One of *THOSE* days ( TW: talk of mental illness/ family abuse)

[Daddylovesme]

I have been stuck in this wierd placec for a while now. I feel stuck, or trapped maybe a better way to phrase it. I don't exactly know how to explain it, but I desparately want out of this house. My Daddy and I live separately, both with our parents still as we are college students. I live in an abusive home. To explain, I live in a home where I am in direct contact with my abuser every single day of my life. Yes, I have PTSD from this abuse. 

 

He used to be physically with me, and while he is not anymore, I still find myself being terrified of him. He does still yell and call me names, and I honest to God, think I probably hate him. But I cannot leave. I have no money, I can't hold a job, and I need to get through school still. Daddy is going to school to get His EMT training so we can hopefully live on our own eventually, but I can't help but feel useless. Like I am just weighing Him down. 

 

I know this isn't true, but sometimes depression grabs me by the throat and just does not want to let me go no matter what I do. It doesn't let me get up, doesn't let me go anywhere, and keeps me from telling Daddy that I need help. I feel like I am constantly asking people and others for help when I cannot do things, and it makes me feel vulnerable. I want out of this house so badly, but I just don't know what to do. 

[Guest Tsubaki]

You need to make a plan to get out and then do the very hard hard work of carrying out that plan. I know it's hard and it might get harder but you can't get better if you are still in contact with one of the things that cause you harm.

 

You can do it! Ganbatte!

[Guest QueenJellybean]

I have to second the pressing to start making a plan to leave as soon as possible. If there are friends or other family members you can bunk with, I suggest doing that. Stay over friend's houses as often as you can. And most importantly, try desperately hard to get a job you can hold onto for a little while. It doesn't matter what it is; I lived in an abusive/unstable household for most of my young adult life as well and I worked at a movie theater on weekends for a couple years until I had enough to pay my way of rent when my partner and I moved in together for the first time. 

 

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and you've got to get out of there. Like Tsubaki said, you /can/ do it. We're here if you need support, and my PM box is always open. <3