Papapengo Posted January 18, 2017 Report Posted January 18, 2017 Hi everyone. I'm new to this forum and new to DDlg in general. First small backstory My wife of 6 years and I started divorce proceedings (my choice). She tried to keep me around and we had sex quite a few times even though I was trying to move on. I ended up sleeping with a couple of other women in this same time span. Then my wife and I about 6 days ago realized together that we have both wanted to be in a DDlg relationship. We started one and stopped divorce proceedings for now. In this 6 day span I cheated on her again. I don't know why I did it and I'm not trying to make any excuses. I then lied about it because I felt I had to protect her. I went about it the wrong way of course. I told her last night after she sensed something was wrong. I am terrible and I have deeply hurt her. She still wants me but needs me to help mend this. What can I do? I want nothing more than for my Pumpkin to be ok.
Little_wolf114 Posted January 18, 2017 Report Posted January 18, 2017 Ummmmm Hi. I have cheated on my Dom before and I can try to help you. All you have to do is Dm me so he can see our chat thing because thats the way he is
Guest Posted January 18, 2017 Report Posted January 18, 2017 The best thing you can do to her is be 100% honest. You already were having issues clearly before (hints the divorce), Starting off again with lies is going to doom the relasonship. Spending six years with this woman you should know her well, and be able to think of what the best way to tell her is. DO NOT KEEP HIDING IT, its not fair at all to her. 5
Papapengo Posted January 18, 2017 Author Report Posted January 18, 2017 Hi. I want to clarify. She now knows. I have to work on building trust with her again. I am looking for ideas on how to do so. These last 6 days have made the rest of my life seem insignificant. I want her to trust me and be my little Pumpkin again.
Guest whatever Posted January 18, 2017 Report Posted January 18, 2017 You say you want ideas on how to fix things with her, to make it up to her, but the truth is you violated the trust between you two and that is not something that is easily repaired. It will take time IF she even wants to make things work. Apologising profusely might work, but you should show her how sorry you are. Really, you are the only one who will know best what to do. 5
Child Of Light Posted January 18, 2017 Report Posted January 18, 2017 Yikes, that's a big mistake. Firstly, yes honestly is the first step-- maybe therapy? Cheating is a very serious issue. I know I would have trust issues for ever after that > Your wife is very brave to want to keep things going, despite this. I give her that. It might be one of those things that 'time will tell'.
Papapengo Posted January 18, 2017 Author Report Posted January 18, 2017 Yes. I basically did the worst thing possible to her that I could do. I have no words for how terrible I feel and how much the hurt she is going through hurts me. Thank you all for your words so far.
lilsnoopy Posted January 18, 2017 Report Posted January 18, 2017 I hate to be that person.. but have you ever thought it might be better (for her sake) to let her go. You started working on things in your relationship, cheated, and lied--- all in less than a week. That has to be really hard and hurtful to her. She literally has every right to feel that way. She may need time to just process it, maybe she will never get over it. She has a lot of broken trust and something that major is going to be hard to come back from. Relationships (in general not just dd/lg) are ruined by stuff like cheating or lying alone.. you did both.... 7
SharkPrince Posted January 18, 2017 Report Posted January 18, 2017 You don't 'fix her', there's nothing wrong with her. You're the one who needs to sit down and think about why you did. And if you really do love her (I hate to say this) but would she be better off with someone who hasn't cheated on her? Littles are fragile and sensitive at the best of times, it's why we love littles. BUT, if you've ruined that trust once there will 87% of the time a doubt about you running around in her head that she's going to have to fight with constantly. 7
SirJsPrincess Posted January 18, 2017 Report Posted January 18, 2017 This may come off as harsh, but I think it needs to be said. You need to end the marriage and your relationship with her completely. The only thing you're doing is leading her on and keeping her as a backup. Take a look at your behavior so far - you personally started divorce proceeding, slept with other women while leading her on about a reconciliation, then cheated on her after agreeing to try to make things work in your marriage. If you really loved her and your marriage enough to "make it work" you would never have cheated on her during this last 6 days (or at all, really). It's obvious you don't want to stay in this marriage. You may truly care for her and don't want to see her hurting, but all you are doing is hurting her more by hanging around. She deserves better than a man who lies and then talks about it to get it off his chest and help HIMSELF feel better. Plus, you taking about "fixing her" is a HUGE sign of how dysfunctional your relationship truly is... a DD/lg relationship in a marriage is a huge commitment and needs to have a solid foundation to start. IMO, you're on here looking for someone to "let you off the hook" and help you feel better about the damage you've caused to her. Be a man, stop making this about you, and let her go. She deserves the opportunity to heal, move on, and find a man who will truly love and cherish her. 14
Guest Kittehmuffin Posted January 19, 2017 Report Posted January 19, 2017 If it was me I would take time out...both of you. No contact for a while....really feel into what you both want. It may end up in divorce or it may end up you both want to be together...but, taking some space to get clear would be the best option right now, especially since everything has happened in a small space of time.
Tiger_Corn Posted January 19, 2017 Report Posted January 19, 2017 I say Move on. you choose to cheat (sleep with outhers in a closed partnership)she doesn't accept a poly relationship in her eyes it is cheating she will be hurt every time. 1
Guest Bunnyblossom Posted January 19, 2017 Report Posted January 19, 2017 Time. That's a pretty hurtful thing to do. But if she really wants to keep you, and you her- you've gotta keep doing the absolute best you can for her and wait it out until she trusts you again. Don't make any promises you can't keep- not even small ones. But MAKE promises to stick to, so that she can see you follow it through, slowly rebuilding faith. Anything from "I promise we can go out for dinner" or "I'll pick you up later" or "I'll take that task on" etc. Hopefully and eventually she'll start to rely on you y more and trust you. And obviously don't cheat again. 1
CrazyLittleBuggaBoo Posted January 25, 2017 Report Posted January 25, 2017 Your lucky she didn't tell you to go jump off a cliff. Honestly stopping your divorce because you find out that she wants a DD/LG relationship and so did you sounds like your just using her to test the waters. I mean, DD/LG relationship that's what caused you to change your mind? You wanted to end the relationship until that tidbit of information. That just sounds horrible... I mean, what if the shoe was on the other foot? Anyway, maybe you aren't as big of a jerk as you clearly are acting. However you can't just say your sorry, slap a bandaid on it and mend her broken heart. You first have to change yourself. No me lying. Not even about the smallest of things. No hiding things, that's just the same as lying. Definitely no cheating. Maybe scents you seem to have a problem keeping it your pants and claim to actually love and care about your wife you should just stay clear of other women all together. Make your choice, if you really love your wife and want to keep her, then she's more important than other women. If you can't keep it in your pants, then just keep away from women who aren't your wife. You broke her trust and trust isn't an easy thing to rebuild. You have to work hard. It will take a long long time. You WILL have to change yourself, make yourself a better man. Always think about your wife's feelings, never let her leave your mind. Always do little things to make her feel loved and special and like she means something to you. If you can't do that. If you won't do that. If it's not wroth it to you, then let the poor thing go. You've done enough to hurt if and if your not in it for the long hall you don't need to drag her throw anymore. 1
HeCallsMePrincess Posted January 25, 2017 Report Posted January 25, 2017 i'd be less worried about this last time that you cheated, and more worried about everything that led to the pending divorce in the first place. you can in fact, come back after an affair. it is possible,mostly with professional help for you both. but is it what you really want, or are you both afraid of moving on? is it just easier to stay married and therefore will keep hurting each other (as someone whos on their second marriage, i know it always takes two and rarely is completely one sided) it's something only the two of you can decide.
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