Insecurities about daddy's friends....

[Guest Sephi]

I need some advice, fellow littles. My daddy has made a little friend from the forum and has been kiking with her. I felt insecure, but was willing to deal with my big feelings because he is more comfortable talking to women than men. Also, I have male friends irl and have had some online, so it would only be fair for him to have female friends. The problem: he doesn't want me to have daddy friends. He thinks it is fair because I have given him reasons in the past to not trust me. Thoughts? Should I deal with my insecurities and unfriend the daddies on the forum? Edited January 14, 2017 by Sephi

[Hurndauke]

I don't see what the problem would be, it seems like on both sides it'd be fair.

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

That sounds like a cop out to me. I understand you may have made !mistakes but he can't punish you however long after the fact - he has either forgiven you or he hasn't. I am not sure what forum he met this other little from if it was here but if so I hope the other little sees this. Talking to another Littles cg without the okay from both parties isn't okay. It's overstepping boundaries and isnt respecting basic dom/sub protocol.

 

Harmless or not, I would not tolerate the double standard that he can talk to whomever he pleases but you can't. If you guys haven't negotiated the this - it's wrong. Period.

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

I don't talk to other Doms, Daddies, CGs, or male littles privately. Daddy does not talk to Mommies, female CGs or littles privately. This rule works well for us.

[Princess-P]

I agree that he's either forgiven you or he hasn't for whatever you did to make him not trust you. If he doesn't trust you then you shouldn't be together.

 

That being said, it doesnt sound like you trust him.

 

Each relationship is different but without prior discussion and agreement both partners should be able to make friends regardless of gender or role or whatever.

 

If its a completely platonic interaction, nothing shady or sneaking around, then there's nothing to worry about.

 

You should still bring your feelings up to him as holding something in is never good. It sounds like you have a bigger problem then just your Daddy making friends.

[Guest Sephi]

It is more an insecurity issue than a trust issue. Like, why be with me, when he has the opportunity to be with someone else. I know it isn't a healthy. I was prepared to deal with these feelings, though, because I know a friendship would be a good thing for him. And he has also said that he is doing it, regardless, and it is not fair to ask him not to. It is the not being friends with other daddy's that is making me feel cranky.

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Well, personally I disagree with your Daddy. If it makes you feel insecure or invalid, it IS fair to ask him not to. So, yes he gets along with women better.... can he not befriend a female caregiver? It clearly bothers you and he should respect that.

[Guest]

I think you should both have a talk. If you don't feel comfortable letting one another talk to the opposite sex that's something that needs to be discussed.

 

It should be fair to both parties.

Personally my daddy trust me to talk to other caregivers and knows I will not let them overstep, where as my ex daddy totally was againsts me talking to other caregivers. I think it's up to each relationship to say what they are okay with.

Edited January 15, 2017 by Arya

[Guest Sephi]

We have talked. He also said it would hurt me to read their conversations, since they were going to be talking about our relationship. Sigh. I need to put on my big girl panties and get over it!

[Guest Daddy F]

Coming from someone who cheated emotionally once on an ex, and it very nearly went physical.....

 

Him talking to another little about your relationship is the WORST thing he could do. she will commiserate with him, he will confide more in her and then the emotions move in which WILL eventually lead to something physical if the chance arises.

 

I can guarantee it!!!

 

He needs to be told that it stops or you need to move on. It may hurt but it will hurt much worse if he cheats on you and perhaps even leaves you for someone else.

 

Instead of putting on your big girl panties and getting over it......

 

Put on your big girl panties and stand up for yourself!

 

You're a little, not a doormat

[Guest Waiting4us]

If he had forgiven you from heart he would have trusted you. Relationship is to relate not to rule or control. He should allow you, your life. If he has trust issues that means he has a fear within himself. I am not judging him nor you. The golden rule of relationship is trust and communication with commitment.Being betrayed or belittled by others impacts self-esteem, which also plays a significant role in a person's capacity to trust.When mistrust seems to play a dominant role in a person's life, past disappointments or betrayals may be at the root of the issue. Mistrust is a valid and reasoned response to feeling betrayed or abandoned, but a person's life can be adversely affected when feelings of mistrust are pervasive, resulting in anxiety, anger, or self-doubt.Trust is not about gullibility; gut feelings and critical analysis are still important parts of your outlook on life. There will be times when you think something is fishy and on such occasions, it's worth changing your approach and finding out more details before placing your faith in a person or a deal. But it also pays to be discerning, to realize that most people mean the best and expect to do things on an even level with you.Relationships are built on trust, and it’s important for your partner to know exactly how you feel. If something bothers you, don’t hide it even if it seems trivial or embarrassing.

 

If the other partner loves us and wants us to be happy, they’d try to understand our concern and help us overcome the fears built and this helps to overcome their own trust issues.

I would like you tell him your wishes and listen to each of his thoughts. You have your own life as much as he has. If their is no Trust then relationship can never flow beautifully. It is an urgent need on your part to know you are Adult . If there is control over wants and wishes I am afraid it leads to many more problems.

[LittleGirlEmilia]

 he is more comfortable talking to women than men 

 

he doesn't want me to have daddy friends. 

 

Should I deal with my insecurities and unfriend the daddies on the forum? 

 

1. These sentences scream red flag to me. In my experience, you should be comfortable just talking to people, despite gender, the people that have said this to me in the past has actually had severe issues with both genders, not just their own or the opposite. They should be nothing stopping him talking to males and him conversing with a girl on kik because he 'feels more comfortable talking to women' is not excuse.

 

2. Fair enough, if that makes him feel uncomfortable, but that's an insecurity in himself. I don't see why anyone can't have friends as long as it's just that.

 

3. Deal with your insecurities, communicate with him, but I don't see why you have to delete all the DD's just because your partner thinks they might have ulterior motives, don't let him do that. 

[Child Of Light]

Whatever was "done" to make him not trust you to talk to other males = a huge problem.

 

Echoing the crowd: he either trusts you or he doesn't (as well as forgives). If he's not able to do either of those things, no matter vanilla relationship or not, it's a toxic relationship. You can't love someone you don't forgive. You also can't forgive someone you don't trust. Communication in that area needs to be addressed. Troubleshooting this would be vital right now.

 

As for insecurities. It's something you two need to work through. Maybe even loose boundaries being discussed. These would be boundaries set for both of you to make you both feel comfortable.

 

My Daddy-Dom and I have pws to each persons phones and we have unspoken trust that we can browse on each other's (altho we don't out of respect). I have male friends, male dom friends, female dom friends etc. And whilst he's not in the lifestyle online (e.g forums) he has an amazing close friend that is female -- they text all the time. It's an amazing friendship they have. In non the less am I jellies about it. Why? Because I know he'll never cross boundaries.

 

Have you two thought of going on meetup sites for friends? Such as meetupis.com and meetup on topics like religion, sports, hobbies, board game meet ups. My Daddy-Dom doesn't socialize much so I have to push him out to things like this. It might be bonding to do as a couple -- maybe even meet other couples?

 

Also, as a note:

 

"Posted Today, 08:56 PM

We have talked. He also said it would hurt me to read their conversations, since they were going to be talking about our relationship. Sigh. I need to put on my big girl panties and get over it! "

 

Do you consent to him talking to them about your intimate relationship? If you don't that's quite Okay. I know, I'd be really upset if my daddy-dom shared intimate details of our relationship to another women (my own personal preference). He needs to be coming to me first. I think it would be perfectly reasonable to tell him you aren't comfortable with him sharing that information with her.

 

My Daddy-Dom and I always sit down and discuss relationship probalmes first hand. We try to work it out for months. It typically only takes us a sit down talk and we are resolved. No drama, no online threads, or talking to friends online. Personal matter between a couple is personal.

Edited January 15, 2017 by Child Of Light

[Guest Sephi]

Thanks for your insight, everyone.

[Guest Kittehmuffin]

I hope this is resolved for the best for both of you. ❤

[Child Of Light]

Hope things are turning out OKay!

[alotalittle]

I thought the other responses were good, but I worry about the absoluteness of "you either trust someone, or you don't" mentality. 

 

I'm not sure what the circumstances were that caused your daddy to feel worried about you talking to other daddies, but hopefully my insight might be of help. My partner and I went down a very rough path when he was struggling with some internal issues and turned to other people for help (and not me). I was completely unaware of all of his online activities and many of them involved highly sexual conversations and/or highly emotional conversations with people about things that he was keeping me in the dark about. Once it all came into the light...wow. Honestly, it felt like I couldn't trust him at all. He had broken my trust by doing these things without my knowledge or permission and I had broken his trust by snooping to find all this out. It took us over six months to get through the roughest patches of communication and compromises.

 

Fast forward to now, we have new agreements in our relationship and are constantly striving to improve things and establish trust. However, there are things I don't fully trust him with and/or struggle to always trust him with. Part of this is due to my own insecurities (which I am constantly working on) and part of this is due to his own previous actions and occasional mistakes/misunderstandings. My point is, trust isn't an all or nothing thing. I trust him with my life. I trust him to always give me hugs and kisses and love. I trust him with our dog. I trust him with our finances. My list of things I DO trust him with goes on and on. It doesn't mean that there's never any grey area where my trust is weaker or needs more reinforcement. 

 

It sounds like you have insecurities that you need to work on and he has some major trust that needs reinforcement. If he hasn't figured out a way to fully move on from whatever caused him to not trust you, then you BOTH need to work on that. He needs to be more communicative about his feelings from your previous actions and you need to listen and communicate your feelings about your previous actions and how you feel about him/your relationship now. These conversations are difficult, but there's no way to rebuild/reinforce trust (on both sides) without being straightforward about your feelings. While you are working through these issues, maybe it's a good idea that neither of you have conversations with others that might fuel jealousy. Obviously, this can't last forever. You both need friendships and it would be nearly impossible to never communicate to other caregivers or littles if you're both involved in the community. But some extra focus on each other, and not privately on others in the CG/l community, might be necessary for now.