Biggest mistake littles make in their Caregiver search (In my opinion)

[Guest Coyote420]

So this had been bugging me for a while now. It's not just a mistake for ddlg relationships, but also a mistake in relationships in general, tho it's more problematic in ddlg relationships cause of the nature of said relationship. 

 

Sooo, let's take personals as an example. Most littles write what they want in a daddy, but what you should write instead is what they NEED IN A DADDY. There's a HUGE difference. A caregiver is there to provide structure in your life , and if he is only what you want him to be that will never happen. Analize yourself, think where u need to grow and what not. You should seek a daddy primarily bassed on that, if a daddy just caters to your wants and keeps u inside of your bubble then you won't ever trully be happy.

 

The reason I'm saying that is cause it's best to prevent stuff like that before you're in too deep. Like i see littles write stuff like ''I hope my daddy to be won't mind that I have social anxiety and is willing to accept me for it'' .... That's just soo wrong imo. U should write that you need someone that is willing to help you cope with it and help you with getting out of your bubble step by step while being understanding to your limits. 

 

Once you get in too deep and feelings start to form you won't care about whether he/she is good for you anymore, you'll just wanna be his little girl, but that kind of relationship will end soonner or later and you will end up being hurt. I hope at least some of you take what I wrote into considereation.

 

To sum up, chose primarily based on NEEDS not wants!

 

p.s.: Sorry about the shitty spelling and the massive lack of commas between sentences 

[DaddyBrown]

The reason I'm saying that is cause it's best to prevent stuff like that before you're in too deep. Like i see littles write stuff like ''I hope my daddy to be won't mind that I have social anxiety and is willing to accept me for it'' .... That's just soo wrong imo. U should write that you need someone that is willing to help you cope with it and help you with getting out of your bubble step by step while being understanding to your limits. 

 

But you are assuming that every little's Immediate goal is that they want help to cope with it. That's a very personal decision for the little to make. Acceptance by the Daddy that their little has this issue is the first step. Daddy accepts and Little is secure in knowing that their Daddy has accepted them for who they are. The next step - whenever that happens - is Daddy and Little talking on they can help each other overcome this issue. 

[Guest Ginger]

While I agree with most of what you've wrote... Where mental health issues are concerned, unless they're a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist I don't feel they should really be messing too much with it. I mean, helping cope is one thing, but pushing their boundaries is a bit testy. They might think they're helping but actually be doing more damage in the long run.

 

So I think, "[...] is willing to accept me for it." Is a good way to put it. Encourage to get help maybe, but not to push boundaries and stuff.

 

I'm sorry, just... As someone who's ex daddy thought he was helping by 'pushing boundaries' and that he could solve my mental health issues... It doesn't work that way. He secluded me and made things so, so much worse. Not saying all will do that, it's just something that worries me.

 

As I stated in the beginning, I do agree with most of what you said. I suppose the example just rubbed me wrong. Sorry.

[Guest Coyote420]

While I agree with most of what you've wrote... Where mental health issues are concerned, unless they're a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist I don't feel they should really be messing too much with it. I mean, helping cope is one thing, but pushing their boundaries is a bit testy. They might think they're helping but actually be doing more damage in the long run.

 

So I think, "[...] is willing to accept me for it." Is a good way to put it. Encourage to get help maybe, but not to push boundaries and stuff.

 

I'm sorry, just... As someone who's ex daddy thought he was helping by 'pushing boundaries' and that he could solve my mental health issues... It doesn't work that way. He secluded me and made things so, so much worse. Not saying all will do that, it's just something that worries me.

 

As I stated in the beginning, I do agree with most of what you said. I suppose the example just rubbed me wrong. Sorry.

 

Yes I admit that was a poorly choosen example. Idk what it's like to have a mental illness nor am I therapist, so it's not my place to poke into that area. I get how someone can be waay too pushy in trying to help you with something and that will often only make things worse tho, I just meant that a potential caregiver should be willing to be there for you and help you cope, not just be with you despite of it.

 

Sorry if i pressed on a sore spot of yours, I realize now that this is not my place to be a smartass since I have no experiance with mental health issues.

[PurringKitty]

Hey Coyote420, I think your intentions are noble and I see the point you are trying to make. To me i can see how a little would hope that her daddy would understand and accept her anxiety, and her growth forward could be that she will only choose a daddy who would accept her anxiety. At this point, she is not ready for him, because she has to accept her anxiety herself. And work through it with some personal growth. Which unfortunately means spending some time out of relationships and working on learning to be alone and become stronger for it. Investing in herself and not looking. When she accepts herself, she will not settle for someone she hopes accepts her. She will only be with someone she knows accepts her. Its a practice in patience and stands in opposition to anxiety.