am searching for "the perfect one"...

 

It sounds to me that you're just a very strong person. Especially in your personality and actions. I'm the exact same way! I'm very outspoken and pretty strong-minded, and a lot of times I have to be the "adult" around my daddy. I don't mind, in fact, in nearly all of my friend groups I'm considered the mother. I'm usually the responsible one who's the first one to say when something is a bad idea.

 

The strange thing is, for me at least, there are other things that make me feel little besides real world decisions that my daddy and I have to make. The way he treats me, he doesn't always say "oh you're too little to think about those things/do those things", but he helps me when I really can't do something. (For example, I am afraid of the dark and other "spooky" things. So my daddy always holds my hand when I have to walk through the dark. Funny story one time I was mad at him and I had to go upstairs in the dark, and he said "do you want me to go with you?" and I said "nO!" took one step in the dark, and came back for his help. I wasn't mad at him anymore after that. 

 

I was always worried, like you, that... I dunno, my daddy isn't perfect. He's not very strict, he's irresponsible, he forgets to brush his teeth, and we have differing opinions on a few things. But I love him anyway. There's a quote that says "real love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person" and I believe it one-hundred-percent. No one is perfect, and everybody fights, and everybody makes mistakes, and that's just what makes us human and that's so coOL!!!

 

On top of that, my daddy acts like a little with me sometimes, too! And that's pretty cool to have someone who will do fun cute things with me. He snuggles me and plays peekaboo and talks to me in a cute voice. That doesn't make him any less of a daddy (though some of his behavior may or may not make him a switch, so I should get some information on that).

 

Love, in my opinion, is a choice. That might not be a popular opinion and that's okay. I just want to warn you of something that you're probably already aware of, and that's the fact that Mr. Perfect might not be out there. HOWEVER, all hope is not lost. If you've got somebody that you love, they love you back, and you can imagine yourself spending forever together without getting sick of them, then you might have found Mr. Right. (here's an interesting SFW article on how love is a choice. I just found it interesting and it's where i found my quote. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/seth-adam-smith/real-love-is-a-choice_b_6039412.html )

 

I have a lot more to say about this, but I think this post is getting pretty long  w(*´∀`*)w

If you want to talk to somebody, then you can message me (or reply to this forum for clarification because I was kind of all over the place)

Two last things:

1. ddlg is whatever you make it. Not every daddy is strict, some of them are pushovers, some are battling with depression, some of them are tiny, and some of them are just plain ol' sweethearts. Don't let a stereotype determine your relationship if you can be happy with what you have.

2. Communication is the biggest/hardest/best/worst part of any relationship. It's also the only thing that can ever work. Communicate with your partner, be polite, and make sure you're in a big headspace when you do it. Tell them your concerns, address them together, and decide where you want to go from here.

 

Best of luck to you both!

[Princess-P]

I think he doesn't sound like a good fit for you. Not in a romantic way. Because you share common interests then he might make a good friend. And you may respect him more.

 

Neither person in a romantic relationship wants to be with someone who is weak, but its often more acceptable in a friend.

 

In my opinion he doesn't sound like a switch, mostly because it doesn't sound like he's displayed characteristics of either role. He's sounds like a regular guy to be honest. And that's fine. But you having little to nonrespect for him or seeing a major flaw in his personality means you just don't belong together.

 

Best to tell him you can't continue as you have been but if you enjoy his company stay friends. Although most people can't stay friends after being rejected, if he can be mature then it won't be an issue.

[LezBabykins]

I experienced something really similar until I met my Daddy. In my case, I was really bratty. I couldn't stop misbehaving or acting out - to the point where even I was frustrated. When I met my Daddy something soothed that need to misbehave.

 

It sounds like you know your answer - he's not the right one for you. You could talk to him about some of your concerns, but it might be better to move on. It's the same thing in vanilla relationships - some personalities and people match better than others.

 I don't think  I have been here... IT's like topping from the bottom... It took me afew tries.. but when I found someone who I didn't have to "Learn "DD/lg with we just had to learn each other.. which is way more fun... Its hard when you feel like you can get by with murder when you really want guidance and structure

[Guest DDSagittarius]

Generally speaking, a little can't be too strong, nor a daddy too weak.

However, some little's can be too strong for some daddy's, or some daddy's too weak for some little's.

 

It's all about compatibility, it sounds like you probably need someone with a stronger will, or firmer hand.

 

[Unique Unicorn Princess]

Thanks so far for all your replies! Your toughts and opinions help me a lot. I think I also need to calm down. I can meet him without instantly getting married or so... I think I will try to talk with him about it. And I will also "test" him a bit more...^^

I like him a lot and I don't want to give up so quickly.

 

Its hard when you feel like you can get by with murder when you really want guidance and structure

That describes it perfectly and is so true!

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

I truthfully think you really need to communicate these feelings to him. Not all Doms or Daddies are strict naturally, and if this is his first go with BDSM he still may not fully understand it. You want control structure and guidance. In the vanilla world though these things are frowned upon. He may not know how much control you want him to have over you.

 

Also, people are different behind a screen than they are in person. You may find that he becomes very protective once you guys have met and he can put a person behind who he's been speaking with all this time. How long have you guys been talking? Sorry if it was mentioned I don't remember reading it.

 

Does he have anyone he can speak to on a Dom to Dom level? Are you sure he's a Dom at all and not just trying to please you? And how important is this lifestyle to you in terms of a relationship? People shouldn't sacrifice... however if he's perfect in all other counts... is it worth throwing that away for DDlg or D/s? Only you can decide that.

[Unique Unicorn Princess]

How long have you guys been talking? Sorry if it was mentioned I don't remember reading it.

 

We know each other for like 3 months, but we are talkin almost every day.

 

Does he have anyone he can speak to on a Dom to Dom level?

 

I don't think he has someone to talk about this, at least he didn't mention it.

 

Are you sure he's a Dom at all and not just trying to please you? And how important is this lifestyle to you in terms of a relationship? People shouldn't sacrifice... however if he's perfect in all other counts... is it worth throwing that away for DDlg or D/s? Only you can decide that.

 

Yes, I am afraid, that he maybe just wants to please me, and forces himself to be someone he is not. I had something like that a few years ago, it was horrible.

But im almost sure, that he does not pretend to like the things. For example, he himself encouraged me to get a pacifier, and he likes it. Me too.^^ Also I'm very sure he likes the thought of spanking me. (Which I also like^^)

 

BDSM especially DS is very important for me. I know, no relationship without could make me happy in the long run, I tried that before. And now that I found DDlg and the courage to talk about it, and feeling less weird for liking what I like, I don't want to dispense with it too.

 

 

Thank you, I will definately talk more open to him about all that. In fact, I already did mention it a little, and today he seems stricter already. 

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

We know each other for like 3 months, but we are talkin almost every day.

 

 

I don't think he has someone to talk about this, at least he didn't mention it.

 

 

Yes, I am afraid, that he maybe just wants to please me, and forces himself to be someone he is not. I had something like that a few years ago, it was horrible.

But im almost sure, that he does not pretend to like the things. For example, he himself encouraged me to get a pacifier, and he likes it. Me too.^^ Also I'm very sure he likes the thought of spanking me. (Which I also like^^)

 

BDSM especially DS is very important for me. I know, no relationship without could make me happy in the long run, I tried that before. And now that I found DDlg and the courage to talk about it, and feeling less weird for liking what I like, I don't want to dispense with it too.

 

 

Thank you, I will definately talk more open to him about all that. In fact, I already did mention it a little, and today he seems stricter already.

My Daddy and I are also married. We started as strictly vanilla and transitioned to D/s... but it was never quiet right. We kinda did DDlg before realizing what it was.

 

My Daddy is actually naturally more of a switch. I am so incredibly far from a switch though that over the years most of his switch traits have kinda gone away, and he's okay with that. Now he's a Daddy Dom and very happy. I'm a submissive who's a bit bratty and a little bit of a masochist. When we first started, and up until a few months ago, Daddy was very lienient with me. I hated this. I wanted him to be stricter. So I told him.

 

My Daddy was glad for this, as he kinda wanted to be but didn't want to push me too far. Now he allows my brattiness to an extent but keeps me on a short leash. I love this. I love our rules and punishments. I love how protective he is. Our dynamic and relationship are both amazing.

 

There is nothing wrong with not being content with a vanilla relationship. I couldn't imagine ever going back. Just make sure to keep the communication open.